He's now blackmailing me....

Old 02-22-2010, 06:35 AM
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He's now blackmailing me....

I've been with my boyfriend for a long time now. I helped him get his G.E.D, got him money for college through federal grants, and help him through school...

I've been doing his online work because I was manipulated by him at the time, he had total control over me...it still feels like that...

I've been doing his online classes for 3 semesters now. Every time I enroll him he promises to stop drinking. This time I enrolled him, I made sure he was going to do his classes. I said, "Dude, I can't do this for you anymore, are you SURE you want to go to school" and he said, "Yeah of course, what else am I going to do"...He doesn't even have a job

Well I'm 24 now and able to apply for grants myself and now my grades are threatened by him. I told him I can no longer take 2 sets of full time classes at the same time. I feel like my head is going to explode and and I feel like dying would be easier than coping with all of this ********....

He said if I did that he would tell the school I've been doing his work for him the whole time, and get me kicked out of college and jepordize my grant money!! I'm so scared! Can he actually do that! So last night I stayed up till 4am getting all the work done, even though I had to wake up at 7 to meet with my mom....I'm afraid to tell her...what do I do?
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Old 02-22-2010, 06:42 AM
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You STOP doing is work!

If this is such a concern, then you need to call the school and speak with someone. HE WILL GET KICKED OUT.
This is manipulation to the nth degree. He's threatening you to keep you doing it, and it's working.

Does your fear in telling your mom, or anyone else override your desire to be treated like this???? It's YOUR choice.
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Old 02-22-2010, 06:49 AM
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I would talk to someone at your school. It sounds like you're dealing with alot of pressure. I was married to an alcoholic/drug abuser for 6 years. It took me leaving him... for him to hit bottom and stop using.

I'm not going to give advise... just telling you what happened in this instance. I wish you the best... and no matter what... take care of yourself.
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Old 02-22-2010, 06:50 AM
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what do I do?

I'll be the second voice of reason and repeat Kittyboo: You STOP doing his work!

You're a grown woman. I understand if you don't want to tell mom. Your school has mental health counselors, they are bound to confidentiality, I would get an appt. ASAP, today, with a counselor and let it all out.

Just keep doing the next right thing. And ask for and accept help for heaven's sakes. You were up till 4a doing his work???? I'm worried about your mental health!

peace-
b
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Old 02-22-2010, 06:54 AM
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And then, after you get the school stuff taken care of, you leave his sorry a$$. What a jerk!
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Old 02-22-2010, 07:55 AM
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Call bull$hit and stop doing his work. If he tells the school you've been doing his work, all you have to say is, "Prove it." Next, start calling him your EX-boyfriend. What a douche! Please get some help. From the outside, this looks really insane, that you're doing all his work for him while he does...what?
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Old 02-22-2010, 08:25 AM
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Clearly you understand that this initially started out as you helping him get on his feet sober and get through school. But it has become manipulation, bullying, and now blackmail.

This must stop!!

Go to the school administrator, go to the guidance office, go the dean of the school. Go to anyone associated with the school who will listen. Tell them how you were trying to help but are now being pressured and threatened to continue to do his work.

This kind of bullying occurs at all levels of schooling (actually happened to me in 5th grade if you can believe that). It's something schools of all kinds are aware of and are supposed to help students break free from. I can see any school looking to suspend you as a victim of this type of abuse.

Once you have pursued help from the school and have gotten guidance on how to proceed, then I would discuss it with your mom and tell her how this has affected you. Let her lend emotional support as I am sure this will rock your relationship with BF (which should be over and done in my opinion) and having a shoulder to lean on is going to help so much.

I offer this with concern and support, but it is only my opinion and you are free to take it as you wish, okay..no judgements from me, only concern.

Hugs,

Alice
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Old 02-22-2010, 08:47 AM
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Don't go and tell anyone at the school unless they ask you.
Just stop doing his work. Let him figure out HOW to tell on you.
What a punk; call his bluff. But STOP talking to him about it. That's how he gets information to manipulate and blackmail you.
"No" is a complete sentence and silence is allowed.
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:01 AM
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He would have to prove it to the university and by doing so, he would be hanging himself, "Someone else has been doing my work!" Ya, that's not going to go well for him. You could just tell the university that he's an abusive alcoholic (which is true) and that he's just trying to get you in trouble because you're leaving him (which is hopefully also true).

I would definitely stop doing his work. I remember university very clearly since I spent 7 years going to college (undergraduate degree then graduate degree). It's HARD just to do your own work, as you know, and it takes a lot of stamina to get through it. I wouldn't risk your education on a lazy guy who obviously doesn't care about your education or your emotional well-being.

Cut the dead weight (him) and let your little helium balloon carry you up up up cause that's where you're headed.

Seriously, it's so lame and lazy of him to have someone doing his homework for him. What a wimp he is. And, it's not OK to do someone else's homework. It's cheating. You know this. Stop doing it. He's not going to say anything and even if he does, he can't prove it.
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:03 AM
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yes, mlewis, stop doing his work right now.
go get help from some school officials.
and i understand how it feels to be manipulated into something.
my ex used this kind of threat to try to scare me about my veterans disability.

have you considered how ridiculous he would look if he marched into the school deans office and announced:
"my gf is doing all my work and has done all my work, you must stop her money immediately!"

good god, he hasn't thought this through has he?
does he think they will thank him and throw roses at his feet?
no, they will be interested in how he used money, or got it under false pretenses.
what a fool he is.
it is not me, but i would say,
uh, okay, go help yourself out there.
you obviously know what you're doing.
hehehehe
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Old 02-22-2010, 10:14 AM
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Mle - you've gotten a lot of strong advice...pretty hard to hear? How are you today?
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Old 02-22-2010, 02:38 PM
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Please stop doing this loser's work. Sorry to be blunt, but killing yourself is so not worth it.

I would call him on on it and remind him that he'll go down with you. The government will likely make him pay the grants back. Pointing out how the bully will suffer usually makes them back down.

Hugs! Be safe. Does your campus have a lawyer on staff? When I was in college, we had a lawyer that did pro bono (free) work for students. If it's a big college, they usually do. Anything you say to the lawyer will be confidential. Seek advice before going directly to school administration for help.
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Old 02-22-2010, 03:40 PM
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mlewis, you have been taken in by the same con trick used by A's....promises and pleas for help leading to where you suddenly find you are in a deep hole. Then come the abuse and threats....anything to keep you bewildered and at their mercy.

Stop it all, right now.

For me, first...I would get legal advice regarding where you stand in doing his work.

Next I would go to the Dean and lay it all out for them, explaining how you were sucked in to it from the first, how it has got to this stage and that though you have refused to continue, he is trying to force you to do so.

If you have been doing your own work well, then you have not breached your contract and have been entitled to any monies you received as a student.

He, on the other hand is in deep s**t, as he has taken monies he was never entitled to and must answer to that, probably have to repay it all and cop some legal penalty.

What penalty, if any is to be levied on you, I do not know, BUT it could not be anything worse than being worked into the ground as you have been, and now being further abused by this useless, brainless jerk.

Cut contact with him immediately, and let him know that if he gives you any more trouble or threats, you will be telling University officials about the work you did for him, and the police regarding his menaces and threatening behavior.

Get your mum in the picture, as you need her love and support at this time. Frankly, if you were my girl in this mess, I swear your ex-creep would be in too much pain to move, let alone menace you.

Above all, don't pay out on yourself for being sucked in by him, as there are millions of us "smart" women who have been caught up in an A's whirlpool of c**p. Some of us lasted even longer, enmeshed with our losers and took years to wake up and get free.

God bless
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Old 02-22-2010, 04:02 PM
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Do not feed into this manipulative behavior..

No lawyers...


No deans.....


Go to an Alanon meeting get support from women who have been through this. Take some time to think this through.... you will arrive at an answer to this situation.
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Old 02-22-2010, 04:08 PM
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Slag, with all due respect, although I think alanon will help this girl, she should also cover herself just in case this guy decides to be nasty. Jmho. I know when I had issues with a drug addict, the lawyer went a very ling way in helping me figure out what I should do and what my own rights were.
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Old 02-22-2010, 04:28 PM
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He has to be bluffing though. I mean, he would just be ruining his own future funding. Of course....we are talking about alcoholic logic...
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Old 02-22-2010, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by NYC_Chick View Post
Slag, with all due respect, although I think alanon will help this girl, she should also cover herself just in case this guy decides to be nasty. Jmho. I know when I had issues with a drug addict, the lawyer went a very ling way in helping me figure out what I should do and what my own rights were.
Perhaps...we all have different experiences and skill sets...in fact some of us who post are actually attorneys with a great deal of experience in these matters.

I suggest restraint of pen and tongue prior to placing one's self in both academic and legal jeopardy.


I interpret the tone of the OP to be both frenetic and confused. Naturally I may be mistaken. In any event I believe the OP's mental, physical and spiritual well being should come before anyone's academic standing.
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Old 02-22-2010, 04:32 PM
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This is a man who has physically, verbally, and emotionally abused the o.p. for a long time.

She's been practicing 'restraint' for years already. It's time for something different.

M, I hope you will gather your energy to wrap a support system around yourself (parents, counselor, women's domestic violence center, college advisor, legal help, al-anon) to free yourself from this person's poisonous control of your life.

You deserve so much better. You are a loving individual who deserves someone who doesn't abuse her. And there are a lot of people around who would love to help you, once you share your story. Don't be afraid to open up to the people in your life who can help you.

Sending you hugs and strength,
GL
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Old 02-22-2010, 04:37 PM
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I suggest restraint of pen and tongue prior to placing one's self in both academic and legal jeopardy.
I agree with this Slag.

MLewis,
My answer was flip, and I am sorry for that.
I do think you should put a stop to helping your boyfriend right now.

And Slag,

If you are an attorney, I can understand why you would suggest restraint, but I think the OP's mental, physical and spritual well being are frenetic and confused because she is doing all her boyfriend's work, and his threats are spinning her out.
Without any knowledge on her rights, she is stuck in the whirlwind.
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Old 02-22-2010, 04:50 PM
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My two cents on the legal advice is that I don't see anything wrong with consulting with an attorney to get and understand options.
It doesn't mean that action needs to be or will be taken, it is for protection.

And if there are services offered through the university re: counseling or legal, then I think that you have every right to utilize those departments. That is what they are there for.... YOU and for your well being and protection.
And yes, counseling services through the university are confidential.

Mlewis, really you do whatever it is that you need to do to untangle yourself from this situation.
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