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Struggling w/ grounding myself in reality and forgetting the fantasy...

Old 03-02-2010, 05:18 PM
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Struggling w/ grounding myself in reality and forgetting the fantasy...

If you have read any of my previous posts, then you know my AH is extremely verbally abusive and very unkind to me. I am really struggling with hanging on to reality now that we are seperated. Granted I know how miserable I was while he was here, and how much happier I am now that we are not living together, but I guess there is that part of me that really wishes it could be different. I allow him to come and spend time with our daughter whenever, and this does not bother me because he seems to be able to be cordial, and these moments remind me why we don't work. I just wish I didn't feel this nagging, guilty feeling about us being seperated all the time....I wish I could just be steadfast in knowing that without some incredible work on his part...this marriage just isn't going to work. In my head, I know that these are truths, but in my heart......for my children....it all just makes me very sad!! I have been spending a lot of time working on me....and that is really helping, being who I want to be, who I know I am.....but I really need to move past these feelings.
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Old 03-02-2010, 05:58 PM
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I can relate.

For me, this pain started to end when I focused those powerful wishes instead on envisioning the kind of life I've always wanted. And making it happen.

I no longer weep and crawl on the floor because my AH doesn't love me. Don't even think about it.
I don't spend an extra moment out of the day trying to figure him or our "relationship" out.
I started my own newspaper.
I let the people who love me do so.
I'm taking that energy I use to waste by obsessing about AH and forging out the kind of life I've always dreamed of.
I"m learning to love being alone.
I'm focusing on my kids, on helping them heal from our dysfunctional family.

Magic does exist. And it starts with where you choose to direct your thoughts.
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Old 03-02-2010, 06:10 PM
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I read on a post somewhere that in order to heal we have to feel the pain....or something similar. Thats what you are doing my friend, feeling the pain so you can heal and move on.

This journey sure isn't easy...and you don't get over a marriage overnight. Keep posting, keep reading, keep going day by day moment by moment. In time from what I have learnt it will get easier.

There are many wise people here on this forum who have been exactly where you are today (I am not there yet but I am working on it) and I have read so many stories of hope from those ahead of me on the path. Look after yourself.....feelings and emotions are all part of the journey too.

Some days I feel great - I have made my plan I know where I am at, I am totally comfortable with myself. Then the next day I wake up and I wonder how I am going to get through the day! I start second guessing myself.....thoughts like Oh AHs drinking isn't that bad (WT??), it doesn't effect me that much (WT even more??), maybe we can sort this out, maybe we can live together and be ok ....and then I play the tape all the way through and realise that he isn't there for me physically or emotionally, hasn't been for years and the drinking comes first and foremost every night! Then I have my answer and I get back to my plan.........it sucks! and it sure isn't easy. But I see alot of hope from my SR friends, so keep reading and I hope you find it too at this difficult time.

Keep us posted we really do care......Take care Phiz
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Old 03-02-2010, 06:15 PM
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yes, just keep up the positive self-talk. i think it helps immensely.

you will get past this, just as many, many others have before you.


<-------- you in a year from now
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Old 03-02-2010, 08:02 PM
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I can relate MentallyEx and I am with you. I agree with every word of Transform.

What is the alternative ? I sure do not want to invite further misery into my life. And to get over my "drug of choice" I have to feel my pain and work with it to heal!

We can and will do this.
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Old 03-03-2010, 02:33 AM
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MentallyEx, you are in a hard place, and feelings of guilt are an extra burden on you.
Know that you are apart because of HIS drinking behavior and the verbal abuse HE put you thru.

The answer you get when you play that tape thru to the end is the truth for you, it is brutally honest and causes a lot of pain for you, but it cannot be erased, much as you would love it to be.

Keep planting those feet, one step in front of the other even if you have to drag each one sometimes. It will get easier, but it can be a lonely and miserable trudge for a while.

God bless
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