ItsmeAlice

Life without addiction is still new to me, I guess. I feel silly even asking about it, but I feel safe with you friends.

I would love to get some ES&H on this topic. It's an adult subject so I would like to be as dignified as possible, but honest. It's something that has taken me a bit by surprise.

I'm talking about libido.

When I met XABF in my late 20s I had not dated for six years, I was looking for the love of my life at the time and holding out until I found him. I was no virgin but was limited to just a few long-term relationships that were rather subdued in the bedroom. It did not surprise me at all that it was an aspect of my new relationship that we had to work to keep things fresh. We tried date night and watched movies together, but from the start things were rather sedate. I never related it his alcohol use at the time. I blamed me.

We had discussions about it and always agreed that for each other we would try to be more romantic and spontaneous.

As his alcohlism progressed the divide widened and the interim between our encounters were farther between. At the time we separated, it had been three years since we had been intimate with each other.

I guess I had just thought that once I left him nothing would really change for me. I suppose I also figured that my 'peak' years had passed and I missed them hanging on to someone who had lost his interest entirely. But now, I find my libido has surged. I find myself dreaming vividly and becoming distracted by thoughts during the day. This is not the demur Alice I'm used to.

Could it really be something that had been lying dormant all this time?
Is it really related to my own improved sense of self that is bringing this about? My new found confidence?

Has anyone else experienced this or have I gone completely over the edge?

I truly would love to hear some support on this.

Alice

Ceres

Hey,

My husband and I hadn't been intimate in 2 1/2 years. I just figured that sex wasn't important. Just a non-entity. Then, the SAME week he left. It all came surging back. I was dumbfounded. Then, got in touch with an old flame and ran on IMPULSE! Yuck. Which just made me all messed in the head. I didn't realize I was starved.

We all have needs.

wicked

Oh yeah, Alice, I am in the thick of it.
I was celibate for ten years, now I am dreaming like a teenager having wicked thoughts alot.
Gotta wait for the right guy though, I could just see me finding someone "exciting" and find myself with another mentally deficient addict.
Just waiting.

wicked

yeah, and this!

ItsmeAlice

I actually got a little teary-eyed reading your replies. Thank you everybody!

It's a big relief to hear of others going through this same thing.

Thumper

Wow. Who knew. Good and interesting post. I can certainly relate to the first part. I pretty much figured that part of me was broken beyond repair.

I will be awaiting the arrival of passionate warrior woman spirit with great anticipation!

12stepnchick

What a great, honest open post.......thank you so much for sharing

qwe

All this makes me think of that one scene in that one move, Under The Tuscan Sun...

When the time is right, you go girl!

Also makes me think there's hope for me too... thanks everyone.

coffeedrinker

I don't have any success story, except for the fact that, after my non-intimate marriage (my idea, not his) ended, and entered a new relationship that hadn't progressed to that yet, I like Al connected with an old b.friend. He remembered me (20 years had passed!) and I felt secure and comfortable enough to have a good experience and MAN WAS IT GOOD. Went back the next night for a repeat performance, but afterwards immediately knew that I didn't want a relationship with him. In fact I suddenly didn't even like him enough to have booty calls, or anything else.

I truly believe that what they say is true: the most important sex organ is the one between your ears.

MissFixit

The stronger and healthier you get, the more active you will want to be. The year before my exA, I was on top of the world. Very powerful feelings. I think that is part of what attracted him to me at the time...

Ceres

"The stronger and healthier you get, the more active you will want to be. "

Boy, am I in for it - if this is true. ;-)

ItsmeAlice

"The stronger and healthier you get, the more active you will want to be. "

Boy, am I in for it - if this is true. ;-)


You and me both Alizerin!

**

I'm learning more about myself, my real self, each and every day. Understanding my codependency and what are healthy feelings and what aren't has been a long road thus far. I suppose I should be delighted that things are now starting to get interesting, really interesting.

wicked

Oh yes, Alice. very very interesting for me too.
i think i should now rename myself
"wicked warrior woman!"

Thanks Alizerin! That's what has me pumped up this afternoon, and giving possible studs the eye! LOL
interesting indeed.....

BuffaloGal

Oh sweetie, dormant isn't dead. My sex life with my ex husband was never good-- the red flags from his drinking were nothing compared to the red flags in the bedroom. His tastes ran more towards internet porn than the real thing. Combine that with my post-childbirth libido slump, and things were not lively for the majority of our relationship.

My post-divorce former boyfriend and I had excellent chemistry... and we are 40 and 50 years old here, not young things. People laughed at us for our PDAs. I will forever be grateful to him because he supplied me with lots of... um... love and affection, at a time when I missed and needed it most. It was gratifying to be with someone who was so enthusiastic about sex generally and me in particular. We dated for 2 years, and it stayed good.

PHIZ007

Wow Alice! Thank you for this wonderful post. It made me smile when you said that you felt safe asking us here with your friends.....as I feel the same here too. I like to read it as it is for everyone!

I am in too!! Take care people.....and wishing everyone well......Phiz

wicked

BuffaloGal,

you are one of my heroes. i am going to be 49 (alright for the third time in april). someone ten years younger and thinks i am the greatest thing since uhhhh, i don't know what!
yes, definitely treasure mapping this one people. yep.
beth

Ceres

Well, a plus to all this is if I (we) can hold out until we're actually ready - There's gonna be many a HAPPY man. ;-)

ItsmeAlice

Well, a plus to all this is if I (we) can hold out until we're actually ready - There's gonna be many a HAPPY man. ;-)

Absolutely.

While I'm waiting, I shall have to use my time wisely to discover what makes the new me the happiest.

LaTeeDa

I was 43 when my marriage ended. I had been told I was frigid so many times I started to believe it. We had relations maybe 3 times in the last two years. I enjoyed it 0 times. After he left, I turned my focus on me. Lost weight, cut my hair, bought new clothes, etc. I was surprised when I started to feel sexy again. I had figured I was just at "that age" when things start to slow down in the libido department. Had resigned myself to it.

It was SO not true. I bought my first ever BOB (battery operated boyfriend) at the age of 43. What a prude, I know. I rediscovered my sexuality. Now I have a collection of BOBs which my daughter found while snooping for Christmas gifts. She confronted me with her shock. I told her serves her right for snooping, lol.

I, too, had a fling that didn't really do much for me other than reawaken my warrior woman. I've now been seeing a wonderful guy for almost three years, and things are as lively as ever.

L

Ceres

Oh Yeah, B.O.B's the best - Even the most reserved women can descreetly get one on-line ya know. ;-)