veracious

Ok so after a weekend of my ABF texting me and calling me trying to get me to come home its been two days and nothing from him. I am feeling neurotic wondering what he is doing, if he is even alive, if he went to see his therapist today, wondering if he is finally going to keep giving me peace and wondering why part of me feels the need to have a connection with him in the first place. Yes i changed my number then was dumb enough after him emailing me over and over gave in and sent him a text.

suki44883

Maybe you need to take some time and really think about what you want. Are you ready to love him and live with him as he is RIGHT NOW? If not, then you have some thinking to do. If we leave before we've really had ENOUGH, many times we're just hoping that our leaving will make them suddenly snap to and realize what they're losing. The thing is, unless you are leaving for the express reason of saving YOURSELF, it can be easy to be drawn back into the drama. If you really and truly want to have no contact, you will not participate in emailing or texting and will not give him your new phone number. When you do these things, they realize they still have a hold on you and will use that knowledge to weaken you.

I hope you have the strength and resolve to give yourself some time to figure out what it is you really, really want.

Learn2Live

Oops on giving him the number after you changed it.

Recognize this "neurotic" feeling as an indication of one of your triggers. Recognize also that he knows your triggers better than you do. What this means is that he knows EXACTLY how to act in order to get you to feel this neurotic. They hook you by doing exactly what they know will trigger you. Once you fall for it again, you're hooked back in, and there you go back on the rollercoaster. It's just like what the alcoholic or addict goes through: There is a trigger, he goes for it, gets hooked back in, and the cycle continues. Step off the ride, and don't step back on. I know, easier said than done. But it's just like not taking that first drink.

Have you tried Al-Anon yet? Give it a whirl; it works.

veracious

I did call tonight to find out where a local al anon meeting is. I never realized how much i need al anon until i left my ABF. I didnt go back to him this time because he was smart enough at one time to tell me that i need to see a counselor and i listened of course. She was the one that guided me to not going back yet. She knows of some of the dynamics of my relationship but i dont recall if i have ever mentioned to her that he has a problem with alcohol.

Kittyboo

Ugh...I recently did the SAME thing...changed my phone number, and then IRONICALLY he emailed me the same night sending a bs apology which I wanted to believe, and it wasn't too long after that that I sent my new number.
BLAH.

Needless to say I haven't heard from him again. But Learns post really struck me, it made me wonder if he really does know my triggers. He knew I changed my phone number as he saw my post to another friend....then he writes me the same night??

Sometimes I think we (or I should just say I) put way too much thought into things...but man, with THEM, it's impossible to think there aren't little manipulations that they do just to get under our skin.
Needless to say I have felt neurotic myself the past few weeks again because I feel like I am processing a loss ALL OVER AGAIN.

I'm with ya Veracious! ( I can't find the little hugging icon! )lol

Learn2Live

Yup. Having actively-using, toxic people in your life creates SO MUCH confusion and negativity and takes SO MUCH energy out of you, and you're not even aware of how much. Then, after you have learned how to find your peace and serenity, you CAN'T BELIEVE how much time and energy you WASTED mired in such confusion and negativity and chaos. But it gets BETTER because once you FIND your peace and serenity, you will do ANYTHING to keep it. And life just becomes so much EASIER and PLEASANT.