I obsessed - now it's gone
 

I obsessed a little about my ex this weekend. I kept looking at his fb to see what he was writing (we're not "friends"). At first it was because I wanted to know if he was ok. When I saw that he was spending his time posting and chatting about YouTube videos, I realized he'd fine, but still drinking. When I saw that he was posting things about he and I, I became very angry. Angry that he was being so cheerful. Angry that he's so cruel to post something about me (it wasn't something mean) and not just respect the fact that I'm hurting and he shouldn't be chatting cheerfully with other people about me (women).

I'm a private person and he knows how I feel about having my business broadcasted to everyone we know. I was so angry. SO ANGRY that he couldn't just leave me out of it. I called my friend ranting about it, cussing and ranting about how mean my xabf is.

Then it was gone. Then I realized how pathetic it is that he doesn't have any close friends anymore. I realized how pathetic it was that he has nothing better to do than post YouTube videos on fb and hope for meaningless comments from almost strangers. I realized how pathetic his alcohol saturated thinking processes are. I realized how pathetic he is. He's an alcoholic. He's choosing to drink and, therefore, choosing not to enjoy life right now. That's sad.

If he needs to spend his days on fb trying to chat with people he hardly knows, I don't care to read it anymore. If he thinks it's ok to post things about me when he's already hurt me so much, I don't need to know anymore. He's just sad and lost and I left because it hurts too much to watch and be a part of.

What does it matter what he says about me on fb? What does it matter what he posts on there at all? It doesn't affect me or my life. My life that I'm living. I'm healing more and more every single day. I've been feeling so much better. It only hurts when I press my face up to the window to look in on him and his horrible life. The door was shut - time to pull the blinds on the window now.

One more step in the right direction.

BRAVVVOOOOO!!!!! KP, you are making AWESOME progress!!

Oh when the devil sits on our shoulder, and talks us into the obsessive behaviors that do nothing to help us! BLAH! I'd like to punch that sucker right in the face when he tries to manipulate me into obsessing over my Xabf.

I did the same thing as you. I checked his email. I went searching for any little tidbit or morsel of our life together. I wanted to read long, drawn out emails that he had written that he missed me and couldn't live without me. All I found was stuff that hurt me, and left me feeling even more empty than if I had never known at all.

I quit him. Cold turkey. I deleted all of his log ons off my computer. Every time I think about checking on him, I remember that its the devil, talking in my ear. You can't feel bad about stuff you don't know about. Besides, I don't need or want to know what he's doing. It keeps me captive, not him.

So good for YOU!!!! :c011:

Great post KP. Great response IamSaved. Needed to read both today. Thanks to you both!

Anger is the best healer...........Keep it up :-)

I stalked my X's house when I was going thru this. He had already relapsed, "cheated" on me, decided to party all the time now, and I would drive by his house ten, twenty times a night waiting to see him come home. I hated it and I think I hated myself each and every time I did it but I was obsessed. Yech. Never going back THERE again.

God, if anger is a healer...

I'm going to be soooooooooo healed.

Hahaha, Mary, looks like there's going to be a lot of healing in my world, too... :)

KP, you're amazing with your clarity on this. I've been there with the "face to the window" thing...and am still there to some extent. I'm getting better but reading your words about "what do I care if...?" really helped. It only feeds resentment to do anything but that, right? And torture ourselves?

Sounds like you're in a really good place with it all. Congrats!

posie

Thanks for the "the life that I'm living" phrase!! and the thread!

Yes its the devil because there's only PAIN in there, pain and resentment, the voice trying for you to know anything or remember him or do whatever that is related to him. Its dead and it hurts but it hurts more to start giving CPR to it.

When bkup was recent I also saw his FB which is open for the public in general and read aaaaaaaaaaall the msgs his new GF wrote... but my pain threshold ended there, I could have read the new GF's FB as well and read what HE wrote to her.. but... I didn't.

At one point I even laughed because most of her comments had spelling mistakes... most of them were about hating it was Monday morning, "party party party" oh so not my world anymore. It felt like reading high school notes.

Then I saw he dedicated her the SAME song he dedicated to ME!! and "I thought I was special" :lmao

It was one from smashing pumpkins - inside your love...

And felt bad for me!! it sucked!
Then I felt about the then new girl. Ignoring he had used the SAME song on the one before her :lmao "thinking she was special" :lmao


I mean you can at least dedicate a DIFFERENT song... ah I never thought I would be laughing about this..



Same planet, different worlds. I LOVE mine now... granted it sucks often, but at least it IS reality and the people in it are REAL. If I want acting I'll go to the theater thanks, with the advantage of not going insane or feeling miserable afterwards.

SR and knowing their modus operandi is very healing. Its like going .. "HAH! YOU and YOUR trash don't fool me anymore. You are not even original.."


PS yes if anger is healing I will be so healed too lol