LucyA

This may end up long, I apologise in advance but I really need to get it out somewhere.
For those who don't know, I have custody of my nephew, his parents are both dead, his mum from cancer and his dad from alcoholism, although both of them had drink problems.
For the last two years Joe (my nephew) has lived with me, he came her of his own free will, although at the time I was waging a one woman war with our social services to get him some help and support. His mother had already died and his dads drinking secret was out, his dad wasn't looking after Joe at all, taking off for days filled with drink and women whenever he felt like it, Joe wasn't going to school as often as he should abd he was very much neglected, and abused when his dad was home.
So, He's been here two years, one year on a residence order from the court, meaning I took on all the roles and responsibility of a parent legally.
His other Aunt (I may have mentioned her in previous posts) has never been happy with this arrangement, although when I raised the issue of getting a court order for Joe with her she said she would do it, but it would cost too much money.
I did it, I raised enough to pay all the costs myself, even though I was already a single parent and not entitled to legal aid, and I apid for a good solicitor, because I cared.
I've looked after this child for two years and had nothing but grief from his other aunt, she tries to arrange outings with him behind my back, gives him whatever he asks for (for example he broke his third phone in a row and I said he would have to wait for a new one and learn to respect his property, she bought him one) She continually undermines my parental authority and goes against my wishes.
None of this helps my nephew, he needs boundaries just like any other child, he needs a normal life.
He's almost 13, he had friends, wants to play on a local football team and wants to do what other kids his age do. She thinks he should go to her every weekend amd half his holidays, and she tells him this, she says it's because his grandmother is old and wont be here forever. (emotional blackmail or what?)
She phoned me Thursday, and said Joe was distraught at having to come home, he'd spent the weekend there, I asked her why he was distraught and she said because he's so unhappy. I asked her why and she said well he is. No real answer at all. I asked her why, if he was so upset on Sunday she'd waited till Thursday to let me know, as he was coming home here after all. She told me I'd be getting a solicitors letter about it all soon.

Whilst I know for sure the letter will be filed in the bin, my stomach churns at what her motives are, what she's hoping to gain, why we can't discuss why our nephew feels so bad and help him between us.

I've spoken to Joe, obviously, and he says he feel pulled in two, he wants to live here and he's happy but his aunty X makes him feel like he should live with her cos it's what his mum wanted when she was alive.

How to screw a kid up even more in a few easy steps!

LaTeeDa

Aw Lucy. It pains me to hear that you have to go through this on top of everything else. Is there a way to sit down with aunty X, preferably with a neutral third party present, and talk about what she wants for Joe?

L

LucyA

I wasn't sure if that was possible or not, so a few weeks ago I wrote to her, I outlined my problems and objections and the third page of the letter asked if we could try to foster some kind of civil relationship for the sake of Joe. She wrote to my solicitor (who is also my cousin so isn't the one who has dealt with the legal stuff around Joe) and said she'd only recieved two of three pages. I have no idea how she knew there were three pages if she only recieved two, I didn't number them..

I would love to sit down with her and talk about what Joe wants for himself, but I don't think it would get us anywhere.
What she wants for Joe is mostly irrelevant, I do understand that she is also his aunt and cares for him, but he is entitled to a guilt free life, and she isn't allowing him that at the moment.

Impurrfect

((Lucy)) - I'm so sorry that you are still having trouble with her and that she doesn't realize she is doing more damage than good.

I agree with LTD - is there any way to get some kind of mediator to sit down with the 2 of you, someone who has Joe's best interests as a priority? I know, here in the states, we had a Guardian ad litem for my niece when we went through something similar with her dad's family.

Big hugs and prayers to you and your 3 boys!

Amy

Freedom1990

Ack! I am so sorry that you and Joe are going through this!

It irks me to no end when a child is "guilted."

I had no sage words for you, but I will be keeping you and Joe in my prayers, dear! :ghug3

Still Waters

What is it with some people? Is it control?

I mean, why can't she let the child grow without meddling? Either you're fit, or you're unfit. If she has no real complaint, then she needs to grow UP and leave the boy alone!

*this really makes me mad

barb dwyer

no advice just a *hug*.

Bernadette

More hugs ((((((((((Lucy)))))))))))))

Speechless. Jaw hanging open. Honestly, WTH???? There are so many solutions that don't involve guilt or strife for Joe. Sending a prayer that as more is revealed acceptable options will present themselves....

While reading your post I was reminded of that quote from Mother Theresa - something like "God doesn't give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me SO much!" You've been carrying so much - your coping muscles have been really getting a workout.

-peace-
b

Jadmack25

Honestly this woman sounds like the never ending whinger. You have been doing a wonderful job and all she wants is to upset Joe and all that has been accomplished in making him feel loved, wanted and secure.

Here's my suggestion for next time the miserable and toxic "aunt" complains....
send her to this complaints department.


Stay strong, love Joe and pity "old grumpy".

God bless