Insulated

I am tired of being lied to! The trust is gone

from our couples counselor: Until all addiction is eradicated, the relationship isn't at a stage of rebuilding trust.

TakingCharge999

My XA used to tell me "No one will ever love you the way I do."


LOL my bf just said the same last week when I was breaking up with him! that's original.

I told him "we don't know that now, do we"

And about the roses, oh it hits home, when you rock the boat then "suddenly" its flowers and their good version of themselves (or show of themselves)

I told bf its ok if he never mentions love again or gives me any present at all IF he respects me, collaborates at home, you know, in general show appreciation and good will towards me.... that is why here they say LOVE IS AN ACTION WORD...

"I sent a flower when feeling guilty and offered some basic form of friendship" doesn't impress me at all... have you noticed people that offer much of themselves, from the heart, never ever even have to mention or remind anyone of what they have done?

Then mentioning he may have lent or given money away for rent...ugh..... life is so much more than this.... and I agree its not they're evil, this is truly who they are or they choose to be like NOW...

I send you hugs and if it was me I wouldn't even reply to that... the funny thing is that when I was totally hurt by an ex with an alcohol problem I sent a similar email..... saying I felt sad and betrayed and angry.... the ex never responded and ignored me and it was the best thing ever because I left the game and when tried to reengange he was the one who left the game (or was busy drinking)... in any case it let me "hit my codie bottom"..... a year later life starts to be wonderful again and I'm very very glad and grateful I have better hopes for my relationships in general and romantic ones in particular.

All the best

TakingCharge999

Acceptance of who he is, of who I am.
Yes that is the key IMHO, amen to that..

The analogy with chewing gum is eye opening...that is exactly how you move on... remembering for certain people their addictions are really no big deal? seeing your partner suffer as a DIRECT result of your actions is no big deal? just like chewing gum without any relevance. That is EXACTLY why we go away and stay away. The denial, the alternative reality and mini God attitude.

After time and inner work... relief and indifference will win over sadness, grief, anger or anything else, Elsie. Indifference is such a great prize after this horrible rollercoaster... after visiting the Twilight Zone they live in. A ticket out is a gift from god/HP, you are playing russian roulette with your sanity here. I hope you don't go back to that, you deserve real joy and caring people around you.

PS I too wanted validation from everyone but that is how one learns to trust one's inner compass, and LIFE GETS SOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTERRRRRR after you learn this great teaching !!!!!!!!! hang in there!! it sucks but it will be over one day and you will be stronger and happier than ever before it sounds false but that is what is happening to me..... I feel free, not looking for anyone else anymore to make me feel like a woman or human being or child of God.. I'm already all that... no action needed... no one else needed..... its the best feeling ever.

transformyself

Because living with and attempting to have a relationship with a practicing, blame shifting, in -denial alcoholic will make you doubt yourself, your sanity and basic reality. They are batsh*t crazy and so are we!

It's taken me months to get to a place where the logistics don't matter, just how I feel. Validating ourselves takes time, but it comes. In the meantime we'll validate ya! Bring it on!