Another thing crossed off my list
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Another thing crossed off my list
So, I have not taken a stand on serious matters. Recent threads were really not letting me ignore it. It was weighing heavily on my mind.
I have never confronted my xah about his drinking and driving. I'm sure he's done it with the kids on many occasions because he drinks every day. He also put them all in the front seat of a two seat pickup and drove them 30 miles on the winter roads.
I'm sure there are many reasons I did not outwardly confront him on these things. None of them good. Mostly shame maybe that I allowed it to happen. Confronting him makes me admit that I allowed such a terrible thing and what kind of mother does that make me? It makes me fearful that I could allow such a thing. It does not fit my self image and that is a hard pill to swallow. I don't confront period but not even for the sake of my own kids?!
Anyway - another diluge of emails and there was one that gave opportunity to address this issue. So I did. I responded to his safety question concerning someone that would watch the boys if he had them for half the summer. I can't imagine he'll take them for 1/2 the summer in a million years but if he does, it makes me sick to think about the safety issues
I added that if I found him drinking and driving with the kids, or without them properly belted in/safe, that I would report it immediately. That wasn't a huge confrontation or anything but I said it...and I'll do it.
Oh, and I ignored all the irrelavant ones.
I have never confronted my xah about his drinking and driving. I'm sure he's done it with the kids on many occasions because he drinks every day. He also put them all in the front seat of a two seat pickup and drove them 30 miles on the winter roads.
I'm sure there are many reasons I did not outwardly confront him on these things. None of them good. Mostly shame maybe that I allowed it to happen. Confronting him makes me admit that I allowed such a terrible thing and what kind of mother does that make me? It makes me fearful that I could allow such a thing. It does not fit my self image and that is a hard pill to swallow. I don't confront period but not even for the sake of my own kids?!
Anyway - another diluge of emails and there was one that gave opportunity to address this issue. So I did. I responded to his safety question concerning someone that would watch the boys if he had them for half the summer. I can't imagine he'll take them for 1/2 the summer in a million years but if he does, it makes me sick to think about the safety issues
I added that if I found him drinking and driving with the kids, or without them properly belted in/safe, that I would report it immediately. That wasn't a huge confrontation or anything but I said it...and I'll do it.Oh, and I ignored all the irrelavant ones.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South Africa
Posts: 330
(((Thumper))).
You are growing. We all made mistakes - some uge ones even in connection with our children - like staying too long (in my case) You are starting to live in reality and you are starting to make wiser decisions. I do get the part of the shame. Dont go there. Live in the" now". We sometimes fear to change ,because we fear the reaction that it will cause in the addicted person. You are getting stronger - do not look back.
You are growing. We all made mistakes - some uge ones even in connection with our children - like staying too long (in my case) You are starting to live in reality and you are starting to make wiser decisions. I do get the part of the shame. Dont go there. Live in the" now". We sometimes fear to change ,because we fear the reaction that it will cause in the addicted person. You are getting stronger - do not look back.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Ok, so you feel shame and guilt for allowing your xah to get away with bad behavior in the past.
You sure made up for that with telling him what would happen if he did it again.
Seems it has got to where you are feeling strong enough to call him on those issues now, and doing so will strengthen you even more.
Keep walking the path you are on, as it is freeing you of regret for past inaction and will eventually get you to where you are meant to be.
God bless
You sure made up for that with telling him what would happen if he did it again.
Seems it has got to where you are feeling strong enough to call him on those issues now, and doing so will strengthen you even more.
Keep walking the path you are on, as it is freeing you of regret for past inaction and will eventually get you to where you are meant to be.
God bless
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