veracious

Ok if ending the relationship with me ABF is a good thing why do i feel so much angry and upset?

MaryGoRound

Because it's early. And it's not what you want. Maybe its what you need to do. Doesn't your A make you feel angry and upset though, too?

I'm right there with ya tho...I am mad as a raging lunatic sometimes and so sad I don't want to move. Ever. But I do believe I am doing the right thing. And I do believe it is time to focus on me and the whole world of possibilities.

Feel angry. Get upset. It sucks so bad, but don't judge it.

veracious

Yes, he does make me angry too especially once he starts drinking and says anything and everything to start a fight. I noticed that he changed his status on his tagged account! Damn internet!!!! I even changed my phone number today to keep me from texting him or him texting me. Sad thing is i still feel consumed by what is he doing and etc.

Gold

Often it is the loss of the dream of what the relationship could have been not what it actually is.
Also for me I didn't want the relationship to end just his behaviour but that was never going to happen.

veracious

It is so damn frustrating that they cant just quit or even want to quit drinking yet claim to love you so much!! LIke alot of posters have stated they really love alcohol more then they love us! Why do we allow ourselves to get sucked into it! I should have listened to myself before allowing myself to have feelings for the man when we first started dating. Ugh does this ever get better?

nodaybut2day

It does. Honestly.

I left 4 months ago. Now my anger/frustration only happens twice a week, whenever I have to see XAH for his visitation with DD. Aside from that, I feel a lot better. Give it time and be kind to yourself. It's totally ok to feel rage. Write it out if it helps you! I wrote myself a "No more" list...it was VERY liberating!

Regarding this:
It is so damn frustrating that they cant just quit or even want to quit drinking yet claim to love you so much!!
Claiming to love someone is easy...it's just words. Recovering from an addiction requires action, dedication and a life-long commitment...way harder. Nowadays, I try to look at people's ACTIONS and not their words (cause I'm a sucker for a sweet talker!).

veracious

Thanks for all the support, i dont know how i would be getting through this without it. Even though i am in counseling once a week doesnt help when your feeling weak and angry.

nodaybut2day

YAY that's what SR is for!!

FindingPeace1

I think it hurts cuz its HARD! For me, staying is easy. It's what I know. It's comfortable. It allows me to keep my hope of our mutual dreams being realized. It's easy.
Leaving sounds hard and lonely and hurtful to everyone and sad and loss.

I think of it like alcoholism. Recovery is HARD. Drinking is easy. There are pros and cons to each.
We think our partners would be way better off if they quit, suffered the transition and blossomed into a new life, but they don't.
We could be way better off if we "quit", suffered the transition and blossomed into a new life.
It's just hard, that's all. Doesn't mean it's not the best choice.

IamSaved

Oh, beloved! I am so there with you! I just left my AexBF on Feb 5th! So, all the pain, hurt, anger, confusion is all a fresh hurt to me too!

I think everyone here is right. You are mourning the loss of the man you wish you had! Not the one that was real, and damaged, and addicted! We all see the 'good' in the A's we love. But they never see that in themselves.

Grieving over a relationship, no matter what the circumstances, is so very hard. It is, in effect, a death.

Surround yourself with loving family and friends, stay busy, and do NOT think that anything you could have done would have changed him. It wouldn't.

Keep coming back, I know I will!
(((HUGS)))