Am I the "abnormal" one or is he?

Old 03-19-2010, 03:24 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Wicked-

He didn't go to see a Dr. because I think you're right... I think he knows that it was caused by the alcohol or his Dr. would have asked him if he drinks alot. He would have lied of course so it wouldn't have been exposed.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Alizerin View Post
Nothings wasted!

Now, you can really look at yourself and work on you. Gotta ask - What kinds of guys have you typically been involved with?

ME: ANY man that's emotionally unavailable.
Alright Alizerin,
That is quite enough of channeling me!
Unavailable men?
Oh my, if there was a room of 50 men and 49 were available, which one would you pick?
The married, addicted, psycho?
Ding,
Ding
Ding!
You win.

It is so fantastic you are so young and you are getting this 1 sweetgirl.
Fabulous. And I can say I knew you when!
You are gonna be fine, and no time is ever wasted, lessons needed to be learned. That's all.
No regrets.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:26 PM
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Originally Posted by TheMissus View Post
I'd run as fast as your legs will carry you whilst you still remember what normal is. x
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:26 PM
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1SweetGirl <whew> See, you just jumped in the wrong pond! It happens. :-D Me, I jumped in the wrong pond and made it my home. Yuck.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:30 PM
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Wicked- I'm not that young. I'm 39.... LOL So is my guy. You know, I did see my younger sister go through this with her XAH. I'd go to visit her and he'd drink, pass out and then she'd drag him to bed. I was so sad for my sister... and here I am.... in that same situation. She keeps on telling me how my guy reminds her of her XAH.

I should run.... I should run as fast as I can away from him. My head is telling me this. My heart is telling me something different. Damn heart!!
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:34 PM
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Hey, print this out for yourself and hand him a copy:

THE 12 STEPS OF THE NON_RECOVERED:

1) We admitted we were powerless over nothing, that we could manage our lives perfectly and those of anyone else who would allow us to.

2) Came to believe there was no power greater than ourselves and the rest of the world was insane.

3) Made a decision to have our loved ones and friends turn their will and their lives over to our care, even though they couldn't understand us.

4) Made a searching moral and immoral inventory of everyone we knew.

5) Admitted to the whole world the exact nature of everyone else's wrongs.

6) Were entirely ready to make the others straighten up and fly right.

7) Demanded others to either shape up or ship out.

8) Made a list of all persons who had harmed us and became willing to go to any length to get even with them all.

9) Got direct revenge on such people whenever possible, except when to do so would cost us our lives, or at the very least, a jail sentence.

10) Continued to take the inventory of others, and when they were wrong promptly and repeatedly told them about it.

11) Sought through complaining and nagging to improve our relations with others, as we couldn't understand them, asking only that they knuckle under and do it our way.

12) Having had a complete physical, emotional and spiritual breakdown as a result of these steps, we tried to blame it on others and to get sympathy and pity in all our affairs.


I found this old bookmark and thought I'd share it. :hi:
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:35 PM
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I should run.... I should run as fast as I can away from him. My head is telling me this. My heart is telling me something different. Damn heart!!
Well, that could be young for me! On April 10th I will be uhhhh, yeah, 49 (for the third time). LOL
I know how the heart is, but your guy is telling you something else, and he is being pretty straight up about it. Some people on here were surprised by how much their SO drank for years.
I was 36 when I went to rehab, and my boss didn't want to sign off on it (I was Active Duty in the Army) because he didn't see the signs! For God's sake, I was getting black out drunk every other day!
But man, could I crank out a beautiful memorandum, or operation order. Yes sir. I could do those with my eyes shut, and I sometimes did!
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:37 PM
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WOW!! Powerful... I should give him a copy of this...
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:38 PM
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Wish I was as wise at that age. (46 and slowly growing up- LOL) Run ! -you are young enough to build a whole new life for yourself. Life (and recovery for me ) started at 45. Don't waste precious time.

This is your decision. I just hate to see smart women like us suffer in the name of "LOVE"
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:57 PM
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Wish I was as wise at that age. (46 and slowly growing up- LOL) Run ! -you are young enough to build a whole new life for yourself. Life (and recovery for me ) started at 45. Don't waste precious time.

This is your decision. I just hate to see smart women like us suffer in the name of "LOVE"
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Old 03-19-2010, 04:07 PM
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You should put the steps on the fridge. ;-)
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Old 03-19-2010, 04:29 PM
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I should post the 12 steps on the fridge...

Thank you all for the words of wisdom and advice. I hope my heart comes into alignment with my head quickly....
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Old 03-19-2010, 04:36 PM
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Normal people don't come to recovery websites.

Regardless of the side of the fence they might be on.

Because Normal People don't get anywhere NEAR the fence... to begin with.
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Old 03-19-2010, 04:53 PM
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the truth is...i got really drunk a few motnhs ago and this is not typical for me..i have a couple glasses of wine here and there but this one night really got me and I was so sick the next day and i looked at myself in the mirror and saw the same look he used to have the morning after and thought to myself...who in their right mind would want to feel this way on a regular basis...I mean my stbxh fell down the stairs one night and we had to take him to the emergency room because he had a bad gash on his face and he doesnt remember that night at all..he was still drunk the next morning at 6am when the plastic surgeon arrived...he was sober for two weeks and he drank again. Its insanity. There is a disconnect there with these folks and heck I just witnessed it and I feel like I am disconnected from reality...

I truly believe this is a sickness..it has taken me years to admit this. I guess I have taken my first step. WOW.
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Old 03-19-2010, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
Normal people don't come to recovery websites.

Regardless of the side of the fence they might be on.

Because Normal People don't get anywhere NEAR the fence... to begin with.
I have to say...this is the most realistic thing I ever heard. This statement is so painful true that it took me right out of my poor me state and I will now RUN to my alanon mtg tomorrow because this is so true. I knew he had some issues and I married him anyways. If I was ok to begin with..I would have made a different decision. Thanks so much for this
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Old 03-20-2010, 01:29 PM
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Normal people don't come to recovery websites.

Regardless of the side of the fence they might be on.

Because Normal People don't get anywhere NEAR the fence... to begin with.
So true: and, case in point: my alcoholic brother married his first wife when he was just reaching chronic stage. She divorced him. Because he was an alcoholic. Period. End of story.
He went on to marry two other women who shared a life of complete chaos and misery with him until they too divorced him.
The difference is that the next two wives went into the relationship aware, long before the wedding day, that he was an alcoholic.
Do I judge them? Heck no! I love him too. I am and was a codependent to him as well. So were they. None of us had a clue.
Course, I AM trying to work out my codie behavior. Now. I didn't know I had it....
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Old 03-20-2010, 01:41 PM
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1sweet,

One part of his failed marriage involved alcohol, by any chance did the other part involved you?

I think those 12 steps to post are for you, he needs to find his own 12 steps if he so chooses.
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