12stepnchick

I know I've been "off track" program wise for almost a month now. I know it, can feel it and see it daily. I'm certain a huge part of it is the Fibromyalgia and CFS, my Dr believes they are attacking me in a combination effect. I also found out yesterday I will be having another surgery in July in an attempt mostly to see if the endometriosis has spread as the pain I am in is more frequent and intense. That is scarey enough since my PC Dr believes that the last surgery and the PTSD brought on from it is what cause the Fibro to finally surface in my body full blown. I just feel like I am drowning and I really just want to go under and let it be done with and over. My fight just isn't here, in me, anymore.
I sit here writing this and I remember a time......

I remember a time when I ached to get to my F2F meetings and couldn't wait for the message I always knew I'd receive there, now I don't want to go to meetings and when I go alot of the time my body gets so uncomfortable from the fibro and sitting etc, that I loose my focus.
I remember a time when I read on average of 4 daily readers a day plus anything recovery wise I could get my hands on, now I when I go to read my dailys I flip through them almost as if hoping recovery will just "pop out" and get me. And as for reading anything else........I don't even try much anymore...my mind isn't the same and I can't remember two sentences in what I read three sentences before.
I remember a time when I would call my Alanon recovery friends daily and email them and REALLY put forth the effort to keep in touch between meetings.......I don't so much anymore.
I remember a time when I came home from work or any activity still full of energy and ready to go.....now I fall asleep at 7pm leaving my 13 year old to man the house and grow up on his own, I used to be the world's best mom.
I remember a time when I loved my job and going there, and now I wonder from day to day if I'll have a job when management changes.
I remember having patience (never a lot but some), feeling well and energetic and thinking I could climb any mountain.........I just don't feel that way anymore......
And I don't know how to get that feeling back........that optomistic, just for today attitude that held me together when I felt I couldn't go on....
I remember coming here and feeling the love and compassion and ESH of strangers with soooo much going on in their own lives, taking the time to share their ESH with me.......I'm hoping you will again today....

lulu1974

I just wanted to say glad you are here! Hugs

barb dwyer

I really wish you'd tell me if you had your TSH and a full panel thyroid test.
What your'e describing is EXACTLY how I was - I couldn't SIT through a full meeting.
Just because-

before the doc finally ran the RIGHT test....

they said it was depression.
they said it was fibro.
they said it was bi polar.
they said it was hypoCHONDIRACAL syndrome.
they said it was anemia.
they said it was kidney disease.

It was NONE of those - it was the freaking THYROID.

Thyroid imbalance causes extreme pain.
Confusion.
Malaise.
Inactivity.
Weight gain/loss.
Anxiety.
muscle soreness.
joints that feel filled with broken glass.
headache.
stomachache.

I'd be DEAD now had I not found a thyroid website -
I was in full congestive heart failure (29 of 32 criteria)

the doc can run thyroid tests till the COWS COME HOME

and if it isn't the FULL PANEL TSH T3 - T4 count

it's not going to show what is REALLY going on.
If your doc can/t (or won't ) tell you your TSH...
they didn't run the RIGHT test.
If they tell you your thyroid is 3.5 or 5.2....
they didn't run the RIGHT TEST.

Please tell me you've had this done and I'll leave you alone.



*hugs*

12stepnchick

Thanks so much Barb for the information.
Yes I have had the TSH and full panel thyroid and almost any other test you can imagine.....every Dr, every time, comes back to Fibro with CFS coupling. They are working together now on what meds to use as you know with Fibro there is a wide era of symptoms and treating them all can involve many many pills, that I don't want and can't afford....so we shall see what happens next........somedays are good, some not so much.........today I am looking forward to a good one

FindingPeace1

One thing you might try is (this is going to sound crazy) walking barefoot on the earth, touching the earth with bare hands (like gardening), swimming in creeks, lakes, or the ocean.
It will make you feel better emotionally and physically, it helps balance/ground your electricity.
Try it!

Freedom1990

Chronic unrelenting pain can really wreck havoc on my program. I tend to lose conscious contact with my higher power.

I'll tell you what I did about the seating situation (old hard wooden chairs with high backs) at my home group. I brought my own lawn chair, the kind that's made with the soft plastic tubes that are laced through the frame, and I put a pillow on that. Everyone knows that's my chair.

Honestly, yesterday I was in so much pain I just wanted to scratch someone's eyeballs out!

It's days like that I make myself do my meditation reading, thank God for another day, and do the best that I can.

:ghug3

Jadmack25

Right now I am back using my walking stick to get round as the foot problem has caused me to put so much effort on to my arthritic knee. Can't wait for the foot op to come.
It doesn't help that not walking or exercising as I used to, I have piled on weight and Lord, do I feel such a heavy frump.

Pain pulls me down, and everything I do, is a real effort and so exhausting.

I can't be a minister for Easter services this year....and that upsets me.
All because of a small nerve problem in my left foot....Arhhhhhhh!!

Hope someone, somewhere, can sort out your pain ASAP.

God bless