feeling....nothing.....
 

for the first time, i can look at my ah and i feel nothing! i am not sure if this ias a bad or good thing, but he let me down incredibly last night, and the anger in his messages and the way he spoke to me made me realize that i just no feelings toward this man - not love, not hate, not anger anymore...just nothing. i feel sorry for him for who he is and the way he behaves, but other than that there in just this empty feeling where there once was more. he was probably drunk, though he says he wasn't and i had to go the hospital once again. so beginning at 10pm i called and called - nothing. he only sleeps that early after drinking. at 1:40 am he calls me cell ranting about how i am out of line, and ridiculous, and......blah, blah, blah...and leaves 2 more horrible messages. i was with a nurse he called...then he hung up on me a few times, and well......lets just say there is nothing left. how could he possibly be treating me like this right now? when i'm stuck here in the hospital....that is not a husband, or even a friend.....so now.....this feeling nothing - i think is a good thing.

I'm so sorry M for all that you are going through.

I have to ask the obvious however....How much longer are you planning to continue living as husband and wife? I don't see any chance of his behavior and treatment of you changing once your baby is born. Isn't this how he always treats you, with contempt?

Wishing you well. Isn't there ANYONE (family, friends) that you can call when you need help and/or need to go to a hospital? Your *husband*can not be trusted or counted on in any way, shape or form and he has proved that time and time again. He's a loose canon. I sooo hope you will come to terms with this fact very soon hun and move forward.

Yes, I remember coming to this point too so many years ago. It made me a little sad to realize that I no longer had any feelings for the man anymore. It took a little while to sink in fully, and then I did the only thing I could do. I went on with my life. And you know what? I have NEVER regretted doing so. I hope you are able to get on with YOUR life soon too. It is a wonderful thing.

Thanks for sharing! :ring

thank you for your thoughts.....gerryp-my family did help me last night, thank goodness, and maybe i am slow learner....lol....but i think that i am slowly coming to the realization that it is over, and you are right he has treated me like this for a very very long time.

I read somwhere that the opposite of love is not hate , it is apathy.

its an amazing feeling though isn't it? looking at this person and thinking "Meh, whatever!"

You know mentallyexh. The fear of ending a relationship is no where near as bad as the reality. The energy it takes to hold it all togther and cope with a bad relationship is so consuming when you do leave you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner. So much freedom and peace ahead of you.

(((Mentallyexh))):grouphug:

Sending you many hugs. I don't know if this marriage is over, because I see nothing in it that I class as marriage to start with. Abuse, anger, non-support, drunkeness, and now your feelings of apathy are not the building blocks for marriage.

You have another precious life to consider, your baby....and this is not the life or atmosphere you want them to come into,...heck you don't want it for you.

Maybe it is the time to start making determined plans for getting out and away from your Mr Toxic before your child is part of this nasty existence.

God bless