jcr68

Hello. I want to sincerely thank those of you that posted help/advice for me. You helped me realize that I'm not "crazy" for thinking my husband's behavior was not "normal". I'm trying to understand how the disease can take over his personality.

I've heard that an alcoholic has to hit rock bottom to realize that there is a problem. I can only hope that my husband is starting to realize he does, indeed, have a problem. Last month, he was givien an excellent executive promotion, pending a background check. He has been with the corporation for over 15 years, but it's company policy to administer a background check for promotions. He ended up having to finally tell his immediate bosses about his 2 DUIs. Well, Human Resources is "investigating". They obtained the police reports from both DUI incidents. In one of the DUI arrests, he lied to the officer about being the driver. HR has a problem with him lying. It has been over a month - still waiting the outcome.

Previously, I spoke to his probation officer, without his knowledge. I told her about his continual drinking and his drinking/driving while on probation. She said she would administer an 80 hour test. Well, she called him in this last Wednesday. He's awaiting word/results. He drank gallons of water the night before the test. If he tests positive for alcohol, he may have to pay a fine and attend AA. He has no idea that I talked to his probation officer. I hope he does test positive. He hasn't had a drink in 6 days. I have a feeling that it's temporary. It's strange... neither one of us are acknowledging the fact that he hasn't had anything to drink. We are like quiet roommates. He's is about to go play golf, so I have a feeling he may have a drink.. If not, again, it will probably be temporary.

IamSaved

Ahh yes..the walking on eggshells, not talking about the 500lb gorilla in the room.

Rock bottom, some hit it, some don't. We can only turn them over to a HP, and pray for the best.

((HUGS))

coffeedrinker

isn't it unfortunate that the p.o. tipped off your husband in her attempt to ascertain whether or not he's been violating his probation condition. the very thing designed to foil a cheater may have been rendered useless because of her idiocy.

in my opinion, someone who just jumps up on the wagon for an external reason, especially something temporary like getting a promotion, getting your spouse to quit nagging you, is destined to fail. why? because something that has been incredibly important to you, perhaps your biggest priority in life, wouldn't just cease to be that important one day, without some bigtime consequences, a moment when you clearly see that what you have come to adore and lean on, is causing you tremendous problems. think about anything you have ever loved that has been unhealthy, and how you had to face something about "needing" that thing. we are always in a place of emotional pain, and the loss of something (tangible or not) when we have our "moment of clarity".

not talking about it. tiptoeing around. it's the elephant in the living room. it is the nature of this. for awhile.

why do you think he hasn't talked to you about it?

jcr68

Not sure why we don't talk about it. He mentioned, the other night, that he was "done" with drinking. Of course, I didn't really believe it. Just a few minutes ago, I noticed that the 2 beers that were in the refrigerator are gone. Hate to admit it, but I looked in the trash cans - no beer bottles. He drove this afternoon too. Two beers won't really do anything to him, but are probably enough to get him in trouble while driving. Besides smelling like alcohol and having just an occupational driver's license, Texas has a "no open container" law.

Carol Star

It would be great for you to try Alanon. They will help you get the focus back on you. They have been there, done that, have the t-shirt in four colors. You could use the support.

jcr68

I've been to one Al-Anon meeting. I'm planning on trying to go every week or every other week. Very nice group. I guess each session focuses on some aspect of healing. The meeting I attended mainly focused on growing up in an alcoholic home/alcoholic parents, and forgiving them. I know every meeting won't be tailored to my specific need, but I didn't feel like I got much out of it. Honestly, I get more out of this website. So, thanks so much for the advice and support.

coffeedrinker

i feel a lot of help and support from this site as well. i think it's because here we have continual feedback, where, at alanon, "crosstalk" is against the rules. that's what sponsors and after-meeting functions come into play.

alanon requests that you make a 6-time commitment before you decide if you should continue. i think it feels great to belong to a world-wide organization, a group of people that understand, and the opportunity to befriend others with this background, who "get it". i almost don't even want to be friends with "outsiders" because the things we learn become so front-and-center; crucial (in my opinion) in how we live out our lives.

ok, off soapbox now.

CashFan

Hugs matey. Just what is rock bottom tho? Ive seen two AHs lose family, friends, work, self respect, money, is that rock bottom, or is it when they are like my AH now, too sick to drink anymore cos his livers shot.

CAPTAINZING2000

I don't know that every alcoholic has to hit a rock bottom. But, sooner or later they have to come to grips with their problem and not be in denial about it.
I pray, my last drunk was my bottom. After many years sober, I know there are other bottoms I can hit.


Probation is designed to make sure you're putting your life back in order. A good P.O. has heard all the b.s. before.
How long is he on probation?