atdawn

Hello

I recently left my AH. We signed an agreement by which I got temporary sole possession of the house. So he is now looking for accommodation. I am avoiding talking with him and try to communicate by email to sort out what we have to sort out, but I also sometimes briefly speak on the phone as he talks to the kids on the phone every night. Anyways, he told me tonight he was having trouble finding a place, and that he would likely not get in a place before April 1st. He has been staying at a hotel for a week and a half now, which is not cheap.

Now - this is not my business, and I really should not have done that but out of curiosity, I searched online for rentals tonight, and I quickly found something, in the area he would like, which is available immediately. Now - I first thought of emailing him the link, then thought again that it's not my business to find him a place to live, he has to work it out on his own, and he can find this property online himself. But now I am starting to feel guilty that it is like withholding information that would be useful to him. I still believe I am doing the right thing by not being involved, just need to get rid of that guilt .... any thoughts welcome ....

Ceres

I think it's doing the right thing. Unless, you think there might be an issue of not being able to provide child support in a timely manner. In that case, I'd be all over finding mine a cheap place to live. ;-)

coffeedrinker

my xah and i parted quite amicably. i did the same thing - my motivation being i wanted him close to the children. so i called him one day and said "i saw an ad in neighbortown and there is an apartment vacancy..." he told me thanks, then went to look and saw a vacancy sign in a neighboring building. and so he was only 3 miles away from his kids.

sometimes i think we do a little too much "not my place, not my job". sometimes we can just do a favor for a friend or someone in our life.

Jadmack25

Just telling him of this rental is NOT pushing the envelope at all. If you paid the rent etc for him, and helped him move into it....that would really be meddling and enabling.

Heck help him a weeny bit, tell him where to find this place and leave the rest up to him.

God bless

wicked

atdawn,

i think it is a good idea to let him know. and i agree that paying or moving him would be too much.

PS
Love that avatar! It's as cool as Alizerin's. I must find something more warrior woman for myself.

KeepPedaling

I think you could tell him about it; however, I think it's a bunch of B.S. that he can't find one on his own. It's SO EASY to find a place and if he's really desperate, he could just rent a room, which is even easier. It sounds to me like he "can't find a place" so can he just "stay with you for a little while?"

Maybe I'm being too cynical? NAAAAA!

geraldatwork

I don't think there is anything wrong with telling him about the place. Maybe he is not that good with searching or computers. However as mentioned it should basically stop there if for some reason he doesn't like the place and expects you to search further. Also it is possible he was hinting or thinking about coming back to the house. By helping him to find a place you are in a sense setting a boundary he can't come back even temporarily.

LaTeeDa

*trigger alert*

I used to always do things for my XAH that he "wasn't good at." Eventually, I came to learn that much of it was feigned incompetence in order to get me to do for him what he could have done for himself.

Anyway, to the OP, it's up to you to decide if he is doing the 'poor me' act, or if he really doesn't know about the rental you saw. In my case, I would be repeating over and over to myself:

Not my problem, not my problem, not my problem.

L

Duped

They do play the victim card in so many ways to get us to do their bidding, don't they? It took me some time to realise it was indeed 'feigned'. Playing the victim card is their number one tactic. Playing the incapable one is also a big one and I believe is tied right in. Oh woe is me, I have it so rough. Just another means of control.

atdawn

thanks for all the replies. So I did let him know, and he did check it out, but then he found something himself - all good.

Thanks wicked about the avatar. I love that character. She is Emeraldas, a character from japanese creator Leiji Matsumoto.