gracie

My life came to a crisis point last week. After weeks of cocaine use, conveniently traded from trusty ol' Bud Light, my husband agreed to stop it all. This came about after I left him for a couple days and saw a therapist. Husband is to see his own therapist next week and we will take it from there. He has not had anything to drink nor has he used (to my knowledge) and seems like a different person. I know that these kinds of issues don't magically disappear overnight but I can see the difference in him. He is eating, sleeping, he is starting to look and act like the guy I used to know. Although his anger is dissipating, he still will not come out and say 'I am an alcoholic' but I am seeing a willingness to talk about the 'issue', as he terms it . I have also discovered in my sessions with the therapist that I have risky drinking behaviors, binge drinking to be exact. The only use I have for alcohol is to get blitzed but I don't do it frequently. I suppose I am doing it enough though to constitute a problem. I have been able to justify it since it's always a social thing or whatever. It's so odd how things just came to a head for me and I knew I could not keep my head in the sand anymore. I feel a bit lighter each day, and it's because I am taking care of myself now, although I worry that each time hubby runs out to the store that he is really going to buy a beer and down it in the car and hey, he may be doing that but I am not going to live my life policing him, checking his breath, etc. I figure it's one day at a time. I don't have to make decisions today about the rest of my life. I obviously hope that hubby will eventually seek treatment, via AA but it's enough that he has agreed to therapy. I know his real demons are the loss of his children (crazy ex wife, brainwashed the kids, they are estranged) and the intermittent excessive drinking is an effective anesthesia for his pain. Until he starts breaking through those barriers, and doing so with a sober head, the healing can't begin. I am trusting in God and the therapist who has a real challenge on his hands. The good news is that hubby said to me that all his efforts in the past to stop drinking were to pacify me, to shut me up. He gave the bare minimum until the heat was off. This time he says it's for him and his actions, thus far, are backing up the statement. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

liddy

((((gracie))))

great steps in the right direction.
welcome to the beautiful world of recovery !
One day at a time becomes a way of life around
here,and it can for you too. Do you attend alanon?
It was the best thing I have ever done for myself-ever !
The fellowship of f2f meetings,working the steps and
having a sponsor are a priceless gift.
Keep coming back gracie-we learn alot on these boards
and a fellowship exists here too. Strong people to help
or share with.
many hugs
liddy

Rose56

Gracie, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you move into recovery. Alanon meetings have been a life saver for me. Take care.