Still Waters

I'm still working my way through the divorce process. I can't afford an attorney, and have had no luck whatsoever finding one that will work pro bono.

I think that's what's the most frustrating for me, since the legal wranglings are so confusing for me and I have no guidance at all. I say frustrating but it's really frightening.

My AH asked for alimony (permanent alimony). I never worked during the marriage and according to what I read, we weren't married long enough for him (or me) to be eligible for alimony. So, when I counter filed, I asked for alimony also - I need it, since he took my vehicle in the middle of the night it's very very difficult to find a decent paying job when you have no transportation and no money to purchase any.

Anyway - he's claiming I abandoned the marriage. If you leave after being abused, and after being threatened with a court ordered eviction notice if you don't...is that abandonment??

Sigh.

Wish I could find a lawyer.

LaTeeDa

I don't know where you are, but in CA we have Family Law Facilitators. They help people with paperwork. They don't give legal advice, but they guide you in making sure your papers are in order. Big help with the confusion part.

Also, there are some great books on doing your own divorce published by Nolo Press. They are state specific and cost about $20.

Some attorneys will also do "piece work," where they help you with certain motions and papers without taking on the whole case. You only pay for the papers they file for you without "representing" you or requiring a retainer.

I did my own divorce and it was overwhelming at times. Just keep doing the next right thing. You will get through it and one day it will all be over.

L

wicked

Still Waters,
I am no attorney, so this is my limited experience. If you never worked during the marriage, how is he basing the alimony? There is usually a figure to work with, and since yours is none, I don't see how he could possibly get alimony.
I understand it is frightening. You can do this. Any legal clinics in your area?
Get a free consult?
I am sure others with more knowledge will be along.
Beth

stella27

If you are unemployed, you might try legal aid or legal services.
Do you have any family members who have an attorney friend who might be willing to talk to you for 30 minutes? Or can a family member lend you $150 or so for a consultation with an attorney?

Your questions are state-specific, meaning that it all depends on the laws of your residential state.

Good luck - and I am sorry you are dealing with this. ((hugs))

GiveLove

SW, sorry you're suffering through this. Have you looked online at the divorce statutes for your state? Most states' web sites have very detailed online law sections. It seems like he's dreaming if he thinks he'll be awarded alimony.

Do they have Legal Aid where you are? Or is there a university somewhere nearby with a law school or law library? Sometimes too, a good resource is the local women's shelter.

Don't give up. Keep looking, and looking online. Go to the library and talk to the reference librarian about getting some relevant books through Interlibrary Loan - you can get just about any book (including the Nolo books) from anywhere in the world for free. I rarely buy books any more since I discovered that.

Still Waters

I've consulted the legal forms helpline LTD, and that's what has gotten me as far as I've gotten. I'm googling Nolo Press now thanks.

One of the problems: I'm not in the state I have to file in, so legal help here is pretty useless to me.

Also, I have to be there for the trial. Apparently you always go to trial in alimony cases. :/ I have no car, and no credit card. How exactly am I supposed to even GET there?

Bleh.

Edit: Is this the book you mean LTD?

Still Waters

Awesome, I just found a NOLO divorce book via the local library system GL, ebook

((((hugs)))

Bucyn

Try contacting a mediator in your divorce jurisdiction. You can do mediation without an attorney and it's cheap.

Then you'd file a motion with the judge asking the judge to order mediation.

A lot of times it can be solved that way. And a lot of times all divorces have to go to mediation before the judge will hear the issues.

Does he have income? And if he took your car, was it titled in your name? If so, why no file a theft report and get your car back.

Still Waters

No mediation is available over the phone, and I'm not in the state I have to file in. I asked this morning about that exact thing.

The vehicle I took is titled only in his name. We have two other vehicles titled in both our names, neither of which I had access to when I left. The one I took was purchased during the marriage.

LaTeeDa

The book I have is called "How to Do Your Own Divorce in California," or something like that. I think they have one for each state.

L

bookwyrm

I have no words of wisdom, no words of advice. Just want to say it really sucks and send you :ghug3

transformyself

I just want to tell you that you are strong, and funny and can do anything. Believe good things are going to come to you. Believe that you will find the right answers, and they will come to you easily.

It's true!

Still Waters

NOLO doesn't, not that I can find. I'm seeing some others though. I think too, that I'll look up some divorce cases, public record you know, and study the verbiage.

wicked

Still Waters,
I like to think I am an analytical person, down to earth yada, yada, yada.
But what transform says has been true for me, be open to all possibilities,
and it will happen.
Beth

transform,
your message box is full.
me

nowinsituation

A friend of mine just graduated from law school, and they accepted a few cases as part of their final course work. If there is a law school in the area you might contact them and see if they have any students that need a project (I believe they are well-supervised by their instructors).

Still Waters

I'm going to think ONLY positive good things today transform

Thanks.

MissFixit

I think NOLO means New Orleans?

If so, Tulane has a law school there.

Bucyn

That's true, you would have to visit the state you are in to do mediation. And many lawyers will not take out of state clients because it's such a hassle. And most free legal services are reserved for state residents.

Chances are you are going to have to go back to the marital state at some point for the divorce unless you and he can come to an agreement out of court. Divorce cases don't occur via fax and telephones.

You need to evaluate what you have to win and lose, and how much effort you want to put into this divorce. Did you own a house and does it have equity? Do you want one of the marital cars back? Is he employed? Do you have joint debts? Is there a pension or savings account? Does your AH have a lawyer?

If the marriage was so short that neither of you are entitled to alimony or lawyer fees, why ask for alimony--all it's going to do is trigger more legal manuerving and hassle? Maybe you should just cut your losses and let it go. Wait until you are served, use a paralegal service to respond and file for you, wait until there is a court date set, show up and say you want nothing but one of the two cars titled in your name and a divorce. You can tell the judge you are indigent and live out of state and hope for the best.

If there is something reasonable to fight for, file a motion for mediation and show up in the marital state for it. If it's impossible for you to show up in the marital state again for mediation, hearings or a divorce trial, and you can't afford/find a lawyer to represent you, you really have no choice but just to let it all go. Let him file this or that and accuse you of whatever, and deal with the fall out. The danger of that is that if he files for alimony, accuses you of making $100K a year and gets a judgment against you will have to pay it. After all, you didn't contest it.

The only way not to show up in the other state is to work out a deal with your stbxAH privately and let him file for you (or find a lawyer to stand in for you, but that's going to be very hard without money). But it sounds like he's not reasonable and filled with fantasies of 'making you pay'.

And if you are going to have to show up anyway, shoot for mediation, particularly if he doesn't have a lot of money or there aren't a lot of assets.

(How is it you have no transportation if you took his car with you when you left? How do you know he won't report that car as being stolen by you?)

In any case, good luck to you, and I hope it works out quickly and easily. Stranger things have happened.

cinderellawkids

google the name of the state and family law statutes, that helps and usually shows defination of verbage. Also, usually the COunty you would need to file in, find their clerk's office online, they should have a link to online forms.

If you PM me the state for your divorce, I can look up alimony laws there and get back to you, Im a paralegal, not specifically in family law though and depending on the state, I amybe able to get more info

Carol Star

I am in Va. A friend of mine filed her own divorce without a lawyer. Mine was cheap....$400. because we wrote our own seperation agreement and it was fair . We split assets. 50/50. I did have a lawyer. I read books out of the library. I don't think you will owe alimony. We had a car together that had to be paid off before my name was off the title and the car was sold. My X kept the car but had DUI's so I was glad to get that off my name. This too shall pass.