Bank Foreclosure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
Bank Foreclosure
Did something terribly codie a while ago and started seeing AH again.
So stupid. I was doing so well and then I listened instead of ignoring and now I'm in this mess again.
I am so stupid. It was one step forward and now two steps back.
Anyway, he has a week until the bank forecloses and takes his house. I am trying to detach like last time when I broke all contact for months and months....but I am soooo stressed out about it. I cant afford to be stressed out about it because it makes me sick.
I don't live with him, but hearing his panic makes me feel sick with stress
I just want to ride this out and reduce my stress. Detach. Detach. Detach
So stupid. I was doing so well and then I listened instead of ignoring and now I'm in this mess again.
I am so stupid. It was one step forward and now two steps back.
Anyway, he has a week until the bank forecloses and takes his house. I am trying to detach like last time when I broke all contact for months and months....but I am soooo stressed out about it. I cant afford to be stressed out about it because it makes me sick.
I don't live with him, but hearing his panic makes me feel sick with stress
I just want to ride this out and reduce my stress. Detach. Detach. Detach
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
You've done this before (the detaching) and my experience has been once I make up my mind, the relief comes again pretty quickly.
Just keep saying the magic words, whatever they are. Mine are
I am leaving you now
It is my choice
I am free of you and your toxic behavoirs
All of this is for my greater good.
Yours will probably be different, but for me, this really puts the responsibility for my life and choices back into my hands.
You don't have to rescue him. He's made his choices. You have yourself to take care of and that's a full time job. He's a grown up!
Just keep saying the magic words, whatever they are. Mine are
I am leaving you now
It is my choice
I am free of you and your toxic behavoirs
All of this is for my greater good.
Yours will probably be different, but for me, this really puts the responsibility for my life and choices back into my hands.
You don't have to rescue him. He's made his choices. You have yourself to take care of and that's a full time job. He's a grown up!
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
3 things
1) can you do anything about this? without putting your health and happiness at risk? Either way what is your worrying accomplishing? This is hard to do, but I'm a worrier and sometimes has felt almost as if I have to worry about something, is worrying accomplishing something for me? a distraction form other things perhaps? An intense experience when life seems humdrum, or unfulfilling? I come from a family of worriers: my first learned response to any situation is "WORRY!".
2) this is his business, straight up and down. what does it mean if I am worrying myself sick over someone elses choices and consequences, does that help them? does it make their choices and consequences my burden? what would I get out of doing that? How did I come to learn that that is an appropriate response?
3) the above is all very well, but it's hard to turn worry off in my experience, it's not a tap, so it might help if you examine what EXACTLY it is that you are worrying your self sick about (I have to do this with a therapist to keep me grounded)
when I am worried about something in the future, she gets me to explain the consequences of the worst case scenario, and we work back from catastrophic (will this result in the destruction of all life on the planet?) to personally tragic (will this kill me/him? will I lose my sight? have my children taken away from me?) to very difficult until we hit on the worst possible consequence, and I have to give them a likeliness score (very, very unlikely to probable, to dead cert.).
usually I end up with the WORST case scenario being something that actually isn't that terrible and is quite unlikely to happen.
Losing your house is very stressful, especially beforehand when you are still desperately trying to prevent it. But, play the tape through and see what happens, will he die? or just end up renting for a bit? is it the end of life or the end of life as he knows it?
1) can you do anything about this? without putting your health and happiness at risk? Either way what is your worrying accomplishing? This is hard to do, but I'm a worrier and sometimes has felt almost as if I have to worry about something, is worrying accomplishing something for me? a distraction form other things perhaps? An intense experience when life seems humdrum, or unfulfilling? I come from a family of worriers: my first learned response to any situation is "WORRY!".
2) this is his business, straight up and down. what does it mean if I am worrying myself sick over someone elses choices and consequences, does that help them? does it make their choices and consequences my burden? what would I get out of doing that? How did I come to learn that that is an appropriate response?
3) the above is all very well, but it's hard to turn worry off in my experience, it's not a tap, so it might help if you examine what EXACTLY it is that you are worrying your self sick about (I have to do this with a therapist to keep me grounded)
when I am worried about something in the future, she gets me to explain the consequences of the worst case scenario, and we work back from catastrophic (will this result in the destruction of all life on the planet?) to personally tragic (will this kill me/him? will I lose my sight? have my children taken away from me?) to very difficult until we hit on the worst possible consequence, and I have to give them a likeliness score (very, very unlikely to probable, to dead cert.).
usually I end up with the WORST case scenario being something that actually isn't that terrible and is quite unlikely to happen.
Losing your house is very stressful, especially beforehand when you are still desperately trying to prevent it. But, play the tape through and see what happens, will he die? or just end up renting for a bit? is it the end of life or the end of life as he knows it?
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 17
Thanks. You could have been writing this in response to my thread I posted earlier. I will be taking that exercise away with me. And you're right. Worst case scenario very rarely results in the sky falling in!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
I think I've realised why I am worrying
I am worrying because I have to do all this work and go through all this pain of detaching and moving on again.
I can't even breathe thinking about it
I don't think I am strong, I really don't.
I need to change myself so desperately.
I am worrying because I have to do all this work and go through all this pain of detaching and moving on again.
I can't even breathe thinking about it
I don't think I am strong, I really don't.
I need to change myself so desperately.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
I wish this was a wake up call, but it's not.
Mine is dealing with it in the same old way.....with beer.
I would be on the phone, knocking down doors trying to find a way to save my house.
My AH just sits there and drinks.
All I can think is - "wow, you do deserve what you get"
Mine is dealing with it in the same old way.....with beer.
I would be on the phone, knocking down doors trying to find a way to save my house.
My AH just sits there and drinks.
All I can think is - "wow, you do deserve what you get"
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