going mad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: england UK
Posts: 34
going mad
My xap of 15 years who left 3 weeks ago, started drinking again after 9yrs and said he was in love with gf from 28years ago. He got cross when i said the doctor said he must only have supervised contact with his children 5yrs and 7yrs and wouldn't talk to me for a week. Then yesterday he agreed to take the children out together for the day, we had a nice day and he was loving when his guard was down .Today he has sent a present and letter to gf from 28yrs ago and is obviously trying to rekindle it. I feel like i am going mad and don't know what to think. The children want him home so much ,so do i if he stops drinking again but i haven't felt he was commited longterm to our relationship for a while, is it about drink or was it my fault. thankyou
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
The drinking is only a symptom. You said:
It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him.
I'd suggest finding Alanon meetings in your area to attend so you have some support.
Also see if you can't get your hands on a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
I'm sorry for your pain, and I know how maddening it is to deal with such stuff.
My EXAH had several affairs while we were together.
Today I know I am worthy of love, respect, and kindness. I won't settle for any less.
I hope you continue to post, and know you are among friends who understand. :ghug3
i haven't felt he was commited longterm to our relationship for a while
I'd suggest finding Alanon meetings in your area to attend so you have some support.
Also see if you can't get your hands on a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
I'm sorry for your pain, and I know how maddening it is to deal with such stuff.
My EXAH had several affairs while we were together.
Today I know I am worthy of love, respect, and kindness. I won't settle for any less.
I hope you continue to post, and know you are among friends who understand. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: -
Posts: 118
Oh my goodness.
I've heard in the Al-Anon rooms that someday you'll hear your story, and you're telling a part of mine.
My children were 7 & 10. My husband told me he wanted to move out because he'd hooked up with a women from 25 years ago long distance.
I'm guessing that he was going through midlife, and he was trying to recapture his youth, but it really hurt me. He hasn't ever owned that either.
I guess that you've got more sense than me since he's your ex. Yay you!!
I don't think it really matters now why. The bottom line then was that mine didn't want to accept responsibility for his family in my opinion.
I wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and I have felt like you.
(((((hugs)))))
I've heard in the Al-Anon rooms that someday you'll hear your story, and you're telling a part of mine.
My children were 7 & 10. My husband told me he wanted to move out because he'd hooked up with a women from 25 years ago long distance.
I'm guessing that he was going through midlife, and he was trying to recapture his youth, but it really hurt me. He hasn't ever owned that either.
I guess that you've got more sense than me since he's your ex. Yay you!!
I don't think it really matters now why. The bottom line then was that mine didn't want to accept responsibility for his family in my opinion.
I wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and I have felt like you.
(((((hugs)))))
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