Struggling Mom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Murray Utah
Posts: 153
Struggling Mom
Not quite sure if I am doing this right so lets see... I have a 19 yr old that I kicked out of my house almost two weeks ago. hardest thing I have ever had to do!! Quick history he admitted himself into a residential treatment center in November 09 and was there for 6 weeks. he was there for pretty much everything from heroin, oxy to huffing carb cleaner.. Once he got out he started an IOP, which he was kicked out of for relapsing from huffing. He did start into another IOP and was doing great!! Within the past month his attitude went from wonderful to awful, we found out he had started up smoking spice.. It's legal mom, it's ok!! About a week after we found out about the spice we found out he relapsed again with oxy (2x) of course it's prob more... Anyways once we found out about this relapse we kicked him out. I still talk to him almost every day, but I am going crazy.. Cant let go!! Want to call him and check on him constantly UGH.. This is awful!! I feel so strong, yet so weak!! I need advice BAD!!!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the Sober Recovery family!
I'm glad you took the time to introduce yourself. I noticed you on the Codependent No More thread. Have you read that book yet? I invite you to join us even if you've read it 6 times! If you haven't read it, most libraries and used book stores will have a copy.
You will find support and information for yourself here. Some of our stories are posted in the permanent (sticky) threads at the top of this forum. Lots of wisdom in those posts!
I think you were very strong in protecting your home and family by removing your son while he is actively using. He knows where to get help with his addiction when he is ready.
What are you doing to take care of yourself today?
Please make yourself at home by posting and reading as much as needed.
I'm glad you took the time to introduce yourself. I noticed you on the Codependent No More thread. Have you read that book yet? I invite you to join us even if you've read it 6 times! If you haven't read it, most libraries and used book stores will have a copy.
You will find support and information for yourself here. Some of our stories are posted in the permanent (sticky) threads at the top of this forum. Lots of wisdom in those posts!
I think you were very strong in protecting your home and family by removing your son while he is actively using. He knows where to get help with his addiction when he is ready.
What are you doing to take care of yourself today?
Please make yourself at home by posting and reading as much as needed.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
have you found a home al-anon group to attend and work the program with?
It helps to make a few alanon friends you can call or meet with to talk.
I've done just what you have and know your anguish.
I learned how to detach when my son would not stay sober after rehab
He found his way until he hit some bottom with the conseq. of his lifestyle.
The last time I stepped in and sent him to round three of inpatient...that time for 1 yr. plus 6 mos. of sober living home. He's now maintained sobriety for two yrs.
Sometimes we must know when to detach, let go, be patient and get busy learning how to do this to bring balance and serenity to our own lives. When we do this we are able to handle the situation by saying and doing the right thing at the right time.
I made changes in my own life that are amazing...al-anon led me to change and a spiritual awakening. I have an amazing relationship with my son now...not just bec. he is sober...but I did work too.
Stay strong...trust that your son will seek change too one day
It helps to make a few alanon friends you can call or meet with to talk.
I've done just what you have and know your anguish.
I learned how to detach when my son would not stay sober after rehab
He found his way until he hit some bottom with the conseq. of his lifestyle.
The last time I stepped in and sent him to round three of inpatient...that time for 1 yr. plus 6 mos. of sober living home. He's now maintained sobriety for two yrs.
Sometimes we must know when to detach, let go, be patient and get busy learning how to do this to bring balance and serenity to our own lives. When we do this we are able to handle the situation by saying and doing the right thing at the right time.
I made changes in my own life that are amazing...al-anon led me to change and a spiritual awakening. I have an amazing relationship with my son now...not just bec. he is sober...but I did work too.
Stay strong...trust that your son will seek change too one day
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Sorry you are struggling but so glad you have done what you know you needed to, i.e. Kicking him out of the house. Are you going to Al-Anon? Do you have other sociall supports? Are you taking care of yourself? Also, do you think you might be able to set yourself an additional small boundary to give yourself some breathing room? like maybe set one day of the week aside when you do not speak with him all day? Because part of the reason we kick them out is so that we dont have to KNOW everything that is going on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Murray Utah
Posts: 153
Hi all, I cant tell you how much better it makes me feel reading everything in here.. I read the 7 truths, which is everything I feel and know about my son. I also started reading the Al-NON book last night.
I have not done much to take care of myself, which has taken a toll, but I need to start. My goal today is to not call or text him.. One day at a time or one hour at a time for me today.
I have not done much to take care of myself, which has taken a toll, but I need to start. My goal today is to not call or text him.. One day at a time or one hour at a time for me today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
My goal today is to not call or text him.. One day at a time or one hour at a time for me today.
Hi enodm!
Welcome - it's great you have set a goal for the day. Little plans also helped me get through the first few months when I was "de-toxing" from my A-brothers. I always tried to have a little plan for the day, and then I just followed my plan, and detaching became easier bit by bit. I know that it is so hard for parents, it goes against all that we are - we are programmed to help the offspring survive, and addiction is a threat to their very survival!!
But AlAnon helped me see how addiction is different from other life-threatening situations in that my "help" could actually be another nail in the coffin, and I did not want a hand in that.
I had so much to learn and was in so much pain when I finally got into AlAnon and just followed directions. Turned my head around and, by working the program, I have found peace of mind.
Glad you're here- you are not alone.
peace-
b
Hi enodm!
Welcome - it's great you have set a goal for the day. Little plans also helped me get through the first few months when I was "de-toxing" from my A-brothers. I always tried to have a little plan for the day, and then I just followed my plan, and detaching became easier bit by bit. I know that it is so hard for parents, it goes against all that we are - we are programmed to help the offspring survive, and addiction is a threat to their very survival!!
But AlAnon helped me see how addiction is different from other life-threatening situations in that my "help" could actually be another nail in the coffin, and I did not want a hand in that.
I had so much to learn and was in so much pain when I finally got into AlAnon and just followed directions. Turned my head around and, by working the program, I have found peace of mind.
Glad you're here- you are not alone.
peace-
b
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