Help! Reality Check Needed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 63
Help! Reality Check Needed.
AH called tonight to discuss plans for weekend. He would come up Friday night if I'm too sick to get boys to practice Saturday. Launched immediately into how his family doesn't care enough about him to anticipate the extent of his need to see to see the super bowl even if he didn't anticipate it himself. Aaaargh! Sounded drunk. Eventually he said something I said sounded like something I would say when he was drinking. I said "was drinking, as in past tense, are you claiming you're not drinking?" He asked when the last time I smelled alcohol on him was (he doesn't drink on weekends when he visits). I told him I didn't believe he wasn't drinking. Asked him how long he'd been taking the meds (he'd said he was going to take antabuse again but hasn't mentioned them since). He claimed it's been 6 weeks. I highly doubt it. I think he was drunk on the phone. I haven't any proof but he's the king of denial, "admit nothing and spread and counter accusations" is his mantra. His behavior around this whole super bowl thing has been bizarre. If he's not drinking, he's as obnoxious now as he was before. I as much as said so and he said something like "okay well I'll talk to you tomorrow." This is a man who shows no remorse when he's caught in a lie. What am I supposed to think.
Am I wrong to accuse him of lying? I know he's lying. I know he was drunk on the phone. His tone of voice and his being argumentative... What if I'm wrong. What if he's telling the truth? What if he's lying? It doesn't even matter does it? Either way, I have good reason not to trust him and either way, he's still obnoxious. I know, I shouldn't have talked to him. Should have told him I'd e-mail him later.
Before we moved up to the mountains for winter, his drinking after work was so bad, I kept the boys out late every night with karate classes and other activities so they'd just come home, shower and go to sleep. I couldn't wait to get up here and away from him. Now were here and I'm still letting him get to me. I need to stop this.
I'm sick, I can't think straight, I shouldn't even try. But I'm still questioning myself. He sounded drunk. He must be lying. I couldn't be wrong could I? Aaaargh! Why do I let him get to me???
Am I wrong to accuse him of lying? I know he's lying. I know he was drunk on the phone. His tone of voice and his being argumentative... What if I'm wrong. What if he's telling the truth? What if he's lying? It doesn't even matter does it? Either way, I have good reason not to trust him and either way, he's still obnoxious. I know, I shouldn't have talked to him. Should have told him I'd e-mail him later.
Before we moved up to the mountains for winter, his drinking after work was so bad, I kept the boys out late every night with karate classes and other activities so they'd just come home, shower and go to sleep. I couldn't wait to get up here and away from him. Now were here and I'm still letting him get to me. I need to stop this.
I'm sick, I can't think straight, I shouldn't even try. But I'm still questioning myself. He sounded drunk. He must be lying. I couldn't be wrong could I? Aaaargh! Why do I let him get to me???
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
You're spinning in circles about whether he's drinking or not. Ask yourself--does it matter? It's really not about the drinking, for any of us is it? It's about the behavior. Is his behavior okay with you. Does it really matter if his behavior is caused by drinking, by his shoes fitting too tight, or by being immature and a jerk? Take the drinking out of the equation for a moment. Is this man's behavior acceptable to you? Would you still put up with it if he never had a drinking problem? Even if he is completely sober and you are wrong about him drinking, does it make any difference?
L
L
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Originally Posted by nothappy 
It doesn't even matter does it? Either way, I have good reason not to trust him and either way, he's still obnoxious. I know, I shouldn't have talked to him. Should have told him I'd e-mail him later.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Oh man, this is classic alcoholic behavior of my XABF - to ruminate on something he missed out on or something he felt slighted by. It's all just another reason to get drunk and rant.
From my bag of experiences...
His mother can be overwhelming sometimes and a friend of the family was feeling worn out by her behavior and in trying to make light of the situation remarked she was 'a piece of work.' I sympathized and we exchanged ideas on how to cope with her. XABF overheard this comment and brought it up during binges repeatedly for years (yes, YEARS!) He became insistent that calling his mother a piece of work was actually calling her a prostitute. WTF!!? I tried everything to get him off this damn subject. He even called his mother once drunk off his butt crying that he tried to defend her honor. Again WTF!?? He wasn't even in the room when it was said. She assured him what the comment actually meant and that she was not offended by it and had since worked out issues with the family friend, but alas, XABF only saw her dismissal of it as denial and continued to rant on the subject until the day we parted. (That would be seven years later!)
You can't get a dog off a scent so easily. I see your AH's obsessiveness over missing the Super Bowl as just another woe is me topic for him to get drunk and rant over. It's not logical and won't be ended by anything you bring to the conversation.
He may not let it go, but you can!
Peace,
Alice
From my bag of experiences...
His mother can be overwhelming sometimes and a friend of the family was feeling worn out by her behavior and in trying to make light of the situation remarked she was 'a piece of work.' I sympathized and we exchanged ideas on how to cope with her. XABF overheard this comment and brought it up during binges repeatedly for years (yes, YEARS!) He became insistent that calling his mother a piece of work was actually calling her a prostitute. WTF!!? I tried everything to get him off this damn subject. He even called his mother once drunk off his butt crying that he tried to defend her honor. Again WTF!?? He wasn't even in the room when it was said. She assured him what the comment actually meant and that she was not offended by it and had since worked out issues with the family friend, but alas, XABF only saw her dismissal of it as denial and continued to rant on the subject until the day we parted. (That would be seven years later!)
You can't get a dog off a scent so easily. I see your AH's obsessiveness over missing the Super Bowl as just another woe is me topic for him to get drunk and rant over. It's not logical and won't be ended by anything you bring to the conversation.
He may not let it go, but you can!
Peace,
Alice
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
