Emeraldstorm

Well...I did it

I'm not sure if you know my story, but basically I was living with an active alcoholic and his father who had demtina and 3 children.

He stopped drinking for 19 days....and then

His dad kept coming in being negitive everyday. He didn't want his son to quit drinking. It's almost like he felt threatned that he was trying because he didn't want his son to leave. Oh yeah btw his dad has demtia because he did too many drugs and now he's on even more drugs....but thats beside the point

I feel bad, but I was trying to tell my boyfriend that I couldn't live there anymore. His was verbal abusing me (telling me he was going to push me down the stairs...to shut the **** up..etc) and his father was as well. He said that I was pissing him off because I told him to stop being negitive all of the time...that his son was trying to quit drinking...

I was with Cory for over 4 years....read my powerless post...you'll see EVERYTHING that I've done for him...

I feel kinda bad for talking crap about his parents, but it's the truth. He had to get beer today...I told him I couldn't do it anymore...he has me taking his FULL-TIME load of classes as well as my own (online)...he doesn't give a **** about me...

It hurts...I feel used, abused, disrespected, angry, sad, lonley...etc

I love him so much, my insinct is to go back to him tonight. I want to take care of him...but I know thats only hurting him...

Did I say things that were out of line about his family?? I'm hung up on that...

I do feel I sense of relief...more pain...but a little relief....

I'm afraid I'm going to go back tomorrow morning when I can't stand being alone here in my moms house while shes at work....

AHHHHH

I left, but my mind is still there if that makes any sense at all....

suki44883

(((Mlewis))) You deserve so much more! Yeah, you might be tempted to go back, but it's only because you've become comfortable in that chaos. We codies become as addicted to our alcoholics as our alcoholics are to their booze.

Ask yourself...what are YOU getting out of this relationship? You, yourself said you felt abused, disrespected, angry, sad, and lonely. Is that really the kind of life you want?

It would be good for you to take this time away from all that to look inside yourself and ask why you would put up with so much abuse. You certainly don't deserve to be treated that way.

LaTeeDa

The only choices we get to make in this life are our own. As much as you would like to choose a better path for him, you don't get to. You only get to choose your own. I hope your survival instinct will kick in and move you to save yourself. Can you see a counselor? I found that talking to someone who had no emotional ties to my situation really helped me to see things more clearly.

L

Lotus2009

Congrats on taking the first step. Maybe you could remind yourself of all the awful moments you've had with him (how miserable he has made you feel), when you feel the urge to go back, and then call a friend instead of him to keep you company!

I'm no one to talk here, because I'm still living with AH, so you're a step ahead of me. But I know when I left in the past, what kept me going back was my fantasy-thinking... I was telling myself "maybe this will make him realize", "maybe now he will quit" and I would start thinking of all the sweet things he had done, I would crave his love and all the good times we had, or I would fear that he would find someone else, etc.

It would have been much better if I had stayed in the present/ in reality. I should have told myself:

If this will make him realize, THEN he will get sober now on HIS OWN- he won't need me to do it for him.

I should have thought of the good AND bad moments - because out of fear of being that miserable AGAIN, I probably wouldn't have chosen to go back.

I should have seen that, if he was to find someone else, chances are that he would be treating her just as he had treated me AND that him getting involved with another woman, does NOT mean that I am worthless or not good enough - chances are the other woman would either fill the role of an enabler or be a heavy drinker (2 roles I know I don't want to take on).

I should have read the following statement over and over: "Some people hold on to guilt because they believe that they are bad and should feel guilty for leaving a partner who feels hurt, betrayed, or abandoned. This is incorrect thinking. If we realize that a relationship is not right for us, then it cannot be right for our partner. The greatest gift we can give someone is the opportunity to find love. If we are unable to get what we need in a relationship, then we can never give another what he/she needs. We will feel too resentful. Only by leaving him/her will he/she be free to find the love he/she needs. Sometimes even when we are the ones who are the victims, we feel guilty for leaving. We may mistakenly feel sorry for our partners, when really they should be feeling sorry for the ways they have hurt us. This tendency to feel guilty is the result of suppressing the four healing emotions." (This is Mars & Venus starting over. By John Gray - there is more of it somewhere here on SR).

Unfortunately, I didn't do any of these... I went back - it got a little better for a short period of time and then he went back to drinking heavily! Take it from me - once you go back, it can be hard to make that first step again! So keep pushing through - you will get through this! Remind yourself that you really do deserve to be treated well and to be happy. Take the time to focus on yourself and make sure you take good care of yourself! I wish you all the best!