Learn2Live

Heck yeah wife! Because this IS life, ya' know? No matter how bad my WORST day, I am grateful for THAT ONE ADDITIONAL DAY of opportunity from my higher power to try out this thing called LIFE. Life is too short and no matter how much WE think we suffer, there are ALWAYS millions of other people who are suffering worse than we are and less capable of doing anything about it.

Still Waters

We do what we have to do with the tools available. No shame in that.

Stay strong.

isurvived

Tough spot to be in. I wish for you safety and peace.

The times I've felt "backed into a corner", I've stood still and listened for my HP. Many, many times over the past several years, He has shown me an opening.

Buffalo66

Thanks to all for responding.
I cannot tell you how much it means that you are all here. I cannot always make the weekly alanon meetings here, but there is always time to reflect and exchange here at SR

Tomorrow he(A) moves in. He is so excited. Wants to prove to me that he can do great, and wants to show me that he will be happy to abide by any and all rules or guidelines.He will drink, He will hit his wall. I ask him repeatedly to remember that I would rather he just say he is hitting a wall and take an hour to go out,than to start a fight in order to justify leaving. Just communicate.

I also keep saying it is a trial period, and we will have to see how things go: if it is too difficult he will have to find a different arrangement, and I will figure the money out alone.

Just a secret to share with all of you:

I had a long talk with my older gentleman friend, who wanted to give me money.

I was painfully honest about my concern in regard to taking any money from him, also discussed that even with a loan in that amount($800), I would still be in a hole, and this really was the only way i could figure out after MUCH painstaking consideration...

He reassured me that I had no need to feel nervous about any advances from him, and he then offered me a job cleaning out an unoccupied house that he owns to prepare it for selling. It is not livable, but is full of art, etc. He said I could do the job at my leisure,sell items for a cut... and he would pay me $10/hr, and he wanted me to take an advance of $500. He gave it to me in cash under the condition that I would stash it, so that if things go bad, I never feel like I have nothing. If I have to flee with our son, or throw him out and pay the rent, it is a lot easier to come up with $200, than $700.

I took it, I did stash it, and I do have a sense of relief knowing that it is there.

It feels strange to ask for help from the universe, and to have it come in convoluted or from strange avenues, but, I actually feel so blessed right now. I know I can complete this work for him, and I know he is actually only concerned for my mental and emotional welfare and our safety.

I feel OK with this, and I feel supported in the moment. I will keep you posted. Thanks and love to you all

Buffalo66

Anvilhead, Thanks for your post. I am trying hard to work on framing myself out of the mindsets that victimize me. You are right: If I choose it, let it be so, and stand my ground. I can be strong inside of this dynamic, (lord knows I have already been for years.)
I do have more tools now.

Transform, thanks for the words on parenting. I try to put that job above all other things in my life. Myself included. I am proud of him. He is my best work.

Thanks everyone, battery is dying

transformyself

I LOVE this! Thank you for sharing it.

Learn2Live

I learned a great deal about acceptance living with an actively-using alcoholic/addict who I truly cared about and loved as a friend. When you said...

...it rather touched my heart because it reminds me of the two years I spent watching and trying to help my friend. They were difficult times, yes, and I gave up some peace and serenity, but I was able to remain emotionally detached for the most part (a feat in and of itself). This experience taught me SO MUCH about myself and what I am CAPABLE of (when he would lapse and relapse and go on binges and then come back). Watching this person who I truly loved and cared for as a human being (but from whom I had little expectations and was romantically uninvolved) TRY to get and stay sober, helped me in my own Recovery. I could CLEARLY see the addictive thinking, the Denial in him and his family of origin, the rationalizing, the blaming, the attempts at manipulation, the lies they tell themselves, the lies they LIVE. It really was a win-win situation, even though he did not "permanently" stay sober or clean, because he did GET clean for a time and was able to see things clearly during those periods, and because I got to practice out my patience, understanding, boundary-communicating, etc. Plus, because I truly cared about him unselfishly, I was given the opportunity to be mature in situations where I otherwise may not have been inclined.

Perhaps your Recovery will also benefit from this arrangement.

P.S. When someone tries to start an argument with you, you do not have to take the bait. Silence is acceptable and often advisable. Remember, you are HALF the equation.