nodaybut2day

posie...you can strive for NC and if it happens that you call your A, don't beat yourself up about it! All this is about learning about yourself. It's not some exam you need to get 60% on to pass...it's all learning.

If you do end up calling, take some time to examine what happened:
How do you feel after the call?
What happened during the call?
Do you see a pattern repeating itself?

Similarly, if you don't call, examine yourself and your reactions.

Also, if you know you will be tempted, why not help yourself by planning out some activities that will keep your mind busy, such as going out on a date with *yourself* to ...that store someplace that you saw and thought you should go check out...or to see that movie no one wanted to see with you...or to that yoga/pilates/pottery/cooking class you've been thinking about. Make the month of NC a month of adventure. It doesn't have to be all suffering.

And if you call. Then you call. No biggie. The world won't end. You'll learn something anyhow.

This may be the hardest thing you've ever done, but I dare say that you'll also come out of this a changed person...how interesting is that!

posiesperson

Oh yes, self-care! That damned elusive self-care. Yes noday, making it a month of adventure...that's what the therapist said, too. Said not to waste the time being angry and reviewing everything that's happened, but instead really rest and take care of myself since I kept saying how tired I am...tired of fighting, of defining boundaries and fighting like hell to maintain them, etc. The time for me is now, to rest, to get to know and respect myself. Thank you for that reminder--I need it a lot! And anvil, I laughed out loud about the mallet duct-taped to the phone! OMG, that is SO funny, but only because I can totally see/feel/understand that! I will smile the next time the phone sits there just WAITING for me to use it to call A, so thank you for that moment of levity and charm.

I just got back from Alanon and had a great meeting. I shared what's happening, mostly to "keep myself honest". I want those people to know what's happening in my life, to hold the space in person twice a week while I move through this process. And I got a few more phone numbers for support, so that I can dial an Alanon friend and schedule a cup of coffee with them instead of the A when the going gets rough.

Right now I'm okay. Shockingly, I'm really okay! I didn't expect to be...isn't that interesting. I know there will be waves of feeling, but those gut-wrenching crying jags really seem to help, too. I continue to be open to insights/suggestions/support, so please keep it coming--I can't say how valuable this has all been to me.

Thank you, thank you...
pp