daisy99

Hi

I have been dating a wonderful man for over a year. He has 17 months sobriety. Lately the time that he has been spending going to meetings (daily), reading his AA books (daily), attending other AA events (once a week), and talking on the phone with people from AA is really starting to bother me. He has no friends except his AA friends.
There have been issues going in on my life which my boyfriend is aware of, and is also aware of my need for support. There are times when I need his help and support, but he as his meetings and AA stuff. A huge part of me expects him to miss these on some occassions because I need him.
I know he needs his groups, and I know its his way to stay healthy. How do I wrap my head around my boyfriend leaving me when I am upset/crying/needing help with something because he needs to go to his AA meeting.
THanks

Oh PS . .my issues are a recent illness that has had a significan impact on my life. Its not something petty. THanks

FindingPeace1

Hey and welcome!

I have a hard time deciding what I think about this situation, too.
Here's what I think.
Regardless of whether it is common for recovering addicts to do what he is doing, you have to decide for you whether it is okay for you.
You have every right to feel your significant other needs to stick by you in times of need and postpone the meetings.
Of course, he may not be able to do that (for whatever reason), but that doesn't make it an illegitimate need.
On the other hand, it is important to have a broad support of friends and/or family to get support from more than one source. That might take some of the pressure off.

Regardless, it sounds like it is a problem for you. If so, what would your rule be (if you were boss of the universe) about how a person should treat their partner? What is and is not respectful/necessary/considerate/mandatory?
Figure that out for you, and allow yourself to ask for what you need. If he can't provide, then you have some decisions to make.

Keep us updated!
w