KeepPedaling

of a much bigger problem - selfishness, self-absorbtion, laziness, lack of coping skills, a sense of entitlement, and cry-a$$-ism (whiner - ism?).

That's just how I'm feeling today.

Still in anger phase? Maybe.

Selfishjerkoholic
Lazioholic
Nocopingskilloholic
Senseofentitlementoholic
CryA$$oholic
Spoiledbratoholic

Impurrfect

((KP)) - It took me a while to get past the anger phase, and I would, then I'd go back to it. I didn't realize that we don't just go through a phase...graduate and move on. We go in/out, back and forth.

Try to just work through the feelings and keep moving forward..you have made such huge progress...this is just a little speed bump.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

KeepPedaling

Thanks Amy. I'm already feeling better. I think I had an anger spasm and now it's over. I feel better! That's how it is though! I'll go through the day feeling great, now it's even days at a time, then WOOSH! I'm mad. Or WOOSH! I'm sad. The wooshes go by more quickly now though, which is good. It used to be that every day ALL day was horrible.

I'm going on a trip soon that I'm really excited about. It's only 4 days, but it's going to be so much fun. Something to look forward to.

Summerpeach

boy this made me lol.

Yes, they are all of those things. Another good one is
Denialoholics

Dean62

It's only fair to speak for myself and what I have seen. Yes I am guilty of most of what you said in your first post, but I know people who are not "alcoholics" who are as guilty the list you have what you mentioned.

I am not trying to be mean, sorry if it sounded that way. I know some people don't think much of alcoholism being genetic, but I know it is, and alcohol is really a small part of it. I have many family member who where smart enough to get medication from a doctor instead of self medicating. As I have gotten older however, and they have now opened up to me, Yes, alcohol is just a symptom, and it is a symptom of much more then what you have listed. Most of the people in my family however have found more "socially exceptable" ways then the very selfish, very self destructive form of self medication that alcohol becomes.

I am glad you are feeling better. I hope you don't take what I have said in a wrong way but I know, from what I have seen of people who suffer from this who don't drink, they also have a tough time with life and coping.

stella27

AMEN, kp!

One thing that helps me - and I learned it from this board - is to be open to feeling the feelings - in this case - ANGER. I recognize it - I'm feeling angry. I sit with it. I am feeling angry about ____. I give it some credence "This makes me angry because _____ and it's okay to feel angry about this"

and then it doesn't haunt me and lurk in the shadows all day. It actually goes away and I can keep on with my agenda - which is to have a good day and a good life.

anger
anxiety
fear
regret
guilt

I grapple with all of these on a regular basis.

But I think the grappling with is what distinguishes us from those without coping skills. And I totally agree with your list, btw.

KeepPedaling

Dean, I know that my anger list is over simplifying a much deeper issue. My xabf was unable to cope with so many things and did not seek help when he should have. He had many tragic things happen to him, self medicated, and had even more tragic things happen to him. His life became a regular snowball of tragedy. I think surviving as an alcoholic must cultivate and help to hone skills like manipulation, complete self-absorbtion, and vicious self-defensiveness. I do believe alcoholism is a symptom, but not only what I listed (I'm hurt and angry). I think, in the beginning, it's a symptom of deep pain and sadness and an inability to shake free of it, which leads to hopelessness.

I'm not sure how I expected someone (an alcoholic) who spends each and every day hurting himself, to not hurt me too. I'm just mad at myself mostly and very sad for him.

Thanks so much for the response, and I hope I haven't offended all of the recovering alcoholics out there. I was just mad and I understand that alcoholism is complex and painful and I do not mean to oversimplify or be disrespectful of the struggles involved in recovery.

And thanks to everyone for seeing the humor in my list. It felt good to write it. Aaaah, moving on!

ladyhawk69

Just wanted to share something. I put this on my fridge and look at it everyday. It helps with the anger, frustration and puts me in a positive frame of mind:

He does not dictate my self worth or anything that has to do with who I am as a person. He chooses his own reality and makes his own decisions, not me. It's not my job; it's his for the rest of his life. Only I can dictate my own happiness and positive self esteem and I am happy about that. In the past, relying on others for it was unrealistic, unhealthy and fake. I make my own reality.

Duped

KP, it's been months since I left my exAGF and I still have angry days. They are fewer and far between though. These days I'm angry at myself for being so humiliatingly manipulated, controlled and used. Some days I feel like a real idiot. Other days, not so much, because I saw the light and moved on from the insanity. Even my mother is thankful that I wasn't shackled by emotion and love for my exAGF, else I would have been hopelessly trapped in unending hurt.

If love were a light switch, my ex switched it permanently off. It takes a lot to make someone fall out of love with you for so long, but then, in a very very short time her web of lies, that big old house of cards came crashing down and I saw everything for what it was - a big pile of horsecrap, our relationship, her 'love' for me......it was all one big deceitful ruse to have a man take care of her, nothing more.

And I'm not even that hurt by it. I know that I deserve more and I will find it.

TakingCharge999

In my culture females and anger are a tabboo.. not to say I am washing my hands from my feelings just reflecting on how I don't recall ever being "allowed" to feel angry about something or even MOTIVATED to feel as angry as I could and take it out in a healthy way. I'm glad we can learn that now... thanks for the phrase stella I am writing it now on a journal I got at work where I am triggered often.

PS I bought ear plugs so I can have XABF next to me working with someone else and I dont hear a word!! damn why didnt I think about this before. Ear plugs are the best invention ever!!

KP Good for you for making fun plans it took me like a year to get out to a restaurant and there you are already living your life..

IamSaved

My sister-in-law told me its like waves washing over you. The sea is calm, and then suddenly WOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ..this wave of panic, fear, anger, sadness, all at once just washes over you. The secret is, get out your surfboard and RIDE IT until it passes. The seas will become calm again! You just have to ride that wave for as long as it takes, but don't get SUCKED back into the riptide!

cinderellawkids

KP, I laughed hard when I read your list. Then I remembered thats all the things my STBX AH 's deniholic family accused me of.... oops. So Ill think before I act and if actions not on that list keep going remembering where its come from.

Iamsaved, thats great about the waves of feeling

Still Waters

Knowitallaholic


Very important one..since my AH is the expert in all things.

littlefish

I am in the process of working through step 4 of the AA program. My alcoholic father and three active alcoholic brothers are on my list of people I was/am angry at and have resentments towards. It was hard to make the list, and hard to deal with all the memories of my father, who was a:

Selfishjerkoholic
Lazioholic
Nocopingskilloholic
Senseofentitlementoholic
CryA$$oholic
Spoiledbratoholic

My brothers are all alive and are all of these things as well. But, I don't agree with you that alcoholism is a symptom. I would instead turn it around and say that all of these things are symptoms of alcoholism.
The reason I say that is because, firstly, I truly believe alcoholism is a disease. And, secondly, seeing their behavior as manifestations of a disease is the only way I can deal with the anger and resentment I have towards these family members.

If I were to instead see their behavior as character defects that cause alcoholism, (and they of course have these character defects), then I won't have much of a choice but to go on hating them.
Because by that reasoning, they simply need to go to a shrink to get rid of those defects.
Well, alcoholics spend thousands of dollars on shrinks, if they have the money, and many do, to try and eliminate those defects. But they can't. The rooms of AA are full of alcoholics who spent small fortunes on the analysts couch.

My sponsor asked me: would you feel angry that a cripple can't walk? Of course I wouldn't, but, I feel angry when my alcoholic brothers don't behave like sober people. Yet, that is unrealistic. As long as I hold on to my expectations that they should behave like normal people while they are active alcoholics, I am going to keep feeling angry.
Until they stop drinking and begin a program of improving themselves, my best choice is to minimize contact and watch my boundaries closely, and evaluate how realistic my expectations are. They are usually not very realistic....

Thumper

HA!

I needed that list tonight. It has been one of those days!