KeepPedaling

So, he lied to me, he hurt me in so many ways, he tried to manipulate me, and he took advantage of me financially whenever he could. So how is it that he thinks HE'S the one that people should feel sorry for? WTF? WTFFFFFFFFF?

He's going around being all OH WOE IS ME LIFE IS SO HARD, I FEEL SO ALOOOOOOOOONE!!!! That's how they do it, isn't it? Oh-poor-innocent-pathetic me is just the worm on the hook for a future HELPER fish to take advantage of.

I'm so irritated right now. I feel like such an effin dumb a$$ and so effin annoyed with him for be so FRICKING LAME a human being!!!


Yep, yep, still in the anger stage.

I don't want to go back to that AT ALL anymore. I'm so annoyed that I was so stupid! What the hell was that about? It's so obvious to me now. I wasn't important to him at all! What I could DO for him was what he valued. Seriously, HE EVEN SAID IT WHEN WE FIRST STARTED HANGING OUT!!! "You'll be able to help me out so much!" HELLOOOOOOO! RED FLAG DUMB A$$!!!

Stupid.

It's not so fun when the blinders come off.

LaTeeDa

Well now, isn't that kinda like taking a calculus class and then beating yourself up for being so stupid for not knowing calculus before?

Life is never easy, or painless. It's all about learning. It's one big lifelong classroom. When the blinders come off, that means you GOT IT. You passed. You learned the lesson. Fun? Maybe not. But empowering? Oh yeah!

L

KeepPedaling

Oh thank GOD LaTee! I got it! I got it! I don't ever have to take that class again! YOU'RE RIGHT! NEVER NEVER AGAIN!!! I PASSED!

I feel empowered now, still angry, but empowered. Or wait, maybe I'm just powerfully angry.

ChildrenB4AW

It's always plain as day once you figure it out, but it is brutal as you want to kick yourself for being so naive and trusting. The A takes advantage of our trusting nature and our willingess to help. They just want to use - use us and alcohol. I am divorcing my AH after she continued to drive drunk with our 4 little girls. This is after she had a car accident with the girls (bac of 0.33), and then stayed sober for 12 months before she came home. Her family (All A's or codep) doesn't know why I'm not giving her another chance, her friends call and say that I worked too much, and how could I put the mother of our 4 children out on the street? When I go to a school event the icy stares are all around. That's what the A does - lies, manipulates and tries to solicit sympathy for their pity party. I have compassion for my wife, because her life is so sad. It must be exhausting keeping up with all the lies, and keeping the happy face on. Although she couldn't stay sober for our children, she is stone cold sober as we enter the custody battle. I've had sole custody for two years, but she's filed a reponse that I forgave her actions because I let her come home, so my custody should be vacated.

An active A's actions only revovle around themselves and it's hard to actually come to grips with that - how can someone really be that self centered? I think it takes a while to truly comprehend how deep, and vicious this disease is.

You'll move from anger to compassion in time.

KeepPedaling

Thanks C. I hope the anger goes away soon. It's an ugly emotion.

It must have been really hard to leave your wife with all of the pressure and guilt you were getting from everyone else. What a great dad you are to be so brave for your kids.

freefalling

Anger was an important part of my grieving/healing process. Anger turned inwards brings on depression. Had to get furiously mad at him to start the process of my recovery. It passed.

Now I just dont care quite frankly. Not meant in a "getting back at him "way , but my sanity is more important to me than his self destruction.

All the years that I did not get angry I was emotionally beaten into pulp.

The anger shall pass too!

Hugs

Gold

Your lovly sense of humour is shining thru.

Duped

Oh yeah they hook you in with their routine, you help them beyond what any reasonable person should....money....support....love....understandin g....you give them your all......then, one day, you come between them and the precious booze, and you go from being their everything to the biggest piece of crap in the world. They go from loving you to hating you. Everything you ever did for them is conveniently forgotten, and if you ever bring it up you are 'holding it over their head'. You literally go from hero to villain.

Pelican

This is his terminal uniqueness. "My life situation is so difficult."
"Alcohol is my only real friend in times of trouble. "
"If you had my problems, you'd get drunk too."
"If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. "
Right?

Forgive yourself!
You were doing the best you knew how with the tools you had at the time. Now you are seeing alcoholism with your blinders off. Congratulations friend! You are recovering!

coffeedrinker

that "woe is me" thing seems to be universal. it's actually the biggest sign that my addict is in relapse mode.

please don't beat yourself up. that quality in you - the compassion, caring nature, helper - that attracted him and got you an a for a bf, is also the qualities that make you a beautiful person.

FindingPeace1

This makes me think about something I read yesterday:

Goodbye; Graduation

Often when I talk to people about "holding on" and "letting go" I experience their resistance. What variety! (And, yes, I experience my own resistance, my own brand of struggle, which helps me to speak with greater authority on the subject.) In certain situations in our culture we celebrate goodbyes or endings well.

Graduations are endings we tend to do well. Graduations are also recognized as beginnings. Yet, so too, are all endings! That is the point. When we say goodbye to something that we no longer want or need or when we say goodbye to someone who is ready to leave, a space opens for something or someone else. This is a process, not a linear sequential set of cause and effect steps. However, if you find it easier to perceive this process as linear, do so.

So, are you ready to graduate from the School of Struggle? If you choose to stay longer, you'll continue to learn. That is guaranteed. Keep in mind, though, that you're likely to learn and re-learn and re-learn again the same lessons. Other schools await your enrollment. The School of Joy. The School of Peace. The School of Abundance. The School of Love. The School of Health. The School of Laughter. The School of Enlightenment. The School of Mastery.

Entrance exams are simple: Give up struggle for freedom, fear for love, illness for health, pain for joy, hopelessness for mastery, etc. Say goodbye to those experiences you've completed or to those persons whose relationships with you have ended. You won't be able to stay in The School of Joy if you hold onto struggle — you'll be expelled or asked to take a leave of absence. Merely enrolling in The School of Love is not enough, you must practice unconditional love and not cut classes. You can stay in these schools even though you occasionally fail an exam or re-visit your old school. The principals/principles of these schools are infallible; the teachers, exacting and loving.

Goodbye Party

Joyous goodbyes often prompt you or your friends to give a party, a celebration. On New Year's Eve, you say "goodbye" to the old year and "hello" to the new one. For school graduations, you celebrate the ending of education in one institution and recognize the rite of passage to another institution or the military or the "real world." For retirements, sometimes accompanied by a gold watch, you honor an individual's workplace contributions and help to welcome the retirement years.

So, why not create a Goodbye Party for Struggle? You may prefer to have a Hello Freedom Party, instead. However, if you need to say goodbye or thank something or someone who has been with you, focusing on the goodbye or graduation party will be useful. You won't be successful claiming that all is well or life is good while fierce anger or pain or unresolved issues are stuck inside you. Let the unwanted stuff go.

If struggle has been your friend, give a going away party or a hello freedom party to celebrate the release of this energy. Thank struggle for being a teacher. Make the party your unique event: buy balloons or not. Celebrate your party alone or with friends. Let an object represent the struggle and release the object to the trash or a fire or the great outdoors. Use rituals that have meaning for you. Welcome in the new opportunity.

Goodbye, Struggle, goodbye.
Ending Struggle: Say Goodbye to Struggle

KeepPedaling

That's a good one Wife! Thanks!

CAPTAINZING2000

By using the same charm to win you over to begin with. I've heard, alcoholics are some of the best actors. The people that don't see Mr. Hyde and only Dr. Jekyll believe us. You don't get to really know someone until, you're living with them or, in a long relationship. Think about it, if your alcoholic behaved when, you first met him like he does now would you have went on on a second and third date.

Jadmack25

Originally Posted by KeepPedaling
He's going around being all OH WOE IS ME LIFE IS SO HARD, I FEEL SO ALOOOOONE!!!!



Who needs a moaning, whinging black hole of misery anyway?

NOT any of US.

God bless

MLady9999

Alcoholics are master manipulators.....My ex AH used to take the focus off of himself and his problem by making it all my fault and pointing out that the only reason he drinks is because of me.

Imagine that!