MaryGoRound

Haha! Lmao O Anvil...and he claimed it was enough of the games! As if I've playing one!

I swear nearly everything he accuses me of doing is exactly what he doing, actually. Is there a disorder for OBVIOUS, EXTREME PROJECTION? Its so crazy!!!! Its just so crazy. I wonder if there's even a chance he'' see one day how flawed his logic is.

Summerpeach

YES, there is. Even though it may not be a medical diagnosis, I am declaring it one TODAY!

Everything my RA accuses me of, he does ten fold.

I still answer my RA, I'm not fully detatched (yet), but i am not able to identify when he says things in order to get me to react. And instead of reacting, I either dont reply or just say "ok" or "sure"

posiesperson

OMG, I could have written your words, Mary. You've really helped me by sharing your story, especially the "love me for who I am" bulls**t, and all the responses...anvil, that was IT, exactly--sandbox dynamics! And Barb the meditation is one I've cut and pasted so I can print it out for myself--it's going next to my bed so I can really incorporate it into my day. Suki, you're so right about leaving the door open to begin the dance again...how many times have I done THAT??!! Oh yes, and getting ME to do the breaking up, and then re-engaging oh-so-easily. I had no idea that my life was following such a prescribed path per the addict/codie dance. That awareness is just barely coming into focus. I wanted to believe I was "different" or my A was "not that way". Reminds me to re-read that thread about "uniqueness".

Mary, you are SO NOT ALONE. Summer, thanks for chiming in on your experience, too. I really needed to read these words today, just when I'm feeling a little weak and was tempted to even THINK about sending a nice, happy, light-hearted e-mail to my A during this, the 2nd week of our month-long break. I won't. I'll let those thoughts go and instead read these words. Thank you!!

posie

MaryGoRound

OOOO it feels so good to laugh at such tragedy.

haha. Its a similr feeling to when a child has it all wrong...Like when they ask you questions. Like I was trying to convince the younger of the two boys I watch to use the potty and I said "mommy and daddy use the potty..max does..I do...Don't you want to?"

he asked me "does your kitty too?"

I just smiled and said "yeah"

Somethings aren't worth explaining to ppl who wouldn't understand it seems.

Summerpeach

This song was written about Mary J Blige's stint with her addicted/abusive boyfriend.
She wrote this when she left him
It's powerful

YouTube - Mary J. Blige - No More Drama

NYC_Chick

My xabf used to do the same things! I really think they all read from the same book. Stay strong and don't give him a back in. It's hard, but you will feel better if you continue to ignore him. I let xabf back in several times to my detriment. The last contact was over a year ago and life is wonderful without him!

Always remember you are not crazy or playing games! They will ssy anything to get one over on you! Hugs : )

TakingCharge999

Stay strong

Its the Twilight zone... play the music in your head whenever a thought about him comes...

MaryGoRound

thanks nyc.

haha TC! That's perfect.

Kassie2

Been there Mary, RAH always said he was leaving and at first I beleived him and panicked - then I realized he wasn't going anywhere. I had to ask him to leave three times. Each time he threatened to D me and never see me again - but guess what? he never goes anywhere. And if you think about it as a reaction to what you are doing it begins to make some sense (in a negative way - but that is their world in the addiction) He is in recovery now but the old patterns of thinking about the world creep in and destroy anything we try to build. anyway, this last time I cut things off, he tried to get me back but blew it, and then went straight to I want a D. It has been two months in which there is little contact and whenever he brings up the subject I tell him to get me the paperwork and I will sign it. first response was, " ok, we will stay M forever then just not together", the second time was "I haven't done anything ", the third time, "I am too old to keep moving in and out, it is costly and I don't have it anymore, and I am too old to keep working on a rel that doesn't work". So with time, as I maintain the boundary he is doing his usual quaking until he can figure out how to accept things.

Hope that helps. I found that responses just kept things going and so I gradually stopped responding and even stopped listening to the messages. It cuts down on it all. Just vent it out here if you need to.

MaryGoRound

Thanks Kassie it does help to see exactly how alike they all are. Especially specific examples, like yours. Yeah he had said to me about 4 months ago. "I don't want to see you ever again." And I believed him. But it was just to get me back for trying to take a stand. They don't mean it. The funny thing is. I mean it this time. He knows I'm serious. And just like urs, he doesn't know what to do about it. He's tried all the old tricks...so he had nothing left to do, but get nasty so I would react negatively...
Its such a mess.

I know it doesn't matter until he is in recovery, but I thought he was close to caving/bottom because he got fired for snapping back at his boss and his roommate moved out and went to rehab. Last time I saw him he didn't know where to go and his dad didn't think it was a good idea for him to live with his sister since she has kids. He also told me he was scared to go get help for various reasons. So the changes I would think are in his favor. But this disease runs deep and I know he thinks he functions better doing all this crap. He's a highly functioning addict so he thinks I'm being unfair. I don't give a crap. He's not coming near me until he's in. Which may never happen. I know. I'm accepting that more and more. It's hard when he's weighed it outloud with me so many times and told me he doesn't want to be like this.

What was your boundary that you set Kassie? I'm curious.