cerastes

The sister of my wife did an amazing and brave thing, she told my wife's parents the TRUTH about EVERYTHING. Suddenly I have others who can help and we are working on a plan to get her into treatment. Her parents convinced her to go stay with them for a few days, telling her they need her help with something. So now she's out of the house for a few days, there's a plan in effect, I'll be able to work and sleep ... but completely unexpected feelings have hit me as hard as any before. I think with her away it's just now hitting me what I'm about to do and the possible consequences. She's only been gone a day and it's amazing to me how emotionally frail I seem to have become. I feel like I'm just complaining all the time, just crying all the time. I have lost all of my friends from avoiding them this last year and obviously lying to keep out of social situations where she could be a problem, all for nothing it ends up. I don't even know what I'm feeling I guess. I think I'm just scared and exhausted. I should probably just delete this, but what the hell.

barb dwyer

NO! Don't delete!

This is what SR is FOR!!!!

You aren't alone -
I'm sure someone said that to you when you first came here
and we mean it!

Vent ... do your venting and whining here -
where it won't hurt anything.

It's hopefully heading into a time of change for you
that can be a WONDERFUL thing.

I know it's so dark right now ...
I know it is.
But we always have hope.

MissFixit

The sister of my wife did an amazing and brave thing, she told my wife's parents the TRUTH about EVERYTHING. Suddenly I have others who can help and we are working on a plan to get her into treatment.
This is a relief, at least it would be to me, but remember that she is sick and even with others involved, she still needs to be the one to want to get help. I got crushed thinking that others involved would help.


She's only been gone a day and it's amazing to me how emotionally frail I seem to have become. I feel like I'm just complaining all the time, just crying all the time. I have lost all of my friends from avoiding them this last year and obviously lying to keep out of social situations where she could be a problem, all for nothing it ends up.


I don't even know what I'm feeling I guess. I think I'm just scared and exhausted. I should probably just delete this, but what the hell.

MissFixit

Okay. My post was submitted without being finished. I tried to edit and it didn't work.

In a nutshell, you might want to get therapy for yourself. I have had the same feelings and it was depression and grief. Counseling helps to put things into prespective.

Also, while it is great that others are involved in your wife's journey, it is really up to her to get sober. I fooled myself thinking that if others helped me to help my ex that things would improve. They didn't and I was devastated. Try to stay in reality and focus on day to day living.
Hugs

Still Waters

I still have days when I don't know or understand how I'm feeling, or why. Frail is a good word, sometimes I feel like I'll shatter into a million little pieces if I can't get those thoughts to just SHUT UP in my head. But through SR and Al-anon I've learned to deal with the things I can effect or change, and to stop obsessing over those I can't.

jennabe

You post breaks my heart. You are not alone. We are here for you and we understand. Please don't ever feel like you need to delete anything that you write. You write these things for a reason. It is healthy to get it out from inside of you. Perhaps take this opportunity to work on YOU. No matter what happens with her it will always be yourself that is constant in your life. Hopefully she will chose to get help. but even if she doesn't it doesn't mean that you shouldn't.

Duped

Change takes time and so does letting go of the hurt, the pain, the betrayal etc. I'm almost a year in now and still have days like that, but it's gone from obsessive compulsive behaviour, slowly to acceptence, to me actually not thinking about it 24/7 as I have slowly moved on with my life, concentrated on me, my work etc. Concentrating on yourself really works, but it takes time. It helps, in my case, that my feelings towards my ExAGF changed drastically, from love to indifference as I detached.

Learn2Live

Try to breathe deep and keep forcing your thoughts back to the present moment. Please go to al-anon meeting.