An update...
 

I think the last time I posted a new thread was when my stbxAH disappeared during his visitation and I didn't go on a long-awaited weekend trip to Mexico because he couldn't care for the children in his crazy/drunk state. That was the last weekend in January.

So I set a boundary that all visitation with children (8, 7 and 2) would be supervised until his "treatment team" (psychologist and psychiatrist) said he was okay to have children on his own without the supervision of his parents.

After 2 weeks of medication-adjustment and multiple counseling sessions, he got the all-clear. That week he exercised one 3 hour visit and then on a Friday, when he was supposed to have them for the weekend, he got drunk and brought them back to me instead of keeping them.

Since then, he has seen them for short periods and he has spent 4 days in a psychiatric hospital. He has bipolar.

He was discharged/checked himself out on Saturday night and now, today, Monday, he is ready to have his kids again.

He claims that every time he does what he is supposed to do, *I* move the goalpost and he can never satisfy me. He says he was cleared to have non-supervised visitation after the main episode and why does he have to get their approval again??? Ummm... because since then you got drunk with the children and have been in the hospital, so now that you decide you're better, I am supposed to hand them back over to you?

And it's MY fault that you don't get to see your kids unsupervised??? REALLY???:c029:

I'm handling it OKAY, but the situation is growing more and more bizarre, and his grasp on reality seems to be slipping. And I have to work hard to stay in MY reality.

:lala

I'm concerned for your children. How are they handling all this on-again, off-again? Is there some way to suspend visitation for a period of time until he can prove he is stable?

L

Yes. I agree. I talked to our counselor/psychologist about that last week.

H is obviously on a roller coaster. MIL is a rider in his rollercoaster car, so she is always pushing visits and I am saying no and then she tantrums at ME.

Psych said I am being protective, and let them be angry if they want to.
He also spent a session with my oldest (age 8) on Friday and said that he has a good framework for the situation. I really expected H to be in hospital longer than 4 days so I thought we were having a long break from visits with Dad.

the older kids know that Dad hasn't been doing very well - that he has been sick and even went to a hospital - and that sometimes it will work out to see Dad and sometimes it won't. I am trying hard to manage their expectations
and keep the visits somewhat predictable but it is proving difficult with this volatile situation.

My daughter (7) was with her dad when he was so drunk and he had promised to take her to the carnival, so she was really hysterical over not getting to go to the carnival AND not getting to see her dad. That was a hard night.

It does suck. It sucks that they don't have a reliable dad who puts them first, and it sucks that he (and sometimes his family) blame ME for being unreasonable when I try to shield my kids from the constant whiplash.:c020:

You really are having a shocker of a time and MIL is not helping.
Of course the kids are not happy at the see saw visitations, but what can you do if HE decided that visitation days were a good time to get drunk?

As for MIL, well perhaps tell her straight, "if she can't be helpful, just be quiet."

All you can do is keep in your reality, for your own sanity and for your kids sake, as your stbxAH is doing enough 'travel between planets' on his own, and if his visitation rights have to be changed, because of his erratic actions, so be it.

God bless

I just want to say "way to go" for protecting your kids. It doesn't matter what the A or is family thinks about it. You are doing the right thing.

:c011:

L

I agree, :c011:, you are a good mom!

Just wow- kudos to you!
I applaud you!!!

Ah god, this is the worst part of dealing with an A father, the worst. The broken promises and broken hearts of children.

And he's bipolar. My experience wtih those guys is ugly. My unsolicited advice is to stop engaging with him, stop trying to make sense of naything he says, like how you keep moving the goal post.

Also I would work as quickly as possible to strip him of all parental rights. As many as possible. Later, or when you deem it appropriate, you can allow him to be around the kids. I've seen bipolar folks do insane things to and around their kids. INSANE!

I'm sorry you now have to deal with this as well.