The next step
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South Africa
Posts: 330
The next step
Dear SR friends I had to do the next right step. I filed for divorce August 2009 and as yet - no settlement offer from my STBXAH. Well I had to the next right thing to protect our 3 children and myself in this ongoing saga. My husband started a profitable business 16 years ago. He has always been very lucky and he could always pay somebody to do his job while he was spiralling downwards into his disease. My HP looked out for me and I became a trustee of the business in 2008 -after following advice from SR to get myself financially safe. We are the only 2 trustees. As the disease progressed( 14 Rehabs/detoxes/ hospitalisations later) he is now never at work and the people that he pays have started stealing from the business.
Well I started the process to remove him as a trustee and to appoint 2 new trustees to assist me in getting control of the business.I had to document his whole alcoholic history.This in itself was traumatic for me.
He received the papers from court and immediately went on a holiday (AS IT WAS SO TOUGH TO READ HIS OWN HISTORY) -taking along a few rescuers. When I spoke to him today he told me he is not coming back . When he started telling me how he is going to kill himself - I told him I was going to call the police and ended the conversation.
I am so tired of all of this. Every single boundary has been a struggle for me -to get to make it and to enforce it.
Well friends I must make good choices for children and me. His choices are his choices . After 22 years I am finally getting to a place that I KNOW that I cannot change him.
I stayed too long!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I started the process to remove him as a trustee and to appoint 2 new trustees to assist me in getting control of the business.I had to document his whole alcoholic history.This in itself was traumatic for me.
He received the papers from court and immediately went on a holiday (AS IT WAS SO TOUGH TO READ HIS OWN HISTORY) -taking along a few rescuers. When I spoke to him today he told me he is not coming back . When he started telling me how he is going to kill himself - I told him I was going to call the police and ended the conversation.
I am so tired of all of this. Every single boundary has been a struggle for me -to get to make it and to enforce it.
Well friends I must make good choices for children and me. His choices are his choices . After 22 years I am finally getting to a place that I KNOW that I cannot change him.
I stayed too long!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Doesn't matter if you took a bit long to leave. You have left NOW, and are busy at salvaging all you can from the mess he made of your business.
If he can't face the consequences of his drinking, maybe he is better off staying away.
You did all you could re his "killing himself" threat, which I don't think was serious either. I mean, who takes rescuers with them on a suicide trip? Sort of spoils the attempt wouldn't you think?
Now you can get to grips with business and family matters that need your attention, without having to mother him as usual, and tho it will seem weird at first, it will be such a relief and pleasure very soon.
God bless
If he can't face the consequences of his drinking, maybe he is better off staying away.
You did all you could re his "killing himself" threat, which I don't think was serious either. I mean, who takes rescuers with them on a suicide trip? Sort of spoils the attempt wouldn't you think?
Now you can get to grips with business and family matters that need your attention, without having to mother him as usual, and tho it will seem weird at first, it will be such a relief and pleasure very soon.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 93
Congratulations on taking control of your life and your livelihood. MY STBXAH had a very profitable business as well. His decisions as an alcholic caused him (and us) to lose everything...and I mean everything. Thankfully I wasn't named on the business because I would never be able to dig out for my daughter and I.
Your steps are the right ones. Wishing you much luck and strength as you push forward!
Your steps are the right ones. Wishing you much luck and strength as you push forward!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Wishing you the best during this transition. Congratulations on facing difficult feelings in exchange for a better present and future, HUGS!! you made the right decision even if it hurts now. This too shall pass
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