hurt and confused
 

My ABF and i have been seeing different counselors. Mine says that we can still see each other while we are seperated but his says we shouldnt see each other or talk to each other while we are apart but didnt say we should break while we find ourselves. WTF i dont get it why would one say one thing and someone else say something completely different. I feel so hurt and confused. Although i dont know how long we are going to be apart since she never gave him any timeline seems to me as if its completely over.

I am very surprised that any counselor would give instructions like that since usually they are empowering us to look into ourselves and make our own decisions.
How do you know the counselor told him this?

His counselor is perhaps viewing you as a trigger and encouraging him to get his own life together. The complications of nurturing a relationship impedes the process in some ways.

insulated
 

Could you elaborate a bit on what you meant by me being a trigger?

live
 

I asked him how his appointment went and if any decision had changed regarding our relationship. That was when he told me what his counselor stated.

maybe sobriety becomes primary. a relationship and the work that it requires to nurture and preserve perhaps distracts from sobriety. it's a time for introspection and self evaluation and setting of goals, etc.

When my son was in rehab the first time; we were advised by the director that it was very important for us to take step back and to allow him the space he needed to do the work of recovery. It was not directed _at_ us as parents; but instead _for_ his benefit.

I viewed this time of detachment as an opportunity for my son learn how to do what it takes to save his life. Recovery is serious business and for many requires placing the focus _only_ on getting well without outside entanglements.

clarification
 

I finally received some clarification from him that his counselor thought it would be easier for both of us to not have communication while we work on our issues. He said that it was up to him what he wanted to do. He then proceeded to ask me if i love him and inquired about what i was doing. Then became beligerent with me stating that he couldnt do the long distance thing after telling me to go F**ck some other guy that i used to date. UGH!!!!

The first time my sponsor suggested that, I thought that was just too darned simple, you know?

He was right. :)

phone
 

Yeah it was via text message which he does more then calling me anymore. I need to learn to shut off my phone and just forget it exsists. :headbange

delete key
 

Anvilhead i did one better i decided to change my phone number completely. I am never going to get my life back as long as i allow myself to continue trying to fix his problems. Step one for me!:c011:

Anvilhead i did one better i decided to change my phone number completely. I am never going to get my life back as long as i allow myself to continue trying to fix his problems. Step one for me!

It would seem your confusion is lifting, BRAVO! When you focus on your own needs and what is healthy for you and not make every decision about him, the path becomes clearer.

When I was on that fence trying to decide if leaving my XABF was the right path for me, I received heartfelt wisdome here to just make the next healthy decision and go from there. I focused on my needs and what I needed to do to improve my life and somehow the answers just presented themselves.

Your recovery looks good on you!!

Alice