spinner

I need some advice.

My recovering ex ABF owes me about $15,000. He "borrowed it" in smaller increments and never got around to repaying it. He moved out of my place over a year ago but left a bunch of his stuff here which I have been trying to get him to take home - canoe, bicycles, skis for him and his kids, computer etc.. I told him I was going to sell his stuff if he didn't take it.

We had worked out a repayment plan where he would give me $100 a month in grocery cards he can get from his Air miles. It was supposed to start March 1. On Feb. 28 he ordered the cards from Air Miles and they mailed them to him. However, he is afraid to get his mail so the cards are sitting in his mailbox.

This week I sold his canoe for $800. He knew I was selling it and agreed to it.

Now he wants me to give him $200 from the sale of the canoe because he can't pay his child support. I told him no and he has started demanding the money.

His dad is finally getting tough on him and told him if he can't get a job he will have to declare bankruptcy and go on welfare. His dad has been supporting/enabling him for many years.

He is sober 3 years now but has anxiety and ADD. He was employed as a high paying computer consultant up to 10 years ago and did well (according to him).

He says no one is supporting him in his efforts to get a job. As far as I can tell he has done nothing to even apply for one.

My question - should I give him any of the canoe money? I think it's enabling. I am hoping he will get desperate enough to actually get a job. I think he would do much better if he was working, but what do I know? Otherwise he can declare bankruptcy and go on disability.

I'd appreciate your wisdom on this one.

Spinner

suki44883

I wouldn't give him anything. He owes you that money and much, much more. If he can't pay his child support, that's his problem. Why is he afraid to get his mail? Is his mailbox at the police station? Good grief. I say, continue to sell his stuff until it's gone and don't give him a cent. He's a grown man and it's time he got off his a$$ and started acting like one.

CarolD

I watch the court TV shows....
You can legally sell his stuff ...it's considered abandoned goods.

You could subtract the $800 from the sum he owes you
that would be the fair thing to do IMO.
I'd not give him cash or a darn thing back.

I've never heard of the grocery cards ....either on TV
or personally. Seems illogical he could not go thru
his mail and only extract those....if they are there.

Disabilty is extremely difficult to qualify for
and getting tougher each day. Also it's not
very much Difficult to live on...for sure.
Don't expect him to even up with you from that.

I sure hope you can get some of the money you
spent back......sorry to know of the situation....

Pelican

ebay

and how much do you want for the bike?

spinner

He just phoned me to tell me of the great deal he got on a photo scanner which he bought on credit.

He just doesn't get it. Money in must be greater than money out.

Or maybe he has a shopping addiction to replace the alcohol.

Sigh.

CarolD

I'm sorry.....I did not notice you were in Canada.
Please disregard my early post....I know nothing
about what is legal there or about disabilty
benefits in your country.

I do however .... know a lot about toxic men
I've had a few mistakes too....

barb dwyer

Spinner I'm SO in love with your cat!!!! What a sexy hunky guy!!!!

I don't know about canada.... but I've had customers in here coming downto 'find' people they've sold BIG items (a dining room set) to in the States.

Find out if it's legal -

but I agree with Carol - write uip a bill and deduct the canoe.

Uh... what else has he got?

I need a tent and some camping equipment.

spinner

Thanks everyone. I have a good itemized spreadsheet of what he owes me and I will subtract the value of the canoe from it and give him a new copy.

Tent and camping equipment? Hmmm. Don't think I can help you there. Cross country skis anyone?

Disability is fairly hard to get here but his doctor was encouraging him to apply last year. I don't think he did because it would destroy his grand self image.

The grocery cards are like gift card from the grocery store. I know they exist. I just have to get them out of his mailbox. He is afraid to get the mail because it might be a bad letter from the tax people or something.

He keeps telling me it's not in my interest to have him go bankrupt (meaning that he would never pay me back then) but I don't see the different between not paying me back and not paying me back. Meanwhile he's out maxing out his credit cards.

I have to NOT think about this. It's just too weird. Do you know what I mean? To think that someone I gave my heart to has principles that are so far away from mine. How could I have been taken in?

Here's another picture of Sandy the cat (I hope)

suki44883

He is afraid to get the mail because it might be a bad letter from the tax people or something.

So...in his warped mind, if he doesn't actually SEE the letter from the tax people, there is no tax problem? LOL! I guess ignorance is bliss to some folks.

The problem with that is, if it's anything like it is here in the US, the longer he ignores them, the worse it's going to be for him in the long run. Bankruptcy (at least in the US) does NOT absolve tax issues. He'll still have to pay them and the interest and penalties will be staggering the longer he puts it off. He's only making things worse for himself in the long run. It WILL all catch up with him.

P.S. Sandy is absolutely gorgeous!!

spinner

That's right. His anxiety is so bad he can't get the mail out of the mailbox and look at it. In other words, he used alcohol to run away from his problems and never learned to deal with them. I thought it was pretty strange but there was at least one other guy in his rehab who did the same thing.

I can somewhat sympathize with the anxiety. I have suffered from varying degrees of agoraphobia in my life and it's a totally irrational fear but it's real to me.

spinner

Yes, it's the same here. He actually did his tax returns for the past 10 years and sent them in this year. He has a payment plan to pay the tax and penalties. So he did overcome a huge hurdle. One step at a time I guess.

Sandy says "Of course I am gorgeous. I am a cat!"

suki44883

Yes, I have three gorgeous cats of my own. They are both aloof and lovable, depending on their mood. Cats keep us humble. I like to say...if you ever feel like you are something special, just get a cat.

barb dwyer

Man.

he is just a HUNK. And 'bedroom' eyes. WOW!

sometimes I have to go back and read your posts twice cuz I get lost looking at HIM. sorry to get OT but ....

if I were a cat I'd be having a hot flash right now.

Carol Star

I would sell his stuff and cut my losses and cut him out of my life........

SheCanRun

That cat is sexy...! I have two kitties and I'm missing them both right now. Last time I stopped by the house my little gray guy sat at the bottom of the basement steps and just stared me down. This is the cat who would purr if I just looked at him. I went & got him and carried him around for five minutes before he would relax and purr for me. He's mad that I left him with AH. (Can't say that I blame him)

Spinner my AH did the same trick with the mail for years. We were forbidden to get any certified mail b/c he was afraid he's get called back to active duty. Our house had been on the verge of foreclosure for the past year & I'm not allowed to get the mail!?? Finally I said enough of this and started picking it up & opening it. The best thing that could have happened to me was him to be recalled to active service, too bad it never happened. We have tax issues too....

spinner

She, I hope you get your kitties back with you soon.

It's good to know that other people's A's are as crazy as mine!

Jadmack25

Get advice on the legal position, and if it is ok to do so, sell every item of his that you have in your possession. Deduct this from the total he owes and send him an updated and amended account and request for payment.

The chances of you getting paid out by him, are as slim as me becoming the senior astronaut on Australia's first manned flight to Mars.

Trust me, that is a very slim, because I sure am not.

God bless