Am I being unreasonable?
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Everyone is guilty of gaslighting in some form, it's when it becomes a form of constant manipulation, that''s when it's considered abuse.
Most forms of gas lighting are unintentional, none the less is abusive.
If it is intentional, it's ususally done by a sociopathic mind.
Most forms of gas lighting are unintentional, none the less is abusive.
If it is intentional, it's ususally done by a sociopathic mind.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Posts: 6,278
I, too spent a lot of time and energy trying to label him. Was he an alcoholic, or just a problem drinker? Was he a sociopath? Was it gaslighting, or just plain lying? Was he intentionally verbally abusive, or could he just not help himself?
What I finally came to understand is that none of it really mattered. His behavior was unacceptable. Didn't matter what the cause was, or what label I put on it. I was doing enormous amounts of research trying to figure him out.
When I turned that focus and energy on figuring ME out, then I started to make some progress.
L
What I finally came to understand is that none of it really mattered. His behavior was unacceptable. Didn't matter what the cause was, or what label I put on it. I was doing enormous amounts of research trying to figure him out.
When I turned that focus and energy on figuring ME out, then I started to make some progress.
L
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa 
I, too spent a lot of time and energy trying to label him. Was he an alcoholic, or just a problem drinker? Was he a sociopath? Was it gaslighting, or just plain lying? Was he intentionally verbally abusive, or could he just not help himself?
What I finally came to understand is that none of it really mattered. His behavior was unacceptable. Didn't matter what the cause was, or what label I put on it. I was doing enormous amounts of research trying to figure him out.
When I turned that focus and energy on figuring ME out, then I started to make some progress.
L
What I finally came to understand is that none of it really mattered. His behavior was unacceptable. Didn't matter what the cause was, or what label I put on it. I was doing enormous amounts of research trying to figure him out.
When I turned that focus and energy on figuring ME out, then I started to make some progress.
L
In my group therapy, we learn that learning who the person or people we pick are, helps us better usnderstand who we are.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Undoubtedly, I need to stop analyzing him.
Nonetheless, this article BLEW ME AWAY.
There were many things I recognized.
I guess I just don't want to admit to myself that our relationship could be so jacked up.
I guess I still have a little voice that says, "It was you bringing it up that made all this rise to the surface! If you would have just let sleeping dogs lie, it would have been the good way it was. It wasn't that much to leave alone, was it? If you just let it be..."
But now I feel I opened Pandora's box and the darn lid can't close anymore...
Nonetheless, this article BLEW ME AWAY.
There were many things I recognized.
I guess I just don't want to admit to myself that our relationship could be so jacked up.
I guess I still have a little voice that says, "It was you bringing it up that made all this rise to the surface! If you would have just let sleeping dogs lie, it would have been the good way it was. It wasn't that much to leave alone, was it? If you just let it be..."
But now I feel I opened Pandora's box and the darn lid can't close anymore...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Gaslighting....it's really, really common in people who are in denial, how could it not be? The denial in my ex has spread to her entire life. She literally lives in her own private reality, so gaslighting is a natural extension of this, otherwise her reality would crumble. It's like Alice in Wonderland it's so messed up. Even just talking to her for a half an hour on the phone.....it's like entering the twilight zone.
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