trying not to let STBRAH mess with my mind
 

RAH invited himself to a family function tonight. I agreed-reluctantly. He has been moved out of the house for a little over 2 months. Three weeks ago-he had an opportunity to tell me the truth on some financial issues-one with him; the other about his daughter whom he enables. He decided; no he CHOSE to lie to me. Without flinching.

As drove home from the family function he started "messing" with me. I didn't understand why he was still seeing our marriage counselor...wasn't clear to him that HE isn't willing to work on things? Otherwise, most people wouldn't LIE to the spouse he claims he can't live withOUT.

So-he wanted to know is there any hope, or am I just done. My anger was building and shades of my life and days with him started resurfacing in my mind as I drove. Do I want this? Do I really WANT this? How can he ASK me this...after I was the one who kep believing him only to be lied to time and time again. Do I really want someone who threatens to kill people if they talk to me? Do I really want someone who snoops on my emails from girlfriends and violates my privacy and justifies these actions? And he calmly said-that is part of his sickness. But I guess it's alright in his mind, for him to keep asking me to give him second, third, dozens, hundreds of chances. :261:

Am I crazy for even asking these questions? I cried-and didn't hide it in front of him. Do you realized how much you have hurt me, I said? He cried more...

I have, since he has been out of the house for 2 months, a sense of peace for myself I haven't know in 9 years. I realized that it is better for ME that he isn't here and in my life. I have worked HARD on not allowing the parts of him that hurt me-not engaging-detaching successfuly, methodically and it's been good. Then why, oh why, am I affected by this craziness? Why can't I, when confronted with his twisted questions, just say-no, it's over and I don't want this bs in my life anymore. I'm sorry it has turned out this way, but I cannot honor my self and my sanity and serenity if I stay with you in this situation. Why can't I say that without being afraid he will hurt me (physcially-even though he has never threatened me; just others if they have contact with me), or retaliated through using my emotions?

Argh. I know all days can't be diamonds and this one certainly was not. Tomorrow is another day-and, I will be better because it couldn't be more heartbreaking than tonight.:guilty:

"And he calmly said-that is part of his sickness."

Being in recovery myself, I find that statement insulting! Sorry he's such a cad. My husband was a habitual liar. When he got sober, it didn't stop. I finally asked him "Do you think you can go 30 days without lying to me?" His response: "I don't know". Ugh. He would lie over the dumbest crap too.

Everyday he's gone, I find that it's amazing what I allowed to go on in this marriage!

I said to mine you cannot throw your car down a mountain and run to catch it at the bottom. When I compared my pain to a car that has been trashed he got it an eency weency bit. They do not get the hurt. Do not feel guilty for removing yourself. This is a crazy disease and if we get to stay "crazy " with them they can keep on hurting us. Deatch detach detatch.

(((mermaidgirl)))

I love this, and may just have to steal it when dealing with XAH's umpteenth query about WHY I can just away and not give him another chance.

Thank you all...I needed to hear some relevance from last night. He is soooooo good at filling his eyes up with tears and making this all about him. I feel for him, like I would a patient one of my physicians I work for would be treating-he is sick, but that doesn't mean I have to be part of the sickness.

I have given him everything I can, and now that I am getting better-the chances he wants don't exist anymore. I cannot believe that when I am with him even for a few hours I feel nothing. No pain, no love, no hate-just nothing.

Thank you again...the support I have here is a vital piece to my recovery and strength to stand up and say-I cannot allow you or anyone to hurt me anymore. I may have tears in my eyes about the loss-but my heart is saying thank you to words that are coming out of my mouth.

Same page today for me. Tears over loss of my other family - my in - laws that do not trust me anymore. Although their son deserted us.

(((Hugs)))

support, mermaidgirl??

you got it.

:c011:

That's self preservation kicking in, and it's really, really powerful. I am in the same place you are. It makes all the difference in the world.