Need help... and advice... my son is in a bad place

Old 03-05-2010, 08:19 AM
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If I'm to be honest here, the kid has problems and I am just now beginning to accept it.
And that is a big thing. Acceptance of the problem. Denial stops here, and now, when he asks, you will be better able to help.
Wow, it sucks doesn't it?
(I have two addicted children, one is 28 and had to go to prison the get his life back and my 17 year old daughter is in a juvenile drug court, but keeps making bad choices.)
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Old 03-05-2010, 09:06 AM
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Klm, have you talked to him about counseling? If he's just starting a pattern, maybe a counselor can teach him coping skills so he can learn a healthy pattern instead of a destructive one in times of emotional crisis. It sounds like you're taking the right steps for yourself, and he's close to you, so if you're in counseling and mention it in your conversations, he might just get the hint.

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Hugs.
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Old 03-05-2010, 06:42 PM
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I called to start counseling today, I'm lucky that my company has a good EAP program... that was the most I could do. Since we are on opposite coasts, going with my son isn't feasible right now. I did do some research online into rehab centers in his area, just in case. Maybe my counselor will have some ideas.

It was all I could do to get through the day. I cried in the car most of the way home.

I also broke down and called my xab... it was good to talk to him. It was comforting to talk to someone who knows the situation. Who also knows what it's like to be an addict. Trust me, I'm under no illusions as to our situation. I was just reaching out to a familiar thing, like an addict getting a fix. It made me feel better, but also made me feel weak and like I just took a step back. I have to say, it was good that he was there for me this time... but I know there is no guarantee for the next time. I suppose I'll just file this under "one day at a time" and accept it for what it is.

I'm home now and glad that I made it through the day with a modicum of dignity and grace.
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Old 03-05-2010, 08:43 PM
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awwww, ******{klm}}}}

I'm so glad to see you're going to surround yourself with people who have wisdom and will have GOOD advice for you in the coming months.

In 3-d, I mean.

OF COURSE we've got all that here.... *g*
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:16 AM
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KLM- You sound like a very caring father. I dont have any kids and I am not married so I dont know exactly what you are feeling but I do sympathize. However, my parents did do an intervention with some family and friends. It took me by surprise because I specifically told my mom that I was going through some things and I just wanted to be alone and take a little vacation. All I meant by that was that if I didnt call for the week, I didnt want them to panic and know that I was alright. What ended up happening was the tricked me and all were outside my place including the interventionist. What was going through my mind was anger and shock. I wanted to sort things out on my own. That might have not been the best solution but that was what I was going through.

They sat in my living room with their letters and started to read them to me. I didnt listen because I was angry. Plus, I kicked the random interventionist out of my place. I felt very uncomfortable with him there, especially since this was a private matter. After I refused to go to the rehab, I immediately packed all my things and lived in my car for 7 weeks. Yes, I felt lost in my head and I didnt want to talk to anyone. It just made the situation worse because my parents were now full blown worried about what was going on with me. It eventually took another bad incident to finally accept to go to rehab. I just ran out of excuses for my drunk behaviors.

My advice, as an alcoholic who has been there, is to let your soon make the mistakes and when he is ready to change, you will be right there to help him out and be the father that you are. I hope my experience will give you any new insight as to what your son may be going through. Good Luck.
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Old 03-06-2010, 11:28 PM
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Hi Recovery1983... thank you for your words... it is so incredibly helpful for me to hear the perspective from the other side. I'm actually his mom.. oh, the fun of anonymous internet posting ... but your words really touched my heart. Thank you... sincerely.
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