I need more then channeling today
 

OMG. I'm so conflicted. I don't even know what I feel.

So, all these emails have been coming and I have ignored all of them. I want to answer but I do not. I want to head that advice in the other thread - breath before I react.

So many accusations - all just stuff he has said before. I want to respond but then I think why? What would it get me? Would I be able to let it go if I just composed one thought out email and sent it and be done with it? Has anyone done that? Did it bring any closure? I know what I say is not going to change his thoughts one iota. It never has. I will never be understood. He is not capable of looking at this situation in any other way then what he is now, which of course is me taking everything from him, ruining his life and the kids' life, and him being nothing but an innocent victim with a terrible disease and no one standing by his side.

His last email said to never contact him again. Hello - I never contacted him in the first place unless it is for some item of business. It is him who contacts me with non-business focus, which I rarely respond to even if he calls me on the phone. How can I not contact him? We have four kids that he supposedly wants to see. He is punishing them in order to punish me or fulfill some warped sense of self-pity that he has. I know there is nothing I can do about that but I really want to call him on it. It seems like my kids deserve to have me stick up for them but maybe that is just a codependent excuse to have my last stand - to try and get him to 'see the light' and 'do the right thing'. Still trying to change him. :sigh:

The other option is to send one last email simply saying you come and get the kids, sober and in a safe vehicle, when you want to see them and attach the visitation schedule and be done with it. That means he will never see them because he only has a two seat vehicle. If it is me that does the driving - I have to contact him each time to arrange it. What to do?! My channeling powers are failing me today.

Yes Breathe -in and out

How about the Serenity Prayer - if you can't say the entire prayer - try this with me

God
Serenity
Courage
Wisdom
now - Breathe again

You are very correct in stating that no matter what you type, write, sing, dance or scream at the top of your lungs - HE can't HEAR you or understand you

You would come out better talk to a PINE Tree (which I have done just to make me feel better - ha ha ha) if you feel you need to get these things out of your head - type up a FU letter with everything you would like to say to him and print it out and send it thru the shredder, burn it, put it the in garbage disposal, etc

Empty your mind and heart of the blech - but don't waste your time with him - the disease has him and it won't listen.

My ex AH has 5 daughters (he had 3 & I had 2 when we married) he sees NONE of them now - we have 9 grandchildren - he sees none of them. Really most of the girls don't even want to see him - because the never know if he will be sober or not - HE has lost his chance with them. HE lost it - not I kept them from him, I didn't help him enough, blah, blah, blah - He lost it. It was his choice.

Your ex AH is making his own choices - you are only allowing him to do it - this gives him free will - he has the right to choice wisely or unwisely - IT has nothing to do with you.

All you can do is be there unconditionally for your precious children. They will need you and be grateful for you!

HUGS,
Rita

Right. He is trying to HOOK you. It would get you right back to the place you are trying to get out of.

If you need your feelings validated, or you need closure, how about compose one thought out email and post it here. We will read it and reply in a way that a healthy person who cares about you would.

Replying to HIM is just going to get you more of the same sickness and takes the chance that you get hooked back in with him. Yuck.

You guys are right. I need to clear my head. His relationship with his children is his issue to manage, not mine. I am not responsible for that!

Thank you.

It *is* a hook. I'm so glad I did not respond to all the emails over the last couple of days. I took time to breath and when that was hard I came here :) How can the simple seem so complicated sometimes?

I closed on the house today. That was so freeing. That is the last thing I really needed his cooperation on. Everything else that is major is court ordered so there is always that recourse.

Congratulations on closing on the house!!! It took me a year to sell mine!

Funny thing -when I stopped managing his visitations, he just did not pitch.
Kids prefer it like this. They are traumatised by the history so I just let it be!