Not a very good last 24 hours
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Not a very good last 24 hours
I'm actually doing fine - now. Kids seem to be doing well also. AH is in the hospital. Long-story short. I told him he could come by for dinner if he was sober. He came by - not sober. Left. Called last night repeatedly but I refused to talk to him, so he left messages that he was going to kill himself. When that didn't work, he called my son and said he swallowed a bunch of pills. I grabbed the phone away from my son and hung up on him - instructing my son not to answer if he called. So, AH calls my daughter - tells her he wasn't going to kill himself just wanted me to worry.
This AM, I didn't hear anything from him, which is pretty unusual. My daughter tried to call him and no answer. Finally, I was worried he actually did do it, if not on purpose on accident. Drove by his hotel and his truck was parked ****-eyed. Knocked on the door no answer. Lady at the counter wouldn't let me in; told me to call the cops. So, I call 911 - cops and ambulance show up. Then counter lady (b**tch) comes out and starts saying he hasn't been here since yesterday - then tells the ambulance people to come in because she was talking to them not me. Turns out he had already called 911 and gone to the hospital. She knew this but told me I had to call the police anyway. Unbelievable. I was in hysterics waiting for the ambulance/cops to show - and she couldn't have said something?!? WTF?
I did go by the hospital to see him, and he did OD on the pills. But, he was fine and going through detox. Crazy as this sounds though, this is the FIRST time he's taken any responsibility for his self. It doesn't mean I'm ready to say I'm ready for him to come home because I'm not. But, it does give me hope that he might be able to pull it together. He was also very worried about getting discharged before he had to go back to work on Thursday so he wouldn't lose his job. So - all in all positive. I'm glad he decided he needed to treatment. He sees a Psychiatrist tomorrow AM, and then they want him to go into the Psych ward to finish detox.
This AM, I didn't hear anything from him, which is pretty unusual. My daughter tried to call him and no answer. Finally, I was worried he actually did do it, if not on purpose on accident. Drove by his hotel and his truck was parked ****-eyed. Knocked on the door no answer. Lady at the counter wouldn't let me in; told me to call the cops. So, I call 911 - cops and ambulance show up. Then counter lady (b**tch) comes out and starts saying he hasn't been here since yesterday - then tells the ambulance people to come in because she was talking to them not me. Turns out he had already called 911 and gone to the hospital. She knew this but told me I had to call the police anyway. Unbelievable. I was in hysterics waiting for the ambulance/cops to show - and she couldn't have said something?!? WTF?
I did go by the hospital to see him, and he did OD on the pills. But, he was fine and going through detox. Crazy as this sounds though, this is the FIRST time he's taken any responsibility for his self. It doesn't mean I'm ready to say I'm ready for him to come home because I'm not. But, it does give me hope that he might be able to pull it together. He was also very worried about getting discharged before he had to go back to work on Thursday so he wouldn't lose his job. So - all in all positive. I'm glad he decided he needed to treatment. He sees a Psychiatrist tomorrow AM, and then they want him to go into the Psych ward to finish detox.
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I'm glad he's okay! Your poor children. I'm going to take an entirely different angle on this other than the emotional trauma he's forcing on the kids, and you. When my NOW deceased fiance' was in rehab, he was elected president of group. Yep, nothing like a bunch of drugged up detoxing people electing the newcomer president of group...but he did it and loved the honor for the sparse 14 of 30 days he stayed.
He started the meeting one time with the question, how many in group have overdosed? ALL of them raised their hand!!!! He was the only one who'd never overdosed and unfortunately, he was impressed that all these people lived to raise their hand. So, what he implied is, one can overdose and actually live to tell about it and maybe even get a pat on the back. He took this philosophy a little too far perhaps, because he wasn't one of the lucky ones and died of an overdose 4 months later.
The fact that your AH lived thru it is going to bring on more psychotic episodes for you and your family. I hope not, but it's that stupid psychology of addiction.
He started the meeting one time with the question, how many in group have overdosed? ALL of them raised their hand!!!! He was the only one who'd never overdosed and unfortunately, he was impressed that all these people lived to raise their hand. So, what he implied is, one can overdose and actually live to tell about it and maybe even get a pat on the back. He took this philosophy a little too far perhaps, because he wasn't one of the lucky ones and died of an overdose 4 months later.
The fact that your AH lived thru it is going to bring on more psychotic episodes for you and your family. I hope not, but it's that stupid psychology of addiction.
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Update. AH is still in the hospital but was moved from ICU to the psych ward yesterday. He thought they'd let him go after finishing detox but now they won't let him leave. The social worker/crisis manager says he's not making good decisions (duh!). I'm still trying to decide whether them holding him involuntarily is a good thing or a bad thing. I had considered having him committed myself, but he just started back at his job and the last thing he needs is to be fired from his job. If he doesn't have a job, he can't support himself, and I would likely ended up having to support him - I do not want that. All this because he took 7 sleeping pills, got scared and called 911. Apparently they're holding him because he mixed drugs and alcohol.
I don't know whether they get through to him or whether he just gets ticked off and decides not to listen to anyone. I told him I agreed with the social worker. I feel like I'm in that episode of House. Mostly, I'm avoiding him. I haven't been back by the hospital since yesterday when I brought him clothes - and I only found out what was going on when he called me tonight to tell me they wouldn't let him leave. He's not very happy right now. Its funny because I was talking to my daughter the other day before all this happened is that the best thing that could happen to him is to go to jail for a month or two. I guess this is even better.
I don't know whether they get through to him or whether he just gets ticked off and decides not to listen to anyone. I told him I agreed with the social worker. I feel like I'm in that episode of House. Mostly, I'm avoiding him. I haven't been back by the hospital since yesterday when I brought him clothes - and I only found out what was going on when he called me tonight to tell me they wouldn't let him leave. He's not very happy right now. Its funny because I was talking to my daughter the other day before all this happened is that the best thing that could happen to him is to go to jail for a month or two. I guess this is even better.
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Hi puckettcg, boy you have had a time and a half haven't you.
While your AH has been the centre of all this attention, and not caring much about you and your kids, what have YOU been doing for you, other than worry over his problems?
I refer to your quote, "I had considered having him committed myself, but he just started back at his job and the last thing he needs is to be fired from his job. If he doesn't have a job, he can't support himself, and I would likely ended up having to support him."
Honey, if he loses his job, it is thru HIS drinking and the dumb actions that led to him being where he is, nothing else.
The same applies to him not being able to support himself, as it would be because of what he did, so why must you take on the job of supporting him?
If he is really into taking responsibility for himself, then let him do so and you can take care of yourself for a change. Worrying about him will only end with you being a wreck and your children need one sane and stable parent....and you are the only one they have right now.
Maybe having everything collapse around him, will lead him to recovery....or maybe not, but whatever happens depends on him and his decisions.
I have been there and had to finally let both my AH, and later on my ABF do it their way, both times a terribly hard and painful choice for me.
My AH drank himself into strokes, brain damage and a nursing home, then some years later he died. My ABF chose to quit and do recovery, and is still sober and working his recovery program. I still work on my own wellbeing and growth and leave him to what is his business.
I hope it all works out for you all.
God bless
While your AH has been the centre of all this attention, and not caring much about you and your kids, what have YOU been doing for you, other than worry over his problems?
I refer to your quote, "I had considered having him committed myself, but he just started back at his job and the last thing he needs is to be fired from his job. If he doesn't have a job, he can't support himself, and I would likely ended up having to support him."
Honey, if he loses his job, it is thru HIS drinking and the dumb actions that led to him being where he is, nothing else.
The same applies to him not being able to support himself, as it would be because of what he did, so why must you take on the job of supporting him?
If he is really into taking responsibility for himself, then let him do so and you can take care of yourself for a change. Worrying about him will only end with you being a wreck and your children need one sane and stable parent....and you are the only one they have right now.
Maybe having everything collapse around him, will lead him to recovery....or maybe not, but whatever happens depends on him and his decisions.
I have been there and had to finally let both my AH, and later on my ABF do it their way, both times a terribly hard and painful choice for me.
My AH drank himself into strokes, brain damage and a nursing home, then some years later he died. My ABF chose to quit and do recovery, and is still sober and working his recovery program. I still work on my own wellbeing and growth and leave him to what is his business.
I hope it all works out for you all.
God bless
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Originally Posted by Jadmack25 
Honey, if he loses his job, it is thru HIS drinking and the dumb actions that led to him being where he is, nothing else.
The same applies to him not being able to support himself, as it would be because of what he did, so why must you take on the job of supporting him?
The same applies to him not being able to support himself, as it would be because of what he did, so why must you take on the job of supporting him?
I realize my situation might be somewhat unique, but he's not worked for two years and only just went back - I made sure he had a job so that I could get him to leave. Which by the way, I couldn't even do that legally - he had to leave willingly. Fair - I don't think so but I went to see a lawyer to understand my options and likely outcomes, and she pretty much confirmed what I had already figured for myself.
I hear what everyone is saying/thinking - well, why didn't you just leave. Because, its my house - I make the payments, I pay the utilities, and I'll be d**ned if I leave and still have to support his living arrangements so that it doesn't impact my credit rating. I also have to be separated for 12 months before I can get a divorce and the clock doesn't start ticking until he's not living with me.
Fortunately, he's not smart enough in his state to figure all this out else this would be even harder.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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I don't know. The court docket may just open up like a wide sky with this newly found information. He is unstable, suicidal, a threat to himself and you fear him. May shift things a bit for you. Hopefully in your favor.
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She did ask if he'd ever been violent or if there was infidelity as that would change things. Neither is true here. Honestly, though, I'm not willing to take the chance. When I'm done, I want no ties. Split the assets and wash my hands of him. Yes, your honor, liberal visitation (as long as he's sober of course - and I have no problem with him seeing his kids as long as he's sober). I don't want lengthy court battles.
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