Bohn05

I have been removed/broken up with my ex fiancee for about three months now and I have been starting to feel better. I think I was close to a nervous breakdown before!! Anyway people are pressuring me to date again and I just do not have any desire. I think I just need time to recooperate and also to trust members of the opposite sex again. Does or did anyone else feel this way after a breakup with their alcoholic? Thank you

wanting

I don't have trust issues really, but I did commit myself to a year of no sex or relationships. They are like drugs and alcohol to me. They help me to avoid working on myself and facing my issues. This marriage and divorce has been so painful that I never want to relive it. I know that if *I* don't change, I'll attract this type of thing over and over again.

MissFixit

Yes. It took me a year before I went on a date. I dated a guy for about a month and he was a sleazeball. Needless to say I needed more time to heal.

TakingCharge999

Sure, even now a year and a half later I have caught myself being paranoid with current partner but I am learning to know him as an individual not assume he is XABF in disguise and take out my anger on him.

I believe my trust issues did not start after XABF... I always had them... the stakes just got higher and higher until I woke up to my reality and the pain got to be too much.

I have learned I can work on my own stuff regardless of anything else going on in my life.

I have learned I have to DO things to earn my own trust!! you got to commit to protect your inner child first then trusting others is no longer an "issue" because "suddenly" only great people are in your life and you no longer find jerks, untrustworthy, unstable, immature people attractive or anything. Its like they no longer exist.

Also I would like to mention introducing friends to each other and to family has been great because the people that have always been my allies can give me honest feedback and I got "backup".

I did stupid stuff very early after breakup with XABFso IMHO... the more time you give yourself as a timeout the better...

FLLNINE

Big time! I just ended my 5 year relationship with my fiance and just last Friday I went on a blind date. After a great 1st encounter, I decided to see him again the next day. All was going well until he confessed being a recovering Alcoholic, 2 years clean.....I just got so turned off and red flags came from everywhere.....I ran! I don't think I can trust any man that had or has a drinking problem.....

Bohn05

Thanks everyone that really helps!!! Yes I guess I will know when I am ready to get back out and date again. I am really happy just to be by meself right now and work on my friendships. OX OX

BuffaloGal

I definitely would think twice... or ten or fifty times... before getting involved with anyone with addiction problems ever again (my ex husband was the first-- there's no alcoholism in my family of origin or previous bfs). However, I now have much more confidence in my ability to see trouble brewing, pardon the expression. So the ones I do trust, I trust more... because I trust ME. If anything feels off, I don't go beyond that point.

I have a male friend who's an alcoholic and I'm attracted to him, but not so much that I'm willing to go there. I am happy to enjoy an uncomplicated friendship with an intelligent, talented man instead. The friendship is safe. I like safe relationships these days.

mermaidgirl

ahhh....trust issues...yes, I can say I have trust issues because I want to protect myself first instead of giving myself up as a sacrifice. I have been married 7-1/2 years; and 2 months physically separated two months today. I started a journey of taking care of myself through counseling over 2 years ago, visited here often and now I am learning how to take care of myself. I find that if I take of myself, I land up with people who are trust-worthy because I am not the same person I was 9 years ago when I found addict behavior attractive in a partner. Yick. I don't feel compelled to "rescue", "take care of" or "save" anyone-but myself.

But-I agree the trust issues are big. I just take one day at a time. If it feels right-I do it and if it doesn't-I don't do it. I know it sounds simplistic, but that is how I have pared my life down to now. And, I will never, ever go back...because I am too happy.

ItsmeAlice

Oooooh yes, trust is a big problem for me now. Right after I left XABF, though, I think I was too trusting. Anyone that offered me friendship or support had me sucked right in.

My Xbest friend went a little loco and evicted me under some of my own suspicions she was under the influence of some kind of intoxicant.

A new friend tore me down emotionally when I reached out for support with a problem because he felt bothered. It was uncalled for and hurt me greatly.

I'm having to learn how to make friends without throwing blind trust at people and allowing trust be earned.

It's been a slow and painful road for me in the trust department for me.

Alice