Children of Addicts
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Children of Addicts
I was watching a show on the weekend about the childen of addicts and how the dynmaics works
Kids that come from homes of functional addicts have the same emotional struggles as those that come from non-functional addicts.
They had interviwed a social worker who was trying to get the state to force parents of functional addicts to get their kids into therapy.
What are you thoughts of this........
Here is some info I found on the subject
Children of addicted parents exhibit symptoms of depression and anxiety more than do children from non-addicted families.
• Children of addicted parents exhibit depression and depressive symptoms more frequently than do children from non-addicted families.
• Children of addicted parents are more likely to have anxiety disorders or to show anxiety symptoms.
• Children of addicted parents are at high risk for elevated rates of psychiatric and psychosocial dysfunction, as well as for alcoholism.
Children of addicted parents have a high rate of behavior problems.
• One study comparing children of alcoholics (aged 6-1 7 years) with children of psychiatrically healthy medical patients found that children of alcoholics had elevated rates of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) measured against the control group of children.
• Research on behavioral problems demonstrated by children of alcoholics has revealed some of the following traits: lack of empathy for other persons; decreased social adequacy and interpersonal adaptability; low self-esteem; and lack of control over the environment
• Research has shown that children of addicted parents demonstrate behavioral characteristics and a temperament style that predispose them to future maladjustment.
Family interaction is defined by substance abuse or addiction in a family.
• Families affected by alcoholism report higher levels of conflict than do families with no alcoholism. Drinking is the primary factor in family disruption. The environment of children of alcoholics has been characterized by lack of parenting, poor home management, and lack of family communication
skills, thereby effectively robbing children of alcoholic parents of modeling or training on parenting skills or family effectiveness.
• The following family problems have been frequently associated with families affected by alcoholism: increased family conflict; emotional or physical violence; decreased family cohesion; decreased family organization; increased family isolation; increased family stress including work problems, illness, marital strain and financial problems; and frequent family moves.
• Addicted parents often lack the ability to provide structure or discipline in family life, but simultaneously expect their children to be competent at a wide variety of tasks earlier than do non-substance-abusing parents.
• Sons of addicted fathers are the recipients of more detrimental discipline practices from their parents.
Kids that come from homes of functional addicts have the same emotional struggles as those that come from non-functional addicts.
They had interviwed a social worker who was trying to get the state to force parents of functional addicts to get their kids into therapy.
What are you thoughts of this........
Here is some info I found on the subject
Children of addicted parents exhibit symptoms of depression and anxiety more than do children from non-addicted families.
• Children of addicted parents exhibit depression and depressive symptoms more frequently than do children from non-addicted families.
• Children of addicted parents are more likely to have anxiety disorders or to show anxiety symptoms.
• Children of addicted parents are at high risk for elevated rates of psychiatric and psychosocial dysfunction, as well as for alcoholism.
Children of addicted parents have a high rate of behavior problems.
• One study comparing children of alcoholics (aged 6-1 7 years) with children of psychiatrically healthy medical patients found that children of alcoholics had elevated rates of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) measured against the control group of children.
• Research on behavioral problems demonstrated by children of alcoholics has revealed some of the following traits: lack of empathy for other persons; decreased social adequacy and interpersonal adaptability; low self-esteem; and lack of control over the environment
• Research has shown that children of addicted parents demonstrate behavioral characteristics and a temperament style that predispose them to future maladjustment.
Family interaction is defined by substance abuse or addiction in a family.
• Families affected by alcoholism report higher levels of conflict than do families with no alcoholism. Drinking is the primary factor in family disruption. The environment of children of alcoholics has been characterized by lack of parenting, poor home management, and lack of family communication
skills, thereby effectively robbing children of alcoholic parents of modeling or training on parenting skills or family effectiveness.
• The following family problems have been frequently associated with families affected by alcoholism: increased family conflict; emotional or physical violence; decreased family cohesion; decreased family organization; increased family isolation; increased family stress including work problems, illness, marital strain and financial problems; and frequent family moves.
• Addicted parents often lack the ability to provide structure or discipline in family life, but simultaneously expect their children to be competent at a wide variety of tasks earlier than do non-substance-abusing parents.
• Sons of addicted fathers are the recipients of more detrimental discipline practices from their parents.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
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Thank you for posting that. The only thing I would add is that research has probably also found that children of addicts are more likely to become addicts themselves.
I would also like to point out that IMO there is no such thing as a functional addict. Forming a distinction is a rationalization and a defense to continue the use.
I would also like to point out that IMO there is no such thing as a functional addict. Forming a distinction is a rationalization and a defense to continue the use.
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Functional addicts in the sense that they hold down jobs, homes and are not desolate, stealing, crashing.
Not meaning emotionally not functional, because none of them are functional in that way, I agree.
Not meaning emotionally not functional, because none of them are functional in that way, I agree.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
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The research showed that there is no difference, that the children of what they call "functional addicts" are just as affected as the children of what they call "non-functional addicts." That is exactly my point. For US to distinguish between the two terms is to indicate we buy into the notion that there is a difference in the disease if you are able or sufficiently ENABLED to hold down a job, own a vehicle, or go to school. To believe the alcoholic or addict is "functional" is merely a continuation of our own denial that WE are enabling them to be "functional" in the first place.
For example, and I hope she does not mind, take our new poster who has been doing her ABF's coursework for him. By someone's definition he could be called functional, but in reality, he ISN'T. I am also willing to bet other people are holding him up, perhaps paying his rent or car payment, with the effect that he APPEARS to be fully "functional" and "Heck, look at Johnny, he even gets good grades!" The use of the terms "functional" and "non-functional" is all part and parcel of the SMOKESCREEN we see them thru. It is part of our own denial and rationalization. To continue to stay with and enable them.
Like I said, no such thing as a functional addict.
For example, and I hope she does not mind, take our new poster who has been doing her ABF's coursework for him. By someone's definition he could be called functional, but in reality, he ISN'T. I am also willing to bet other people are holding him up, perhaps paying his rent or car payment, with the effect that he APPEARS to be fully "functional" and "Heck, look at Johnny, he even gets good grades!" The use of the terms "functional" and "non-functional" is all part and parcel of the SMOKESCREEN we see them thru. It is part of our own denial and rationalization. To continue to stay with and enable them.
Like I said, no such thing as a functional addict.
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I agree too Summerpeach, there is such a thing as functional alcoholics. There are many successful busninessmen and women, Dr's, Judges, accountants etc. who are able to continue their work life for years (some eventually crash) until they retire.
If we call the other crew "non functioning" alcoholics for the sake of argument, does that mean that they can not use it as a defense to carry on?
If we call the other crew "non functioning" alcoholics for the sake of argument, does that mean that they can not use it as a defense to carry on?
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I think the difference L2L is that there are in fact alcoholics who ARE functioning. The fact that children of functioning or otherwise are effected by a parents drinking is seperate to my point. I consider the term functioning to be more in line with Summerpeaches definition and believe that definition is what is used when naming someone a "functioning" alcoholic
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Hi Summerpeach,
As you define functioningin the OP then I can say I grew up w/ a functioning alcoholic father (and 4 siblings). My A dad never lost his job (although he admitted once he got sober that he missed many many promotions) and he never got a DUI, although he drove drunk all the time.
In my family "functioning" is just a phase of the disease that some pass through slowly and some fly right through in 5 minutes down into total desolation!
And I can report sadly that a lot of those outcomes are true in my family. We all have self-esteem issues, dealt with in many different ways, we don't have social inadequacy or behavioral problems. We are very social and well-behaved! Except when the drinkers are drunk. All 3 bros are alcoholics/addicts, my sis suffers from depression and anxiety and I think I would too if I hadn't spent all the time I have in AlAnon and therapy.
I have a clear-eyed awareness of all the crap I had to unlearn and it is a long and gnarly list. And it's not like I've eradictaed all that learned misery, I have to be damn vigilant, on a daily basis to be mindful, and not recreate any of that sick sick dynamic.
I used to show studies like this to my mom - she will not admit a whit of responsibility for 50% of that sick dynamic we kids grew up in - the codie part. Yukky stuff. Glad I grew up non-addicted and in enough pain to try AlAnon & follow directions!
peace-
b
As you define functioningin the OP then I can say I grew up w/ a functioning alcoholic father (and 4 siblings). My A dad never lost his job (although he admitted once he got sober that he missed many many promotions) and he never got a DUI, although he drove drunk all the time.
In my family "functioning" is just a phase of the disease that some pass through slowly and some fly right through in 5 minutes down into total desolation!
And I can report sadly that a lot of those outcomes are true in my family. We all have self-esteem issues, dealt with in many different ways, we don't have social inadequacy or behavioral problems. We are very social and well-behaved! Except when the drinkers are drunk. All 3 bros are alcoholics/addicts, my sis suffers from depression and anxiety and I think I would too if I hadn't spent all the time I have in AlAnon and therapy.
I have a clear-eyed awareness of all the crap I had to unlearn and it is a long and gnarly list. And it's not like I've eradictaed all that learned misery, I have to be damn vigilant, on a daily basis to be mindful, and not recreate any of that sick sick dynamic.
I used to show studies like this to my mom - she will not admit a whit of responsibility for 50% of that sick dynamic we kids grew up in - the codie part. Yukky stuff. Glad I grew up non-addicted and in enough pain to try AlAnon & follow directions!
peace-
b
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
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Thanks for sharing Bernadette because now I can see why I dislike the term so much.
I can appreciate that people want to use the term and I understand the definition. But I'd like to share my feelings if that is OK.
The term "functional alcoholic" just pi$$es me off. Yeah, my dad was a functional alcoholic by EVERYONE else's standards, only from the OUTSIDE that is. What we went through behind all that apparent functionality was DYSFUNCTIONAL and HELL (moreso for my Mom and older siblings than for me--because I at least had my older siblings to help care for me). I will completely spare you the details, and the stories I have heard of all the other functional alcoholic parents. I now thankfully know in my heart that I was NOT alone.
So I don't give a rat's a$$ if you are a doctor, lawyer, physicist, or President of a small country; driving a Lexus, Mercedes, or BMW; shopping at Nordstrom's with your girlfriends, playing golf in Cabo St Lucas with the boys from the club, or spending the afternoon at the spa having your nails done OR smoking crack on the streets of your big city, robbing liquor stores at gunpoint, in jail for possession, lost all your front teeth, whatever. They are all ONE IN THE SAME. They have the disease and it is GOING to get worse. If they are holding down a job or meeting some other societal standard of "normalcy," I guarantee they are NOT functional and probably DYSfunctional in another significant area of their life. Just read the posts here of all the men, women, children and other loved ones of alcoholics and addicts with jobs, cars, families, houses, etc and all the atrocities these people suffer.
I'm done. Thanks for listening.
I can appreciate that people want to use the term and I understand the definition. But I'd like to share my feelings if that is OK.
The term "functional alcoholic" just pi$$es me off. Yeah, my dad was a functional alcoholic by EVERYONE else's standards, only from the OUTSIDE that is. What we went through behind all that apparent functionality was DYSFUNCTIONAL and HELL (moreso for my Mom and older siblings than for me--because I at least had my older siblings to help care for me). I will completely spare you the details, and the stories I have heard of all the other functional alcoholic parents. I now thankfully know in my heart that I was NOT alone.
So I don't give a rat's a$$ if you are a doctor, lawyer, physicist, or President of a small country; driving a Lexus, Mercedes, or BMW; shopping at Nordstrom's with your girlfriends, playing golf in Cabo St Lucas with the boys from the club, or spending the afternoon at the spa having your nails done OR smoking crack on the streets of your big city, robbing liquor stores at gunpoint, in jail for possession, lost all your front teeth, whatever. They are all ONE IN THE SAME. They have the disease and it is GOING to get worse. If they are holding down a job or meeting some other societal standard of "normalcy," I guarantee they are NOT functional and probably DYSfunctional in another significant area of their life. Just read the posts here of all the men, women, children and other loved ones of alcoholics and addicts with jobs, cars, families, houses, etc and all the atrocities these people suffer.
I'm done. Thanks for listening.
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Definitions aside, peach, having been both (a child of a functional addict, and a child of a non-functional addict), I do have to agree with your original post. I can only think that many families must have shared my experience: the addiction was in a way the symptom, not the disease. I was born to people who were really messed up inside, and they chose to self-medicate rather than deal with that inner chaos. Self-medication turned to addiction, and it manifested differently in each of them. Whether it raged in my face or quietly turned its back on me, the damage it did was the same.
Though I can't be sure how much more traumatic it might have been if I'd had TWO raging, non-functional addicts as parents...... I guess we are all different, so there is no way to know for sure. I won't be going back in the time machine to try to find out, that's for sure LOL
Here's to recovery for all of us. We all deserve to live in joy, in these few measly decades of life we're granted.
Though I can't be sure how much more traumatic it might have been if I'd had TWO raging, non-functional addicts as parents...... I guess we are all different, so there is no way to know for sure. I won't be going back in the time machine to try to find out, that's for sure LOL
Here's to recovery for all of us. We all deserve to live in joy, in these few measly decades of life we're granted.
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Bernadette, you were wise enough to get help. Was your Mom an addict?
A friend of mine is a recovery alcoholic and her husband a drug addict. Both very "functional" and live in total denial of their sickness and how it harms their kids.
Their kids struggle with many social skills. Its terribly sad.
This brings me to another thought.......if a child was being physical/sexually abused, would one not report it? Why should kids of addicts not be reported?!
I saw my friend's husband drive his kids drunk once. I was told to "mind my own business. That it wasn't that big a deal. That I didn't know what I was talking about"
Give: my S/O is a "functional" addict who is not emotionally "functional" and deals with life by avoidance, denial and before this, booze. He's been in recovery for a while now
A friend of mine is a recovery alcoholic and her husband a drug addict. Both very "functional" and live in total denial of their sickness and how it harms their kids.
Their kids struggle with many social skills. Its terribly sad.
This brings me to another thought.......if a child was being physical/sexually abused, would one not report it? Why should kids of addicts not be reported?!
I saw my friend's husband drive his kids drunk once. I was told to "mind my own business. That it wasn't that big a deal. That I didn't know what I was talking about"
Give: my S/O is a "functional" addict who is not emotionally "functional" and deals with life by avoidance, denial and before this, booze. He's been in recovery for a while now
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hi peach--
No my mom wasn't an addcit. She was a Class A codependent though. She did as much damage to herself and us kids with her crazy behavior trying to control my father's drinking, trying to pretend that what was happening wasn't happening, maintaining her strict denial that any of the insanity in our house could possibly be harming us kids. She really made herself nuts - and a nutty parent is bad for kids whether alcoholic or not!
Yeah the denial of drug abuse/alcoholism's effects on kids starts within the family but definitely pervades society as well. I always report people who drive drunk though - I've called the cops on my own brother! I don't protect alcoholics in any way shape or form anymore. I did that too long and did too much damage to my humanity!
Have you found any help through AlAnon or counseling? Glad you're here!
peace-
b
No my mom wasn't an addcit. She was a Class A codependent though. She did as much damage to herself and us kids with her crazy behavior trying to control my father's drinking, trying to pretend that what was happening wasn't happening, maintaining her strict denial that any of the insanity in our house could possibly be harming us kids. She really made herself nuts - and a nutty parent is bad for kids whether alcoholic or not!
Yeah the denial of drug abuse/alcoholism's effects on kids starts within the family but definitely pervades society as well. I always report people who drive drunk though - I've called the cops on my own brother! I don't protect alcoholics in any way shape or form anymore. I did that too long and did too much damage to my humanity!
Have you found any help through AlAnon or counseling? Glad you're here!
peace-
b
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