jojo

Man, am I confused. AH is drinking again (still?). After 5 big days of sobriety he started again on Sunday and Monday. Things got really ugly on Monday. This gentle man actually shoved me in anger because I took his keys and wouldn't give him any money. He wanted half of everything and he was leaving. Well, he was drunk and I wasn't letting him drive away in the only vehicle that we have and take the chance that he would kill someone. He called about a zillion people to tell them how badly I treat him and unfortunately, for him, everyone told him he was wrong.

He has now been drinking for two days. I hid all the keys but he found one and took off this morning before I woke up. Spent the morning drinking and arrived home safely, thank God, but passed out for several hours. When he wakes up all he wants to do is hug me and lay on me and if I don't want to he gets angry.

Now my confusion. What am I supposed to do about the car issue. He is bigger than me and after the shove I am now not as confident that he wouldn't hurt me. I had never been the least bit frightened of him but that has changed. The car is in my name. He is eligible to get an unrestricted license and I have told him that I want him to get the license and put the car in his name so that I am protected. But -- if he is picked up and the vehicle is in his name they have the right to keep the vehicle and then what?

He says he wants help but he will only go to a certain place for detox and he will only go to long term if he can work everday and so on and so on. Sounds like he really wants help, doesn't it!!!!
If I ask him to leave then I am without a car and without any money until we get the house sold which we can't do until we get the lien placed on MY house by Friend of the Court for his child support arrearage removed.

I know, one thing at a time and one day at a time! I can't knowingly let him walk out of here with the car if he is drinking can I? He will tell me in the morning that he promises he won't drink that day and he needs to go to work. He won't let me take him and he won't have his helper come here and drive him. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. Does anyone have any suggestions about the car situation?

Thanks, Jo

countrygirl

wish I could really help here - the way I feel - after reading Cecilia's horrible experience, I think I would choose to put up with the temporary discomfort, horrible as it is, than to take a chance on him killing people. I think you did the right thing.

If you are able, you need to stick with it. If you give in even once, he will never stop trying to harass you into giving him the car when he is drinking. Stand firm, if you can. If you stay firm, eventually he will give up about it, even if it takes a year. He will call you nuts or whatever, who cares, but he has earned the position he is in, this is the consequences.

It's like gambling. Gamblers keep gambling because every once in a while they win. He will keep pushing the issue if every once in a while you give in.

Good luck!!!

Cecilia

Whatever you do DONT let him out with a car in your name. Its in your name and you are liable.

When he says you have no right to tell him what to do. Tell he's right. But it goes both ways. He has no right to take your rights either. And you dont want to be sued by the person he hurts or kills with your car.

And if you really want to shake him up. Tell him if hes going to kill himself and leave his children fatherless the least he could do is get some more insurance. Might work. Didnt with mine, cause he didnt think he drank too much.


When I read you gals posts about your A's out whooping it up I cant help but thinking their playing Russian Roulette and the other people on the road dont even know theyre in the game.


And as far as the shoving goes. Hes testing you. Mine shoved me once. Boy was he ever sorry.

JT

My son's last DUI was while driving someone else's car and that person was given the option of charging him with car theft. That carries a much stiffer sentence and he chose not to. When the car came up missing the friend called me and I advised him to call the police, which he did. Perhaps this is an option for you. I am not sure how car theft works in a marrage. Maybe someone else does.

You can always let him know that if he leaves with the car while drinking you will call the police. And follow through. A DUI costs money but alot less than what Cecelia is going through.

Hugs,
JT

myles1

You have every right not let him take that car if it's in your name. Find all the keys and keep them.

If he shoves you again call the cops. He wants to see how much he can get away with.

Ngaire