justsomegirl

I just need to tell this silly story to get it out of my system. Its nothing really big but to me, very telling of the person I am dealing with and what he must really think of me. My Husband has an extreme problem with pot. He drinks but can control his drinking to a point these days (there were days when it a daily occurance) these days when he drinks he most of the time can't stop drinking once he starts and drinks way too much with a wide aray of results. I guess I would call him an extreme binge drinker. His antics have led him to everything from annoying others, public humiliation, arrests and the worst recently he was badlt beaten in a bar and spent the night in the hospital. This particular night was the night I decided I had enough of not hearing from him all day or night and not knowing his wearabouts. I decided to go spend the night at my sisters rather then sit at home worrying about him and having to fight with him when he did get home. I am extremely digressing from my main silly story here...anyways this particualr night at around 6 am in the morning I still couldnt fall asleep at my sisters because I was having an bad gut feeling. So I drove home to find his truck home and the cat wondering outside and the dog home. He had the dog with him when he left. I also came home to blood all over the house and drunken messages from him. He was in the hosptal from being beaten up. It took about a week to find out what happened because he and his friends couldnt rememeber what happened or so they said. Then there was the unfortunate peeing incident. The results of his drinking are always a new surprise. Last night/today I had yet another light bulb moment toward my getting out of this situation..I realized how little he much actually think of me. We are short of money right now *surprise* so we decided to decline an invite to go to our friends for drinks. I drink socially but am able to stop and control myself. We decided to be responsible and stay in. I said to him "now one your buddies is going to call and you are going to out with them and leave me at home"He replied that no, he would not do that. Sure enough, about 20 minutes later one of his barely legal freinds phones and I hear him say ""yeah , I'll come down for a few beers". I was mad but not surprised. I said my few words then went over to our friends place and hung out with our freinds rather then at home alone. Well about 12:30 he shows up. I didnt ask a thing he informed me out of the blue that he had slept all night and just woke up. OK fine. We stayed for another hour and came home. Well in the middle of the night he starts doing all his drunk sleeping sound effects. So I new he had been drinking the night before. I had a few drinks and either didnt want to notice or was having to much fun playing Rockband to pay attention. He had to wotk today at 8 am and could not get out of bed. I had to wonder how he could be THAT tired when he slept all evening and didnt drink. After he left I noticed the emptied were gone from the back porch. So later on I was talking on the phone with him and I asked him if he was sure he didnt drink last night. He said he didnt. I knew he was lying. Then I asked him if he took back the empties. He sadi he didnt. I knew he was lying. I asked him again if we went out to his buddies last night . He sadi no and I knew he was lying. I wasn't yelling or anything, i was very calm. I said well where did the empties go then? He then says, well i took a few of them back to get a six pack of ice tall boys. OK...i askewd where he drank them. He said he went to **** house. I asked why he told me he didnt go out. He said "i didn't go out"I saidÿou just told me you went to***house"He said Ï didn't go there, i just popped in for a few beers" HUH?.....I asked..then he said he came back home a slept for hours (not possible with the timeframe of the evening) I didnt start a fight i just took it in and carried on talking to him. He started going on about how he was tired of always being hungover and feeling unhealthy..blah blah blah..then went on to say that he also got a few beers from the guys house he was at. But..he didnt take back the empties and go out and drink. I was embarressed for myself that he thinks so little of me to lie about such irrelevant things and things that are NO WAY IN H*LL that i would have not noticed.
Does he think that I am that dumb....I am getting myself ready though. I have secret money saved that he doesnt know about to have when my time comes. I am feeling it will be soon.

Jadmack25

The sooner the better, for you both.

Seems a waste of time talking to someone who can't give an honest answer to anything you ask him, and does as he pleases no matter what.

Work on detaching mentally as well as saving as fast as you can, to escape this non relationship.

God bless

naive

oh, it's all so familar, justsomegirl. it's not nice to not be able to trust your partner. it's not nice to be the one always left at home. it's not nice to become a detective in order to have your hunches proven.

i was in the same situation. i had to take a good hard look at myself and ask "why am i tolerating this behavior? what is it i'm getting out of this relationship?"

those are questions we each must ask and answer for ourselves. for me, part of it was that i felt i had so much invested in the relationship (5 years) and also, there was part of me that was addicted to the drama. i thought "i can *fix* him, he's never known a good, loyal, loving woman before. i will make a nest for us and he will settle down and love and appreciate all my good loving."

hmm.

my uncle once said to me "naive, you have to take people as you find them".

he's right.

so, for me, i had to decide if i could deal with him exactly as he was: drinking, lying, cheating and always trying to give me the slip. i thought i could, if you can believe that.

but it just kept getting worse and worse. the lies. i, being the clever girl that i am, decided that i would determine exactly how much he was lying. i went daft doing this, really, became someone i wasn't. but then again, i guess i was that person. i checked cell phones, i walked into bars unannounced, i checked odometers, how much money was in his wallet, i even checked his shoes for dog hairs as one of the women he was sleeping with had a collie.

at the end, i wondered what it was i was holding onto? why was i becoming a liar also? because i was certainly covert in my hunt for clues. i didn't like who i was becoming.

really, no man is worth compromising oneself for. i'm not proud of my actions, but after five years, i needed some concrete answers. and i got them.

so, that's who he is. but who am i?

that is the question i am now trying to answer.

we can't control anyone. we can't change anyone, except ourselves.

for me, i had to take the focus off of him and what he was doing and begin to take a good hard look at myself.

peace and clear thought to you,
naive