Need some prespective
my then-husband threw me a b-day party when i turned 40. i am pretty social, but it took years for me to start becoming the person i think i was born to be. i first lost a lot of weight (i know, just superficial, but it helped with my self-image) and then started joining more things. after the birthday party, i was astounded, amazed and so grateful because so many people came, some of them even brought gifts! it was a turning point in my life and i sat there that evening listening to mellow music and wrote every single attendee a thank you note.
after that i just became more and more confident, realizing that i am a person others want to be around! wow, it was a life-changing realization. i stayed thin and kept coloring my hair. i loved people for who they are, and showed feelings of affection regularly (not past tense; still do). there was a period about three years ago where i dated a 30-year man for a few weeks. another somewhat younger man also asked me out, and a couple of others that i came into contact with in the workplace. i was wondering aloud about this and the reply from someone was that i may have been feeling especially positive about myself, smiling more, being self-assured - this draws people to you! i felt more attractive and that - not in a stuck-up sort of way - i am someone who has something to offer. i felt magnetic and based on those responses, i think maybe i was.
i was 47 years old.
you have nothin to fear honey. we are much younger today than our mothers and g.mothers were at the same age.
peace,
christine
p.s. just have to clarify - didn't sleep with any of them
Quote from Jackie36: (( The biggest thing for me is I am GROWING, and he is stuck in imaturity. I feel bad, guilty, and it is consuming me.))
Stop right there.!!! Let's celebrate...you are growing.
So he is stuck at immature and drinking like a fish....NOT your fault.
So he is not growing.....NOT your fault.
Repeat;
Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault.
You are sober and he is not.
You are in recovery and he is not.
You are learning to live and he is not.
Your choices are yours, and his choices are his.
You are responsible for your choices, your sobriety, your recovery and your growth, and isn't that a lot to be responsible for, without taking on his burdens as well?
Take off your shoes, let him scrub his own floor, when he is ready.
God bless
Stop right there.!!! Let's celebrate...you are growing.
So he is stuck at immature and drinking like a fish....NOT your fault.
So he is not growing.....NOT your fault.
Repeat;
Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault.
You are sober and he is not.
You are in recovery and he is not.
You are learning to live and he is not.
Your choices are yours, and his choices are his.
You are responsible for your choices, your sobriety, your recovery and your growth, and isn't that a lot to be responsible for, without taking on his burdens as well?
Take off your shoes, let him scrub his own floor, when he is ready.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Maplewood, MN
Posts: 121
I am astounded............
By all of your responses. I apologize, my computer is not working at home, so I can only get on when I am at my second job on the weekends until I get it fixed
Well, I had a "partial" conversation last night, and this morning. I did tell him I am having a problem with the amount he drinks, that it is weighing really heavy on me. His response was, I know I drink a LITTLE more than I should. And that if I told you I was going to quit, that would be a lie.
That was the end of it, he blew onto another conversation, and I had to go to work. So this is all going to be coming to a head, now that a piece of it is out.
Well, I had a "partial" conversation last night, and this morning. I did tell him I am having a problem with the amount he drinks, that it is weighing really heavy on me. His response was, I know I drink a LITTLE more than I should. And that if I told you I was going to quit, that would be a lie.
That was the end of it, he blew onto another conversation, and I had to go to work. So this is all going to be coming to a head, now that a piece of it is out.
I think I understand where you're at too, Jackie.
I did the same thing in recovery,
when it came to the part of my 'getting better'
that it was time to tackle WHY did I
marry the same man in four different skins?
And that started the SECOND part of the recovery journey....
I'll give you this:
it's been in this second leg of the journey
that the most healing and repaie has hapened.
I mean, by taking the steps
into myself
dooin the deeper work...
on how I related to others and the world ....
I've received far more than I've given.
I want that for YOU TOO!!!
actually - I want that for everyone!!!
I did the same thing in recovery,
when it came to the part of my 'getting better'
that it was time to tackle WHY did I
marry the same man in four different skins?
And that started the SECOND part of the recovery journey....
I'll give you this:
it's been in this second leg of the journey
that the most healing and repaie has hapened.
I mean, by taking the steps
into myself
dooin the deeper work...
on how I related to others and the world ....
I've received far more than I've given.
I want that for YOU TOO!!!
actually - I want that for everyone!!!
It's like dreaming you broke your arm
and waking up to see
you fell asleep with your arm bent funny.
Undbend it -
and everything's okay.
It's like that when we reach this place in recovery -
where we realize the things that were 'valueable' when we were drinking
only had value
because they reflected us ... as alcoholics.
We wake up get into life and recovery
and those things that are NOT good for our new life
become prominent.
ok I'm shutting up now.....
:wtf2
and waking up to see
you fell asleep with your arm bent funny.
Undbend it -
and everything's okay.
It's like that when we reach this place in recovery -
where we realize the things that were 'valueable' when we were drinking
only had value
because they reflected us ... as alcoholics.
We wake up get into life and recovery
and those things that are NOT good for our new life
become prominent.
ok I'm shutting up now.....
:wtf2
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