kia

had to write this down cos i fee1 im sinking fast at the moment dads funera1 is tuesday and we11 after having a go at me two days ago not heard a thing from the A the prob1em is the new guy hes just trying to push things too fast and we11 im sti11 greiving over dad and the A and rea11y fee1 this is going far too quick for me and we11 i ended up saying something 1ast night cou1dnt he1p it cos ha1f of me fee1s this is on the rebound that im not over him yet i sti11 1ove him but i dont want to hurt this guy hes tooo nice and maybe in time we can be what he wants just i rea11y cant right now but how do i te11 him this he has agreed to go s1ow1y but i just dont know what does everyone fee1 is this too soon cos i cant turn off the fee1ings i have for the A need he1p

NewBeginnings1598

Kia, I am sorry that you are going through so much right now. You are in my prayers.

You have a lot going on and I think if this guy is a keeper, he will understand how you feel.

kia

i spoke to him 1ast night and asked them both to give me some space the A said no its now or never and the new guy said of course he wi11 as much as i need te11s a ta1e doesnt it so time i wi11 take to get over this p1us i wi11 get the test done see if hes given me anything wi11 make it easier to deciede if its positive thanks though eh i just need the support right now fee1 im sinking

Pelican

Wow!

Kia, I hope you are able to detach from his selfish attempt at manipulation. This man is clearly stating that his needs come before yours.

You deserve to be treated with respect and love. Now and forever.

kia

i to1d him not gonna be making any decisions now or in the near future and yes so se1fish not once thinking what im going through wou1dnt mind but his ex before me she did it to him and hes never stopped te11ing me but hes trying to do that same thing he even said u come down today and we wi11 trave1 back together for the funera1 he has no shame how on earth cou1d i do that 1eave my fami1y to cope without me and trave1 back on the day of the funera1 need1ess to say i said no and he said your choice so we sha11 finish then and i said ermm we are a1ready so how can we stupid se1fish man that he is sent me two emai1s first was i wont p1ay second fidd1e to your new fancy man second one saying his friend has said hes way out of order doing what hes doing so was a 1itt1e more apo1ogetic but sti11 cou1dnt resist a s1y dig as this guy seems he 1istens when someone e1se te11s him he is but not to me not putting on msn today or tomorrow he can p1ease himse1f what he does im just gonna concentrate on getting me through this and nothing more right now

coffeedrinker

kia,

first, my condolences. although i haven't yet lost a parent, i know that a whole boatload of emotions can come into play. man #1 sounds incredibly selfish and immature. for him to even suggest leaving right away is insensitive right out of the gate.

i think you are wise to put things on hold. can i suggest something that learn2live wrote in a reply recently? she talked about you becoming INdependent before you jump into another relationship. imo, what's important is not whether he's a "rebound" guy. the experts, and people that have gotten emotionally healthy, all say the same thing. you need to finish one relationship, be with yourself for awhile, before you get involved with someone.

i know you didn't ask for advice, but i felt strongly about offering it.

i hope you can spend some quality time with your family at this time. take care

kia

yep i do agree cos its what i been thinking about 1ast few days myse1f and thats been making things worse cos i dont want to hurt him as hes a1ways been there for me have known him for over a year but i did have a chat to him 1ast night about giving me chance to breathe and think and be myse1f for a bit grieve and then make decisions and hes agreed to give me as much space as i need and that whatever i deciede he wi11 be there for me cos it was beginning to panic me a bit the speed he was trying to go but now i know i can step off this roundabout with him and take some time out without any pressure to be honest he never has done knowing1y the other one i go p1ay with himse1f for now i dont care hes shown his true co1ours far as im concerned

JenT1968

((kia)) I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I hope you have good friends to lean on and family to wrap around you.

be gentle with yourself, thinking of you

posiesperson

kia,

Sending you a great big hug, you are dealing with so much...I echo JenT, I hope you have good, positive, loving people to lean on during this really difficult time.

Keep posting,
posie

kia

we just went to see dad he 1ooked peacefu1 but was so shocking im just ree1ing a bit right now thanks for 1etting me write that down cos just had to funera1 tomorrow so that wi11 be another tough one to get through then wi11 be me time trying to recover

TakingCharge999

kia,

(((HUGS)))

Mourning a parent is enough stress. I hope you remember that your dad loved you very very much and I am a believer that life goes on so he is still loving you from above.

I hope you remember one of the best gifts we can give our parents is to choose someone who will share life with us, ups and downs, with love and compassion.

Guy #1 who I believe is the alkie, sounds like a heartless jerk. I hope you go No contact with him (and anyone who is UNABLE to put himself or herself in your shoes).

Well someone nice came along when I was still mourning XABF. It has been a bumpy road. You take as much time as you need. I like Guy #2 better now watch if he is truly waiting and not pushing and supporting you in actions. Any guy worth it would be patient and act as a FRIEND first and foremost, words don't matter as much as actions.

As it is I have been able to build something with this new person and sometimes I wish I was as attracted as I have been before but now I realize it was my disfunction. Nothing beats being able to be yourself, be accepted... and have someone that hugs you if you need to cry, laughs with you.. SHARES life with you... NOT hates his life and wants you to hate yours too and become bitter as well

Sending hugs and support from me and my kitties

You are not alone