Duped

Sticking to your guns can be a toughie. Our AXs will consistently test our defences. They will never stop trying to find a weakness in our armour. I've learned that you simply cannot soften up, because then they've got you. If they see that you are indomitable they will back down. But unfortunately the minute they smell weakness, they will strike and strike hard. Mine ex A is unscrupulous and I have to always be weary of the knife that could be embedded in my back. That's just the way she operates and I have to accept that. When you spend your whole life lying, it's difficult for them to operate any way else.

isurvived

All the things listed above in preparation for "cutting the cord" - and then when you separate, NO CONTACT.

Making a list ahead of time helps you to resolve it all in your mind. It is not a one of these things that you do on a whim, OR in anger. It requires lots of thought, lots of planning. To help you with the thoughts, and the planning perhaps a counselor so you can sort out your feelings. Or if your addict partner is abusive, get an advocate from your local domestic violence agency. They can be of huge support emotionally and also with resources.

I've been where you are several times... my XA managed to sweet talk, promise his way back into my heart on a number of occasions... I went back and forth for some 20 years.

But in the end, I had my resolve due to all the careful thinking, planning and a NO CONTACT order from the courts. He tried to contact me one time after that, and I called the police and he got himself arrested for not adhering to the court order... which by the way was most helpful to me in the actual divorce proceedings!

It's been two years since I heard his miserable voice!!!!!! Life is GREAT!

I have grown children, and due to that I still hear about him - but I don't ever have to live with his misery ever again. I now only have a "non-reactive" sympathy for him and his problems. Notice I said non-reactive.

I do still have some residual anger issues which I am working through little by little - that is why I still visit this site... and I like to share my experiences if it means it will help another in that same miserable situation I was once in.

Best to you!

isurvived

All the things listed above in preparation for "cutting the cord" - and then when you separate, NO CONTACT.

Making a list ahead of time helps you to resolve it all in your mind. It is not a one of these things that you do on a whim, OR in anger. It requires lots of thought, lots of planning. To help you with the thoughts, and the planning perhaps a counselor so you can sort out your feelings. Or if your addict partner is abusive, get an advocate from your local domestic violence agency. They can be of huge support emotionally and also with resources.

I've been where you are several times... my XA managed to sweet talk, promise his way back into my heart on a number of occasions... I went back and forth for some 20 years.

But in the end, I had my resolve due to all the careful thinking, planning and a NO CONTACT order from the courts. He tried to contact me one time after that, and I called the police and he got himself arrested for not adhering to the court order... which by the way was most helpful to me in the actual divorce proceedings!

It's been two years since I heard his miserable voice!!!!!! Life is GREAT!

I have grown children, and due to that I still hear about him - but I don't ever have to live with his misery ever again. I now only have a "non-reactive" sympathy for him and his problems. Notice I said non-reactive.

I do still have some residual anger issues which I am working through little by little - that is why I still visit this site... and I like to share my experiences if it means it will help another in that same miserable situation I was once in.

Best to you!