Duped

I came to the same conclusion as you and was rewarded with the truth - that mine simply did not care and did not love me. I was only there to support monetarily and do things for her.

Breathe

Sorry, I'm a lurker.. my Ah of 30 years is finishing up a 6 month sentence for drinking while on probation for drinking while on probation, yes the duplication was intentional! Weve struggled with this for 30 years with a dry spell of 18 years while living in another state. I started calling the cops when he continued getting out of control and being verbally abusive. I had hit that boundry after a few years of it, wish I had started way earlier. He has been working hard on his steps while in 'forced rehab', but I know that I can make it with out him, the sentence seemed really harsh at first, but we've, 4 young adult kids, him and I have all agreed that it was for the best, and hopefully third time is the charm. The one thing that has kept me semi-sane is Melodie Beattys' books, I started with the book The Language of Letting Go, it's helped with detachment and living my own life when he's chosen to not be there on holidays, birthdays, when his mom came over for Mothers Day! Sorry, that one just came out! The people on here are awesome, I loved when someone said You don't always get what you want, you get what you need, and that 'no' is a one word sentence. There's wisdom here, take care of yourself.

JenT1968

hey there breathe, would you like to start a thread and introduce yourslef? we'd love to know more about you

you're right the people here are awesome. all of them, you included.

JenT1968

I understand that L2L, and respect your point of view and experience, as always. I have a different one at the moment, that may change, & I'm not suggesting that's right for anyone other than me at this moment. When I had a similar revelation to the OP, I experienced it as liberating, I've no idea why. When I read that this was a "wrong" interpretation, I felt stupid, and by extension I was wrong. my very deep scary, dark confusion was compounded, I was wary of posting. As you said, we can't know anyone's position from a few posts, and I thought it worth putting my alternative view out there too.

sorry kerbearz,

Summerpeach

this line just made me think; should we not cherish ourselves first?!

I want the person in my life to cherish me, respect me and have my back, which sounds lovely, but I should cherish me, respect me and have my own back.
I'm learning now to lower my expectations of others and raise my own expectations.

Thank you for this line, it really just threw some sense into me, and today, I needed some of them "senses"....haha

Learn2Live

JenT, That's the beauty of this forum; there are so many different perspectives that EVERYONE shares that people can benefit from reading.