Bail them out of jail or let them stay??
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
My first XAH had a couple DUIs. Sitting in jail did no good.
He also spent 45 days in jail (over Xmas yet) for not paying child support. That got 14 months of child support out of him before he lapsed. Not paying CS isn't even an addiction--it's just stubbornness and hatred.
Jail doesn't help the delusional. They believe the stories in their heads, the fantasy excuses, the fake world of alternate reality and then start acting on it. Once you turn your back on reality, nothing much reality can do will get your attention.
there's no understanding it it you are sane. There's a woman begging with a sign at the exit when i get off the turnpike every day. She's been there for years. She disappears for a few weeks here and there (commitment I believe) and shows up in different clothes, which she wears for 4 or 5 months, when she again disappears for a week or two, then returns.
She stands there hold up a sign at the stop light, and i've seen her stand there and pee on herself the dark wet stain running down the inside of her thighs.
If that's not hitting bottom enough to start following medical advice, nothing is. There really is no further rock bottom for her to reach...and it's still not enough. She's somebody's daughter.
I pass three beggers on my way home from work. They've all been there for years and sitting at Florida's looooong traffic lights I'd had a good chance to observe them. It's not a nice way to live at all.
But it's their CHOOSEN lifestyle.
He also spent 45 days in jail (over Xmas yet) for not paying child support. That got 14 months of child support out of him before he lapsed. Not paying CS isn't even an addiction--it's just stubbornness and hatred.
Jail doesn't help the delusional. They believe the stories in their heads, the fantasy excuses, the fake world of alternate reality and then start acting on it. Once you turn your back on reality, nothing much reality can do will get your attention.
there's no understanding it it you are sane. There's a woman begging with a sign at the exit when i get off the turnpike every day. She's been there for years. She disappears for a few weeks here and there (commitment I believe) and shows up in different clothes, which she wears for 4 or 5 months, when she again disappears for a week or two, then returns.
She stands there hold up a sign at the stop light, and i've seen her stand there and pee on herself the dark wet stain running down the inside of her thighs.
If that's not hitting bottom enough to start following medical advice, nothing is. There really is no further rock bottom for her to reach...and it's still not enough. She's somebody's daughter.
I pass three beggers on my way home from work. They've all been there for years and sitting at Florida's looooong traffic lights I'd had a good chance to observe them. It's not a nice way to live at all.
But it's their CHOOSEN lifestyle.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Captain, remember if it had not been his sister, someone else may have bailed him out. Perhaps his sister listened to the crying, "I've learned my lesson", etc. and fell for it.. no use being angry with her, she just doesn't know enough about it.. yet, like Bernadette says...
What is under your control?
perhaps to recommend alanon to your daughter. once, then let it go.
perhaps to recommend counseling to your son. once, then let it go.
Just my humble advice, I'm glad you are going to Alanon.
We can't control the outcome, the alcoholics or enablers or anyone else at all... hugs, this letting go thing is hard but I listened to a radio speaker say it is also an act of love.
What is under your control?
perhaps to recommend alanon to your daughter. once, then let it go.
perhaps to recommend counseling to your son. once, then let it go.
Just my humble advice, I'm glad you are going to Alanon.
We can't control the outcome, the alcoholics or enablers or anyone else at all... hugs, this letting go thing is hard but I listened to a radio speaker say it is also an act of love.
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