Mom's an alcoholic with psroosis
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Lake Worth, FL
Posts: 3
Mom's an alcoholic with psroosis
Hi my names Pete, I'm 22 and live in Lake Worth, Florida. My mother has been a alcoholic since I could remember, when I was around 18 it was really bad she was drinking bottle after bottle all day and night, she got injured at her job and was disabled so she was always home and always drinking. In 2005 or late 2004 she was very sick and throwing up blood, she was rushed to the E.R at 6:00 AM the E.R doctor told me it was a very real possibility that she could die today.
My mother and I have had a very good relationship throughout my whole life and this was very traumatizing to me. She spent a week in ICU half dead and about 3 weeks in the hospital after ICU. The doctors said she had psroosis of the liver and 20% of her liver left working & she could never drink again. She stopped drinking on her own (with no help or rehabs). She was put on the liver donor list and we have been patiently waiting for our phone call for a new liver. She was doing well until about late 2009 until a neighbor that drinks wine moved into the house next door, now she has it in her head that a glass of wine won't kill her or harm her liver any worse.
This is a woman that almost died from alcohol and now she's drinking again and I hate her for it. I really don't know what to do about it but she makes me sick and I believe a mother shouldn't make their sons, daughters and loving husband who will all do anything for her sick. We have been there for her through everything and love her to death but she has something in her mind telling her it's okay to have 1 or 2 glasses of wine because it isn't as hard of alcohol compared to what she used to drink, she doesn't understand and it really pisses me off I want to go next door and beat the living hell out of my neighbor because I believe they are enabling but I always stop myself from doing it & realize she's 54 if she wants to drink it's on her and not anyone else. I'm really stressed out and pissed off about this how can someone that was given a second chance to live ruin it for themselves and not care at all about her family??
We have tried talking to her about rehabs but she doesn't want to do it, and we can't force it. My father has had enough he's ready to pack his things and leave after a 35+ year marriage but he doesn't want to abandon her in this position. I know I'm not alone in this, and I'm hoping to get advice on this, I've tried writing to the show Intervention but they never replied I'm really lost in this battle I'm 22 and shouldn't have to worry about coming home and finding my mother dead on the floor. She's still on the donor list but once they do blood work and find alcohol in her blood why would they want to give it to her? Someone that will obviously just turn around and ruin a new liver.
Sorry about the long post I just needed to vent, I just got home at 9:00 EST and saw her eating dinner with a glass of wine and figured I could come here and get some input.
- Pete
My mother and I have had a very good relationship throughout my whole life and this was very traumatizing to me. She spent a week in ICU half dead and about 3 weeks in the hospital after ICU. The doctors said she had psroosis of the liver and 20% of her liver left working & she could never drink again. She stopped drinking on her own (with no help or rehabs). She was put on the liver donor list and we have been patiently waiting for our phone call for a new liver. She was doing well until about late 2009 until a neighbor that drinks wine moved into the house next door, now she has it in her head that a glass of wine won't kill her or harm her liver any worse.
This is a woman that almost died from alcohol and now she's drinking again and I hate her for it. I really don't know what to do about it but she makes me sick and I believe a mother shouldn't make their sons, daughters and loving husband who will all do anything for her sick. We have been there for her through everything and love her to death but she has something in her mind telling her it's okay to have 1 or 2 glasses of wine because it isn't as hard of alcohol compared to what she used to drink, she doesn't understand and it really pisses me off I want to go next door and beat the living hell out of my neighbor because I believe they are enabling but I always stop myself from doing it & realize she's 54 if she wants to drink it's on her and not anyone else. I'm really stressed out and pissed off about this how can someone that was given a second chance to live ruin it for themselves and not care at all about her family??
We have tried talking to her about rehabs but she doesn't want to do it, and we can't force it. My father has had enough he's ready to pack his things and leave after a 35+ year marriage but he doesn't want to abandon her in this position. I know I'm not alone in this, and I'm hoping to get advice on this, I've tried writing to the show Intervention but they never replied I'm really lost in this battle I'm 22 and shouldn't have to worry about coming home and finding my mother dead on the floor. She's still on the donor list but once they do blood work and find alcohol in her blood why would they want to give it to her? Someone that will obviously just turn around and ruin a new liver.
Sorry about the long post I just needed to vent, I just got home at 9:00 EST and saw her eating dinner with a glass of wine and figured I could come here and get some input.
- Pete
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,898
I'm sorry you mother is drinking again, Pete. I know how hard it is to stand by and not be able to do anything. My father died of cirrhosis of the liver and it's not a pleasant way to go. You are right, if she shows to have alcohol in her system, they won't leave her on the transplant list. You are also right that there is nothing you nor your father can do if she is determined to drink. She is an adult and has the right to do as she pleases.
You, however, don't have to stand around and watch. What are you doing to help yourself through this? Have you or your father tried any alanon meetings? There are people there who know exactly what you are going through and it's always good to talk to people who understand.
You, however, don't have to stand around and watch. What are you doing to help yourself through this? Have you or your father tried any alanon meetings? There are people there who know exactly what you are going through and it's always good to talk to people who understand.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Lake Worth, FL
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by suki44883 
I'm sorry you mother is drinking again, Pete. I know how hard it is to stand by and not be able to do anything. My father died of cirrhosis of the liver and it's not a pleasant way to go. You are right, if she shows to have alcohol in her system, they won't leave her on the transplant list. You are also right that there is nothing you nor your father can do if she is determined to drink. She is an adult and has the right to do as she pleases.
You, however, don't have to stand around and watch. What are you doing to help yourself through this? Have you or your father tried any alanon meetings? There are people there who know exactly what you are going through and it's always good to talk to people who understand.
You, however, don't have to stand around and watch. What are you doing to help yourself through this? Have you or your father tried any alanon meetings? There are people there who know exactly what you are going through and it's always good to talk to people who understand.
but thanks and sorry to hear about your father. I've never tried going to alanon meetings I was always really nervous with talking to people about it and just never gave it a chance, I'm ready to give it a shot now though because it's killing me watch her kill herself 
I just dont get how someone can get a second chance at life and want to throw it away, she says she can have a glass of wine, her doctors say she cant she also has Varascies?? open sores in her throat from drinking too much and she could bleed out ugh I just dont understand her. 
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,898
Wow, that sounds really bad. I know it's sad when people we love make bad choices and it hurts to think they don't care about those of us who love them. Please don't feel like your mother doesn't love you because I'm sure she does. Alcoholics don't consciously choose drinking over their family. They are addicted and unless they get help, they generally are in denial about just how bad their addiction really is.
Do you think your Dad would be interested in attending Alanon? It might help you feel a little more comfortable about going if he went with you, and it could really help you both.
Do you think your Dad would be interested in attending Alanon? It might help you feel a little more comfortable about going if he went with you, and it could really help you both.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,898
Come back any time Pbeezy. There are a lot of good people here who understand what you are going through. Read the stickies at the top of this forum for valuable information. (Geez...I sound like a commercial)
Take care. (((HUGS)))
Take care. (((HUGS)))
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South Africa
Posts: 330
I agree that ALanon is a great place to start to learn about the disease of addiction. It is not good for us to only look out for the alcholic and not to look after ourselves . It can make us addicted to them also. I am so sorry for your pain. Keep coming back here . This place taught me so much about the disease of addiction.
hugs
hugs
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 56
Hi Pete,
Welcome to SR. You'll find lots of great support here, I know I have and I'm very new here too.
Just wanted to also encourage you to go to AlAnon. You will be with people who absolutely understand what you and your family are going through, and you can just listen. There is no obligation to speak unless you want to. But by going, you will find instant support, as there is here.
I wish you and your family all the best, and do keep posting!
Welcome to SR. You'll find lots of great support here, I know I have and I'm very new here too.
Just wanted to also encourage you to go to AlAnon. You will be with people who absolutely understand what you and your family are going through, and you can just listen. There is no obligation to speak unless you want to. But by going, you will find instant support, as there is here.
I wish you and your family all the best, and do keep posting!
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
I lost my mother 3 years ago to cirrhosis. It is one of the most painful things to watch.
I felt the same way you did " If she loved her family this would not continue"
She is an addict it doesnt mean she doesn't love you. There is nothing you can do for her. Alanon is wonderful support, & so is the site. You will be suprised just how many people understand what you are going through and the support they can offer you.
I'm sorry that you are in such pain. ((( hugs)))))
I felt the same way you did " If she loved her family this would not continue"
She is an addict it doesnt mean she doesn't love you. There is nothing you can do for her. Alanon is wonderful support, & so is the site. You will be suprised just how many people understand what you are going through and the support they can offer you.
I'm sorry that you are in such pain. ((( hugs)))))
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by Pbeezy
I just dont get how someone can get a second chance at life and want to throw it away, she says she can have a glass of wine, her doctors say she cant she also has Varascies?? open sores in her throat from drinking too much and she could bleed out ugh I just dont understand her.
And she does understand that wine will kill her as much as booze, she just doesn't care. That's why she doesn't want rehab. She values alcohol over life, sobriety, health, family, etc... Of course, she knows enough not to say it. She's no fool, she doesn't want to be abandonned. She needs you all around to provide her a home, company, finances, etc...
God gave everyone a free will, including alcoholics. She can stop, she's proven it; she's just is using her free will to drink.
It is hard to understand.
And you are right. You shouldn't have to worry about coming home to finding your mother dead on the floor. You should be spreading out your wings in life, not hovering anxiously over a woman with a death wish. It's hard for young adults to leave the nest, if they aren't confident that the parent they are leaving behind is all right. My XMIL was never all right, and my XAH could never grow up into manhood and leave her; don't be like that. You can't keep her alive or make her happy or normal by crippling your life. She will not in any way benefit from you sacrificing yourself, she won't benefit in even the smallest way.
I have sons your age, and I have a great deal of sympathy for your dilemma. You are right, though, you shouldn't have to deal with this. I'm sorry she forces you to.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi Pbeezy
I do not have alcoholic parents but I did have an alcoholic boyfriend.
I thought he was a poor victim and "if only" he saw the light.
When I tried to reason with him he said he planned on drinking until his last day.
It is very sad and I still don't get it. I will never get it. Because I am not an addict.
Fast forward a year and a half later he still drinks as if there was no tomorrow. And seems happy with his decision.
Its their decision.
And leaving was my decision.
Even if they are loved ones you don't have to witness their slow suicide... you can love them...from a safe distance for yourself and YOUR interests.
This is a family disease - you need treatment. Alanon, SR, therapy.. addiction is progressive and chronic. I understand your dad about leaving her. If he does, where will you stay? would you go with him?
We can't cure them
We can't control them
We didn't cause it
We couldn't have prevented it
Their destiny is not in our hands.
I do not have alcoholic parents but I did have an alcoholic boyfriend.
I thought he was a poor victim and "if only" he saw the light.
When I tried to reason with him he said he planned on drinking until his last day.
It is very sad and I still don't get it. I will never get it. Because I am not an addict.
Fast forward a year and a half later he still drinks as if there was no tomorrow. And seems happy with his decision.
Its their decision.
And leaving was my decision.
Even if they are loved ones you don't have to witness their slow suicide... you can love them...from a safe distance for yourself and YOUR interests.
This is a family disease - you need treatment. Alanon, SR, therapy.. addiction is progressive and chronic. I understand your dad about leaving her. If he does, where will you stay? would you go with him?
We can't cure them
We can't control them
We didn't cause it
We couldn't have prevented it
Their destiny is not in our hands.
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