My wife drinks too much, and I have no idea where to start.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by coffeedrinker 
have you discussed rehab with her? if she is recognizing, and is sober, maybe strike while the iron is hot.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
The behavior you described is criminal regardless of what may be causing it, with or without alcohol. I would get local authorities involved to protec not only innocents people, but to protect the alcoholic also
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 19
I am new to this and thought I was the only one going thru it until I stumbled across this website and began reading what you ~ cerastes ~ is/was going through. I really would like to know how you are doing now and what you have done to solve this problem. Did you eventually leave or did you stay? Did she change?
I can really relate to what you have or are still going through because I am going through the very same situation now (actually a little over 2 years now) and I am to the point to where I don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired of waking up every morning ~ thinking to myself as I get ready for work ~ I know what kind of day this will be.
My girlfriend drinks every 2-3 days. I am not even sure is she is considered an alcoholic because she drinks every other day or 3rd day. For example ~ if she drinks saturday night ~ it is a guarantee that she will drink monday or tuesday night ~ then thursday or friday ~ and so forth. SHE CANNOT GO NO MORE THAN 3 DAYS WITHOUT DRINKING!!! When she drinks ~ she is the most evil person on the face of this earth. She fights with me and says things to me that just kill me anymore. I am to the point to where I would rather take a beating than to hear her say some of the evilness that comes out of her mouth. I strongly believe that VERBAL ABUSE is far more worse than PHYSICAL ABUSE because at least with PHYSICAL ABUSE ~ the bruises eventually go away -right??? ~ words will always remain in the back of one's mind. As they do with me. And when she drinks ~ she will do it until what alcohol in the house is gone ~ or she passes out. I have told her many times ~ "You drink like this is going to be the last day of your life ~ like You will not get ANOTHER ONE!" I only make her more angry then ~ and all I do when I do say that to her ~ is fuel the fire. It's like I am asking for it but not realizing it until it's too late.
When we have people over ~ it is like a competition with her. She will suck down her drinks like you would not believe in fear that she will not get another one. That may not be the case but it is what I see. She can suck down a bottle of beer in under 7 minutes and a glass of rum and coke in less than 5 or 8 ~ depending on the size of the glass. I sit back and watch this happen ~ and I can't believe what I see at times. All I know now is that I AM DONE and I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
Anyways ~ I don't know what to do. After reading what cerastes went through ~ and feeling the same pain ~ what do you do? I can't help her anymore. I can't keep asking her to please stop only knowing that I wasted my breath on something I know will not happen. She will not change. She has said she would cut back but IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! Seems to have gotten worse ~ honestly. I can't live my life like this anymore. My daily thoughts are exhausting me ~ because my first thoughts in the morning are what to expect from her when I get home from work. Like today ~ Monday Sept. 14th ~ she will not drink because she got wasted last night (she started drinking yesturday at 12:25 in the afternoon and didn't stop until almost 11:30 last night) ~ so it will be a good day ~ maybe ~ unless someone triggers her off ~ and then it will end badly.
I can't do this anymore. If I had the funds to leave ~ I would in a heart beat because I don't want to live this way anymore. Am I being selfish??? Am I wrong for feeling this way??? Is there something wrong with me because I am like the way I am now???
I can really relate to what you have or are still going through because I am going through the very same situation now (actually a little over 2 years now) and I am to the point to where I don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired of waking up every morning ~ thinking to myself as I get ready for work ~ I know what kind of day this will be.
My girlfriend drinks every 2-3 days. I am not even sure is she is considered an alcoholic because she drinks every other day or 3rd day. For example ~ if she drinks saturday night ~ it is a guarantee that she will drink monday or tuesday night ~ then thursday or friday ~ and so forth. SHE CANNOT GO NO MORE THAN 3 DAYS WITHOUT DRINKING!!! When she drinks ~ she is the most evil person on the face of this earth. She fights with me and says things to me that just kill me anymore. I am to the point to where I would rather take a beating than to hear her say some of the evilness that comes out of her mouth. I strongly believe that VERBAL ABUSE is far more worse than PHYSICAL ABUSE because at least with PHYSICAL ABUSE ~ the bruises eventually go away -right??? ~ words will always remain in the back of one's mind. As they do with me. And when she drinks ~ she will do it until what alcohol in the house is gone ~ or she passes out. I have told her many times ~ "You drink like this is going to be the last day of your life ~ like You will not get ANOTHER ONE!" I only make her more angry then ~ and all I do when I do say that to her ~ is fuel the fire. It's like I am asking for it but not realizing it until it's too late.
When we have people over ~ it is like a competition with her. She will suck down her drinks like you would not believe in fear that she will not get another one. That may not be the case but it is what I see. She can suck down a bottle of beer in under 7 minutes and a glass of rum and coke in less than 5 or 8 ~ depending on the size of the glass. I sit back and watch this happen ~ and I can't believe what I see at times. All I know now is that I AM DONE and I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
Anyways ~ I don't know what to do. After reading what cerastes went through ~ and feeling the same pain ~ what do you do? I can't help her anymore. I can't keep asking her to please stop only knowing that I wasted my breath on something I know will not happen. She will not change. She has said she would cut back but IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! Seems to have gotten worse ~ honestly. I can't live my life like this anymore. My daily thoughts are exhausting me ~ because my first thoughts in the morning are what to expect from her when I get home from work. Like today ~ Monday Sept. 14th ~ she will not drink because she got wasted last night (she started drinking yesturday at 12:25 in the afternoon and didn't stop until almost 11:30 last night) ~ so it will be a good day ~ maybe ~ unless someone triggers her off ~ and then it will end badly.
I can't do this anymore. If I had the funds to leave ~ I would in a heart beat because I don't want to live this way anymore. Am I being selfish??? Am I wrong for feeling this way??? Is there something wrong with me because I am like the way I am now???
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 19
I forgot to mention that when she does not drink ~ SHE IS THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH!!! She is the woman I fell in love with. And then when the 2nd or 3rd day approaches ~ she is the devil again.
My point is ~ I am confused because I get the woman I fell in love with for a day ~ maybe 2 ~ and then she's gone. I get my hope's up ~ only to have them shot down.
My point is ~ I am confused because I get the woman I fell in love with for a day ~ maybe 2 ~ and then she's gone. I get my hope's up ~ only to have them shot down.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
If I had the funds to leave ~ I would in a heart beat
I will say WELCOME to SR. You have found a great place with lots of good ES&H (experience, strength and hope) from folks who have been where you are, or are where you are now.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care.
Love and hugs,
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by TMVANCE
I can't do this anymore. If I had the funds to leave ~ I would in a heart beat because I don't want to live this way anymore. Am I being selfish??? Am I wrong for feeling this way??? Is there something wrong with me because I am like the way I am now???
You have found a wonderful resource of support and information. You are not alone! We do understand what it is like living with a loved one's active alcoholism.
You are not selfish. Alcoholism is a family dis-ease. It effects everyone close to the active drinker. It is also a progressive dis-ease and gets worse with time.
You are not wrong for feeling frustrated, abused, disrespected and neglected. Those are common feelings for those of us that have lived with the addiction. Our loved one's addiction becomes their god. They will do and say anything to keep their first love (alcohol) in their lives. They have become addicted.
I encourage you to keep reading and posting here as well as attend local Alanon meetings. Both SR and Alanon helped me regain my sanity and serenity. I felt like I was living on a out of control, crazy train. I was losing myself in my loved ones addiction.
One of the first things I learned that still helps me today, are the three C's of addiction:
I did not cause it
I will not control it
I will not cure it
The cause, control and cure belong to the addicted adult.
Here are some steps (posted in a sticky post at the top) that have helped some of us:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
keep reaching out, you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 19
Thank you for the advice. I will check into it but I do not want to remain in South Florida. When I leave her ~ I will be going back to my home state of Ohio. So ~ "Thank You" and I will check into what I can do in regards to that. That will give me something to do on my lunchbreak today.
Well ~ it is Wednesday September 15th, 2010 ~ and I have waken up to the thought of "what time will she start drinking and what will be her booze of choice?" To me ~ it's not fair ~ I am not fully awake yet ~ and my day is already stressful. My other thought is ~ "will she choose today to drink or will she do it tomorrow?" Every 2-3 days is when she does it ~ so will today be the day??? Not real sure yet ~ but I know I am stressed already not knowing what the day will bring. I say this because she is supposed to go talk with a friend today at the local pub in regards to having her photography posted in the deli in which the owner of the pub has just recently opened ~ but will that be all she does? I have a hard time thinking that she can go into that pub and "NOT" have a beer or 2 or more while being there. She has proven me wrong before but since she didn't drink last night ~ will today be the day she does? I won't know til later ~ but my mind and heart says ~ "be on alert."
Yesturday ~ (Tuesday September 14th, 2010) ~ I did get the woman I fell in love with. I came home from work ~ exhausted and she wanted to snuggle and watch a movie. I agreed because it was raining out and the evening was just dreary. She was that woman again ~ but as I laid there ~ I couldn't help but to think ~ I will enjoy this time now because I may not have this tomorrow. Am I selfish for silently thinking that thought? Knowing her as well as I do ~ she would say I am if I approached her about my thought. So I just laid there ~ enjoying the moment at hand. I find that now ~ I can no longer tell her of my feelings because I am so tired of the negative feedback. I am tired of hearing her say things to me and I feel she only does it because she knows it's what I want to hear. I "DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING" ~ anymore.
I get so confused because when I get that woman again ~ who loves me and seems sincere about it ~ I think I have a chance ~ but that chance only last for 1 day ~ maybe 2. I have approached her on many 'sober' occassions about her drinking and getting help to get it under control. She has stated to me that she would like to cut back ~ BUT ~ I have stopped asking her about it because I have realized that when I do talk to her about it ~ that all I have done was fuel the fire for when she does drink. Sometimes it gives her a reason to fight with me ~ if that makes sense. Sometimes I hear about it ~ sometimes I don't. But when I do hear about ~ I realize I have opened the gates of hell.
I don't want to sound like this is all about me ~ because she does say that to me on the days she does drink ~ so mentally I wonder to myself ~ "is she right?" Do I make it sound like I am more concerned about my well-being than hers? I don't think so ~ but she says I do ~ so now I just keep to myself.
Today ~ after work ~ we are supposed to go hiking either at the Everglades or one of the local Nature Centers. Together ~ we both enjoy the outside. We like to go walk on the beach ~ hike ~ camp etc... But am I getting my hopes up on something that may not happen because she is going to be seeing her friend at the pub today? I still do get that way because I have hope. "HOPE" to have another day with the woman who still gives me the 'butterflies' when I have her for a day or 2. But that is another thing ~ I am tired of getting my hopes up on something SHE SUGGESTS on doing ~ but it whinds up me watching her get trashed. It's like watching a bad b movie anymore. I enjoy watching my movies ~ lol ~ but not that kind.
When she gets drunk and wants to fight with me ~ I have gotten to the point to where I would leave the house and go for a walk. Sometimes I will stay out for hours ~ because I do not want to come back to her and her anger. I am sick of fighting and I just don't have it in me anymore. I would walk down to the local church and sit on the bench. Look up to the huge statue of Jesus and cry. For what anymore? I don't know. But Monday night ~ (the 13th) ~ I walked out the door and found myself walking back thru it ~ approaching her and stating ~ "The next time I walk out that door ~ I WILL NOT WALK BACK THRU!" I "HOPE" she took me serious because I am done now.
The 'unknown' ~ is just what it is ~ 'the unknown.' Guess we will see how serious she has taken me. If she didn't ~ she really has a rude awakening coming.
Well ~ it is Wednesday September 15th, 2010 ~ and I have waken up to the thought of "what time will she start drinking and what will be her booze of choice?" To me ~ it's not fair ~ I am not fully awake yet ~ and my day is already stressful. My other thought is ~ "will she choose today to drink or will she do it tomorrow?" Every 2-3 days is when she does it ~ so will today be the day??? Not real sure yet ~ but I know I am stressed already not knowing what the day will bring. I say this because she is supposed to go talk with a friend today at the local pub in regards to having her photography posted in the deli in which the owner of the pub has just recently opened ~ but will that be all she does? I have a hard time thinking that she can go into that pub and "NOT" have a beer or 2 or more while being there. She has proven me wrong before but since she didn't drink last night ~ will today be the day she does? I won't know til later ~ but my mind and heart says ~ "be on alert."
Yesturday ~ (Tuesday September 14th, 2010) ~ I did get the woman I fell in love with. I came home from work ~ exhausted and she wanted to snuggle and watch a movie. I agreed because it was raining out and the evening was just dreary. She was that woman again ~ but as I laid there ~ I couldn't help but to think ~ I will enjoy this time now because I may not have this tomorrow. Am I selfish for silently thinking that thought? Knowing her as well as I do ~ she would say I am if I approached her about my thought. So I just laid there ~ enjoying the moment at hand. I find that now ~ I can no longer tell her of my feelings because I am so tired of the negative feedback. I am tired of hearing her say things to me and I feel she only does it because she knows it's what I want to hear. I "DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING" ~ anymore.
I get so confused because when I get that woman again ~ who loves me and seems sincere about it ~ I think I have a chance ~ but that chance only last for 1 day ~ maybe 2. I have approached her on many 'sober' occassions about her drinking and getting help to get it under control. She has stated to me that she would like to cut back ~ BUT ~ I have stopped asking her about it because I have realized that when I do talk to her about it ~ that all I have done was fuel the fire for when she does drink. Sometimes it gives her a reason to fight with me ~ if that makes sense. Sometimes I hear about it ~ sometimes I don't. But when I do hear about ~ I realize I have opened the gates of hell.
I don't want to sound like this is all about me ~ because she does say that to me on the days she does drink ~ so mentally I wonder to myself ~ "is she right?" Do I make it sound like I am more concerned about my well-being than hers? I don't think so ~ but she says I do ~ so now I just keep to myself.
Today ~ after work ~ we are supposed to go hiking either at the Everglades or one of the local Nature Centers. Together ~ we both enjoy the outside. We like to go walk on the beach ~ hike ~ camp etc... But am I getting my hopes up on something that may not happen because she is going to be seeing her friend at the pub today? I still do get that way because I have hope. "HOPE" to have another day with the woman who still gives me the 'butterflies' when I have her for a day or 2. But that is another thing ~ I am tired of getting my hopes up on something SHE SUGGESTS on doing ~ but it whinds up me watching her get trashed. It's like watching a bad b movie anymore. I enjoy watching my movies ~ lol ~ but not that kind.
When she gets drunk and wants to fight with me ~ I have gotten to the point to where I would leave the house and go for a walk. Sometimes I will stay out for hours ~ because I do not want to come back to her and her anger. I am sick of fighting and I just don't have it in me anymore. I would walk down to the local church and sit on the bench. Look up to the huge statue of Jesus and cry. For what anymore? I don't know. But Monday night ~ (the 13th) ~ I walked out the door and found myself walking back thru it ~ approaching her and stating ~ "The next time I walk out that door ~ I WILL NOT WALK BACK THRU!" I "HOPE" she took me serious because I am done now.
The 'unknown' ~ is just what it is ~ 'the unknown.' Guess we will see how serious she has taken me. If she didn't ~ she really has a rude awakening coming.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Would it be wrong to tape her in her evil state secretly, and then play it to her sober. i think you can record someones voice legally, but not secretly video, tho.
that sounds really codependent, but it might give her a jolt, and something she can think about , as you hopefully hit the road for Ohio (my home state) there are shelters here, and help for people. you have a life that is precious and seems to me that you deserve more than to live your life in fear of Dr. Jekyll.
she has to love herself, before she can really love anyone else. she is killing herself with her drinking, and maybe your leaving will let her face the music that she needs to hear.
my best to you,
chicory
that sounds really codependent, but it might give her a jolt, and something she can think about , as you hopefully hit the road for Ohio (my home state) there are shelters here, and help for people. you have a life that is precious and seems to me that you deserve more than to live your life in fear of Dr. Jekyll.
she has to love herself, before she can really love anyone else. she is killing herself with her drinking, and maybe your leaving will let her face the music that she needs to hear.
my best to you,
chicory
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 19
Well ~ last night (Thursday September 16th, 2010) was the final straw for the both of us I guess. She told me that I was no fun anymore and she thinks it's time for her to move on. How can I argue with that? She chose it ~ she shall have what she wants.
Time to hit the road!
Time to hit the road!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 244
Hi, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I was a cutter and I put myself in an institution. I was only in there for like 3 days then your discharged w/ recommendations. wife has other issues besides alcohol, I know in NJ we have SCIP (Screening Crisis Intervention Program) You should see if you have a similiar program, sometimes social workers will work with you on the bill. And if she hurts herself and u take her to the ER the hospital might commit her. I dont know where you live but I know certain places will hook you up with a social worker in an emergency situation
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 244
Sorry, I read more and you live in S. Florida,
I dont know if this will help
Florida Domestic Violence Resources - An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection
I dont know if this will help
Florida Domestic Violence Resources - An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 19
Thank you for the advice but I will not be remaining in Florida. I am so messed up in my head today ~ that I am not sure of what I am going to do. I never knew true hurt til now. But when I met her ~ I never knew how being in love with someone ~ was so different than just loving someone. I was in love. Now I'm lost and confused. I think the reality of her saying last night ~ that I am not fun anymore that she thinks it's time for her to move on ~ has hit me like a mack truck. The tears slowly flow down my face as I try to concentrate on my work at hand. Not happening today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 19
It is now early Sunday morning (September 19th, 2010) and she got trashed again last night. Why did she do it this time ~ her excuse is depression. She has been saying she is depressed ~ that she feels worthless because she doesn't have a job to help contribute towards the bills ~ blah blah blah. That is the furthest thing from my mind because I have been carrying this house for over a year and a half now and I haven't said a thing to her about how stressed I am over them but I have managed. Just an excuse to drink. She never said anything to me until now. Is her reason for this behavior ~ beccause she knows I will be leaving her soon? Why is this all coming out now?
Anyways ~ she says to me last night while we was standing in the kitchen ~
"Are you mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad at You," I ask.
She then says, "If I was You I would be mad at me. I'm an *******."
In my mind, I was thinking, 'you sure are. Why do you have to be that way? Why act like that?' I left my thoughts in the room with her when I walked away.
After a few minutes, I had returned back into the kitchen to find her still standing there ~ staring down at the floor ~ swaying back and forth. She looked up from the floor and looked at me and said, "do you still love me?" I hestitated with my answer (never really giving her one) but she knew from that hestitation ~ that my love for her has changed. Then came out the question again ~ 'are you mad at me?' At that time ~ I said ~ "I'm not mad at you - I'm tired of being hurt by you. Thursday night when you said to me that I wasn't fun anymore and that You felt it was time for You to move on ~ all I can say to you now is ~ 'have at it because I am done with your drunken outrages.' If she feels that she can find someone out there who is going to put up with her drunken ways and stay with her thru all of her outrages ~ then please don't let me stop her. All I did was fuel the fire again by expressing how I felt to her and guess what ~ I just keep getting burned. You'd think I'd learn my lesson by now? She ask ~ I answer honestly ~ I get burned all the time. How is that even right?
I was told that a person expresses their true feelings when they are drunk? They can say they love you dearly when they are sober but wish you dead and hate your guts when they are trashed. Is that true because if it is ~ I should have left a long time ago.
Anyways ~ she says to me last night while we was standing in the kitchen ~
"Are you mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad at You," I ask.
She then says, "If I was You I would be mad at me. I'm an *******."
In my mind, I was thinking, 'you sure are. Why do you have to be that way? Why act like that?' I left my thoughts in the room with her when I walked away.
After a few minutes, I had returned back into the kitchen to find her still standing there ~ staring down at the floor ~ swaying back and forth. She looked up from the floor and looked at me and said, "do you still love me?" I hestitated with my answer (never really giving her one) but she knew from that hestitation ~ that my love for her has changed. Then came out the question again ~ 'are you mad at me?' At that time ~ I said ~ "I'm not mad at you - I'm tired of being hurt by you. Thursday night when you said to me that I wasn't fun anymore and that You felt it was time for You to move on ~ all I can say to you now is ~ 'have at it because I am done with your drunken outrages.' If she feels that she can find someone out there who is going to put up with her drunken ways and stay with her thru all of her outrages ~ then please don't let me stop her. All I did was fuel the fire again by expressing how I felt to her and guess what ~ I just keep getting burned. You'd think I'd learn my lesson by now? She ask ~ I answer honestly ~ I get burned all the time. How is that even right?
I was told that a person expresses their true feelings when they are drunk? They can say they love you dearly when they are sober but wish you dead and hate your guts when they are trashed. Is that true because if it is ~ I should have left a long time ago.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 19
Forgot to say ~ I will write again about the outcome of today because since she drank last night and today she will recooperate from it ~ I will be somewhat of some worth to her. Will she 'love' me today? Most likely. Will she appreciate the person I am? Most likely. It's a given ~ a routine. I already know how this day will be and it hasn't really began yet. Anyways ~ will I sit around and listen to her crap again? Most likely not. I have to work today and when I get back here ~ (I can't really call it home anymore) ~ I am going to get "SLEEP" because I have had about 11 hours total in the past 4 days. I am exhausted ~ both mentally and physically.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England (UK)
Posts: 163
I find myself saddened by your story and the honesty with which you present what sounds like a truly horrendous situation but it is her decisions that are causing all of this and you are ultimately powerless to save her. She is the only one that can do that.
Alcohol and depression go hand in hand. My life with my AH taught me that an alcoholic will find any reason to drink - the one reason they won't find is a reason not to drink. Blame is a consistant feature in any meaningful conversation you try to have with them, either drunk or sober. None of it is your fault and there is no point trying to make sense of it. I have come to the conclusion that you may as well try and explain to the flu why it is unreasonable of it to cause you to feel unwell as try and explain to an acoholic why their lifestyle is unreasonable. You can't reason or argue with illness but you can protect yourself from its effects.
Please start to look after you.
Alcohol and depression go hand in hand. My life with my AH taught me that an alcoholic will find any reason to drink - the one reason they won't find is a reason not to drink. Blame is a consistant feature in any meaningful conversation you try to have with them, either drunk or sober. None of it is your fault and there is no point trying to make sense of it. I have come to the conclusion that you may as well try and explain to the flu why it is unreasonable of it to cause you to feel unwell as try and explain to an acoholic why their lifestyle is unreasonable. You can't reason or argue with illness but you can protect yourself from its effects.
Please start to look after you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England (UK)
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by TMVANCE
I was told that a person expresses their true feelings when they are drunk? They can say they love you dearly when they are sober but wish you dead and hate your guts when they are trashed. Is that true because if it is ~ I should have left a long time ago.
I also came to conclude that an addict is not capable of loving another person in a way that provides for the emotional needs of the other. They may think they love you but their understanding of love is altered by their addictive state. In the case of my AH I think the word "love" should have been replaced by "need". Not the same thing at all. I have separated from him now - for over a month now and my life is much better though my journey to recovery is still in its infancy.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Originally Posted by TMVANCE
I was told that a person expresses their true feelings when they are drunk? They can say they love you dearly when they are sober but wish you dead and hate your guts when they are trashed. Is that true because if it is ~ I should have left a long time ago.
I don't think that statement has any weigth in active alcoholism.
Aslo, I believe that when we(NA) are enamshed in active alcoholism, we often fail to see that THERE IS NO REASONING WITH AN ACTIVE A, THERE IS NO REASON OR LOGIC IN THIER WORDS OR ACTIONS. Active A is a person who is not in touch with his/her true self, or better to say with who they were before drinking. As that person is gone (temporarely or more often for good). They don't think in logical way. They have no idea why they're saying things they do, or better to say all they are saying and doing is for one reason only: keeping the status quo and not having to deal with thier problem. They will say and do anyting to keep this going. And it is not even personal. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with love.
Honey, she is sick, alcoholism is disease. Horrible one too. All her actions and words are influenced by this disease.
I understand your pain. But it gets easier only if you make it easier, if you work on yourself and if you educate yourself about alcoholims, which teaches you what are you really up against.
Take care
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