stella27

I have been separated from my AH for 6 months, divorce is pending, children live with me, his visits are supervised.

The last few years of my marriage were characterized by his unkindness, ugliness, contempt toward me - and of course, heavy drinking.

I recently took my children on a trip with several families that I didn't know very well. They were all so sweet to us - they did all the heavy lifting and just allowed me to enjoy the adventure with them and my kiddos.

The glaring differences between my H's treatment of us and these friends' treatment of us has me triggereing to the point of tears. I know it's just further proof that getting away from AH was the only option for us.

Will I seem freaky if I write them all the kind of note I want to write? The one that says "you will never know what your kindness meant to us? We have been wallowing in the depths of neglect and mistreatment and you are so wonderful?"

I am afraid that I will come off as a lunatic for expressing my true feelings - because my feelings are so far beyond normal.

WDYT? And does this ever happen to you?

wicked

Yes, whenever someone is kind to me. My emotions are very raw right now.
In a scary place. Trying to trust some one. He has been very kind and thoughtful, and that somehow scares me. Okay, because I didn't feel I deserved kindness.
And I do, we all do.

Write the thank you notes, but leave out your misery.
Everyone likes to know how they have positively effected someone.
Beth

Ceres

"might just leave it at the first part....nice thank you card, hand written note that says you will never know what your kindness meant to us."

<raises hand> I second that.

Taking5

You are experiencing gratitude, and it s different for you. I'd just write a simple thank you note and leave it at that. No need to go overly mushy on them.

ItsmeAlice

You are not crazy. I still sometimes get choked up when I'm the recipient of an act of kindness no matter how small or when I do something nice for someone and get a thank you instead of an f-you from the other person. I was just so used to the latter.

I agree that there's no need to tell the reason why it meant a lot to you, just that it did. Leave them with your gratitude rather than a feeling of sadness for your past hurt.

So glad you are getting out there with the kids and reclaiming the happy life you were meant to have!

Alice

stella27

My dignity - saved by SR once again!
Thank you - I wrote the note - several times to give it just the right blend of appreciation, gratitude, and lightness.

I wasn't really going to give them the whole outpouring of my heart, but I don't exactly trust my emotions right now, and I am so glad to be able to talk it out here before I present myself as a blubbering marshmallow.

thanks!

Crazy4Him

I used to post here on a daily basis and have been nc with my alcoholic for almost six months now. I can't begin to explain how much better I feel but even though I haven't posted much I had to respond to your post because it made me laugh since I went through this exact thing yesterday.

I was sick as a dog in bed but I was forced to go to work and before I left my apartment I called my aunt and told her just how absolutely miserable I felt. She consoled me like she always does and off to work I went. Ten hour shift, came home feeling like hell and as I'm walking up to my front door I see a basket. At first I was completely freaked out thinking it was a bomb or something (kind of telling and sad that this was the first place my mind went lol), but instead it was a basket full of soups, cough drops, stuffed animals, lip glosses, medicines and everything you could think of. I was literally in shock when I realized my aunt must have left it and just straight out started balling when I read the card that my baby cousin (and bff) picked out and signed for me.

I called them all crying like a baby. Triggered to, like, the zillionth degree couldn't stop crying. Kindness shouldn't make us sad should it? It made me sad. I felt like I didn't deserve it. That's not normal is it? I was even shocked when she said I didn't need to return the actual basket itself, they'd bought it for me, it was mine which made me cry more. Dude, literally on the phone for like half an hour... crying! My aunt was like, "Is your cycle on? STOP crying, we wanted to do it, we love you. It was nothing."

Lol food for thought I guess.

Crazy4Him

And I think a nice simple thank you note is not only a great action to take, but a necessary one!

TakingCharge999

LOL!
C4H, I am STILL posting here daily, LOL.
Great you went NC.

stella - Gratitude is a great healer. I am glad you had a good time!

Kittyboo

WDYT? And does this ever happen to you?

Yes and Yes! Like Wicked my emotions are very raw right now too. And I have just started communicating with a new man, and his kindness and wanting to get to know me is triggering the feelings I first had when starting to get to know my XA, as he "acted" like he was interested in getting to know me to. Right now, kindness is definitely a trigger.

Even now I tear up thinking about it. And the thing is, is that it doesn't scare me because I think I don't deserve it, we ALL deserve kindness, it scares me because I think it will go away.
Make sense?

I totally get how you feel right now!