So hard to go NC when he's pretending everything is fine
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So hard to go NC when he's pretending everything is fine
He's just acting like nothing happened. Like he didn't drink again. Like he didn't know I would leave if he drank again. Like he didn't say hurtful things that I'll never forget. He calls and leaves almost cheerful, "hope to talk to you soon" messages on my phone and I'm-sorry-I-hurt-you-but-I-won't-mention-how-I-drank emails.
We talked just a week ago about what would happen if he drank again. He said he understood that if he drank again, I would leave him. Do I need to respond and reiterate that to him? Or does he know and he's just pretending or in denial? Can I just keep hiding under my blanket for awhile longer?
We talked just a week ago about what would happen if he drank again. He said he understood that if he drank again, I would leave him. Do I need to respond and reiterate that to him? Or does he know and he's just pretending or in denial? Can I just keep hiding under my blanket for awhile longer?
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Originally Posted by anvilhead 
but making the conscious choice to ACT (or not), instead of always REACTING. in that way what OTHERS do has little bearing on what WE do......and our lives become our own again.
Thank you for the reminder and the advise. This really really helps. Thank you.
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Originally Posted by suki44883
How about not listening to his messages or better yet, blocking him on your phone?
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I agree with what has been said. Of course he doesn't get it, or is in denial, or doesn't care, or is hoping you don't remember leaving.
Pretending you don't smell the black cloud around you doesn't mean you weren't the one that farted, dude!
You made it very clear what the consequence would be if he drank. He drank. You left. If his way of dealing with this reality is to pretend it didn't happen so be it. If you participate in this little fantasy of his by contacting him or worse yet going back to him, you lose all the power over your own life and reality that you've gained by leaving and you buy in to his make believe hook, line, and sinker.
Grab a book and a fuzzy friend and tuck in under that blanket, my dear. You aren't hiding from anything...he is. You are feeling some well deserved peace and comfort. Hang onto it.
Hugs,
Alice
Pretending you don't smell the black cloud around you doesn't mean you weren't the one that farted, dude!
You made it very clear what the consequence would be if he drank. He drank. You left. If his way of dealing with this reality is to pretend it didn't happen so be it. If you participate in this little fantasy of his by contacting him or worse yet going back to him, you lose all the power over your own life and reality that you've gained by leaving and you buy in to his make believe hook, line, and sinker.
Grab a book and a fuzzy friend and tuck in under that blanket, my dear. You aren't hiding from anything...he is. You are feeling some well deserved peace and comfort. Hang onto it.
Hugs,
Alice
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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All the things he does now
Are your PROOF you are better away
The denial
The acting as if you imagined FACTS
Ignoring your request of BREAKING UP duh!!
If he was around here he would be pals with my ex lol. Do you got pets?? yesterday I was trying to make the bed and both of my cats JUMPED to hide under one of the blankets..! they love to play below it.. or one stays below, the other on top following the moving bump LOL...
I hope he buys World of Warcraft or something and stays away from you for good. A jerk that DRINKS is what a great woman needs... NOT!
Are your PROOF you are better away
The denial
The acting as if you imagined FACTS
Ignoring your request of BREAKING UP duh!!
If he was around here he would be pals with my ex lol. Do you got pets?? yesterday I was trying to make the bed and both of my cats JUMPED to hide under one of the blankets..! they love to play below it.. or one stays below, the other on top following the moving bump LOL...
I hope he buys World of Warcraft or something and stays away from you for good. A jerk that DRINKS is what a great woman needs... NOT!
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OMG, they all seem to do the same BS. Let's pretend nothing happened and act like everything is OK. Let's pretend that I didn't fall down drunk and knock that picture off the wall or whatever the latest episode is, we can all fill in the blanks...
He is hoping you go along with the pretend game and act like everything is normal. Mine does this and I am finally realizing that it is part of his denial. If he acts like nothing happened, then he can believe that. Boy, they can be exhausting.
Hang in there KP. Remember you are the SANE one.
He is hoping you go along with the pretend game and act like everything is normal. Mine does this and I am finally realizing that it is part of his denial. If he acts like nothing happened, then he can believe that. Boy, they can be exhausting.
Hang in there KP. Remember you are the SANE one.
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Good for you for stayin' strong!
Yeah they are all the same. Its laughable, really. Lucky for me NC is slightly easier because mine gives me the silent treatment as a way to punish me/pretend he did nothing wrong. Or just disappear for weeks to run away from the issue which used to work (sadly for me) in itself because after time passed I would just be glad to hear from him to as "forget" about the previous issue.
Unfortunately for you, your A sounds like he's better at communicating...which means he's probably very good at saying just what you need to hear to "crazy-make" And he's doing a good job at "staying in touch" (aka pushing you to cave). He sounds like he definitely doesn't want to loose you. Teach him you mean business this time.
I know its so hard, but the denial is so crazy its funny. Laugh it off if you can. To piggyback off of Alice...its like they're sitting in pile of their own **** and denying they just **** their own pants. Um, yeah...we can smell ya sweetheart.
Teach him that, for you, reality cannot be bent.
Yeah they are all the same. Its laughable, really. Lucky for me NC is slightly easier because mine gives me the silent treatment as a way to punish me/pretend he did nothing wrong. Or just disappear for weeks to run away from the issue which used to work (sadly for me) in itself because after time passed I would just be glad to hear from him to as "forget" about the previous issue.
Unfortunately for you, your A sounds like he's better at communicating...which means he's probably very good at saying just what you need to hear to "crazy-make" And he's doing a good job at "staying in touch" (aka pushing you to cave). He sounds like he definitely doesn't want to loose you. Teach him you mean business this time.
I know its so hard, but the denial is so crazy its funny. Laugh it off if you can. To piggyback off of Alice...its like they're sitting in pile of their own **** and denying they just **** their own pants. Um, yeah...we can smell ya sweetheart.
Teach him that, for you, reality cannot be bent.
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Originally Posted by MaryGoRound
...its like they're sitting in pile of their own **** and denying they just **** their own pants. Um, yeah...we can smell ya sweetheart.
Teach him that, for you, reality cannot be bent.
Teach him that, for you, reality cannot be bent.
You all crack me the f*** up!
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that is pricelessly funny! Jadmack! I have got to call people in from other rooms to see that one!
KP...when I read the title I wondered how do you know he is pretending everything is fine if you are no contact?
so, I read the thread...but when you do stop hearing messages, reading them etc...then it won't matter whose *** he's blowing smoke up or what color it is.
KP...when I read the title I wondered how do you know he is pretending everything is fine if you are no contact?
so, I read the thread...but when you do stop hearing messages, reading them etc...then it won't matter whose *** he's blowing smoke up or what color it is.
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